To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

We are in this situation and its not always that people are selfish or money grabbing
We expected my Mums partner to die before her but that didn't happen, we also never expected to inherit her house as we assumed she would need care.
However, now there is an 85 year old man living in a property that is completely unsuitable for him with no family nearby. About 6 months before my Mum died she told me that if anything happened to her he would be better off in residential care but as he has somewhere to live he can't access it. Their relationship had also deteriorated to the extent that she had talked about changing her will but she didn't get around to it.
In the meantime I know that at some point I will need to clear out my Mums house and deal with her things so I have no closure at all

She left a will protecting her DC, but giving him the right to stay in the house while he needs it. So the DC are now faced with an indefinitely delayed inheritance and the "agro" of having him living in "their" house.

I don't think any adult children should be waiting for a parent to die so they can inherit.

The inheritance is a bonus.

I have an aunt who did exactly this. Or rather her husband did. 2nd time for both of them- widow and widower.

He died, she was left a lifetime residency in what was his house (she'd sold hers when they married.)

Eventually she went into a care home and at that point the house was sold.

You can get married. You’re just choosing not to for various reasons which could all be overcome if you wanted them to.

Your choice not to marry.
Don't blame your kids or society; it’s on you.

Or vice versa.

Presumably this man (older not a young man) has his own home?

So he can sell it or rent it out and it's his asset if you die first.

He wouldn't be homeless if you left you home to your children.

The odds are that he, as a man, will die before you.

So he should be worried about his assets if you marry!

You're making a problem which doesn't exist.

I can't believe that you don't understand there are wills and trusts for this and that literally thousands of older people marry in later life and protect their assets.

Go and see a solicitor.

Repeating others, of course you can marry. Most people would in your situation (if they wanted to marry).

It's only your risk aversion that's stopping you. Why don't you take some legal advice about how best to protect your kids etc?

But OP is talking about adult children? Should she really be on the hook for their 'financial wellbeing' ie preserving their inheritance ahead of her own wishes, while she's still very much alive??

Seems wrong to me.

Presumably he doesn't own his own house? If you were financially equal, there would be less risk to your children's inheritance. You could move in with him and rent your house out.

It's actually refreshing to hear someone put the interests of their children over getting with a new partner or marrying them. Most people, especially men, are happy to put their kids financial or emotional wellbeing at risk to satisfy their own wants and needs.

This is crazy. My mother is happily re married, however if it went wrong I may well be concerned for her and her finances but I wouldn't be there thinking about my inheritance?! It's her money and her life, she's not some kind of caretaker for my future funds.

live your life OP, not theirs!

I think it's so sad that step-parents/long-term partners are so often not respected by the children in situations like this and are treated totally differently than if one of their own parents were left behind.

It seems that even when there had been good relationships during the parents lifetime, as soon as that parent dies the children just want the SP out of the house so they can cash in. It seems so cruel and makes me worry for my own future as a step-parent.

Just live together then. It doesn’t give him any rights in the uk. Your friend put a clause in to enable her partner to live there otherwise the kids could have turfed them out.

If you really want to marry, and he does too, then why wouldn't you get proper legal advice on protecting your children's inheritance? It is possible, so why not do it?

Those children have lost everything because their parent didn't do proper succession planning to make sure that they would inherit.

There are lots of things you can to do protect your children, for example, transferring money or assets to them now.

If you want to 'marry' in a spiritual way you can do all sorts of different ceremonies that relate to you and your partners beliefs. Spiritually or religious or just personally. The marriage doesn't have to be legally binding. If you wish to live together then do so, or keep two homes.

'marriage' to me as a piece of paper isn't important. I wouldn't want to split assets with another or ask them to give me anything of theirs legally if it doesn't work out. But I don't have kids so there's a difference there to many others.

You can state the will is made with intent to marry and then the marriage doesn't override it.

As previous posters have said, inheritance issues can be sorted by a will made with intent to marry.

The real issue is divorce. Prenups are not binding in England and the risk is you losing up to 50% of your assets, so you are right to be cautious on your own behalf, let alone your children's.

I would just live with him and take legal advice before doing so.

No -make the will after marriage -marriage invalidates previous wills.

👆100%
You don’t owe your kids inheritance.
Live your life happily.

Well, you can marry, but it's probably wise not to just to make things simple for your children and to create no 'expectations' from your partner. And the fact that pre-nups aren't actually legally binding in the UK means that even if you had one there is no guaranteed outcome. People do strange things when there is money involved. A spouse who agrees that your estate goes to your children may do a 180° turn when the death happens and reality sets in that they will walk away with nothing. And yes, a divorce could be devastating to your finances.

Where I live (in the US) pre-nups are legal and enforceable. When my aunt remarried she and her intended (both well to do 'seniors' with grown children) had a legally binding prenup set out 'what's mine is my children's, what's yours is your children's' including their respective family homes. He later sold his family home and invested in improvements to hers so it was amended to give him a life estate. This man would never have been homeless, he had sufficient resources to re-house himself should my aunt die first. Luckily for my cousins he predeceased her because they weren't looking forward to having to wait 10-20 years for a large part of their inheritance. I'm not saying the life estate wasn't fair, just that it would have been an inconvenience to my cousins.

If you feel you want/need 'something', you can always have a 'life commitment' ceremony, in essence a wedding with no legal paperwork.

just get a pre nup as well as ring fencing assets for your kids. fork out for a solicitor on the best way to protect assets for your children in the event of death or divorce.

its really not that difficult to get some legal advice on this. youre being a bit bronte about it all

Prioritise your happiness over your children's inheritance. Enjoy your life. I'd much rather my mum do this then leave me money.

As others have said there is protection you can put in place.

Your children are adults FGS, do what makes you happy.

This