To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

I intend to live with my DP once my DS has flown the nest. He will rent out his home. His DC will inherit from him, mine will inherit from me. We will leave each other something nominal - some art work, furniture, etc. but provided the funds aren’t swallowed up with care home fees, our children (we don’t have any joint kids) will inherit from the biological parent only.

Have you got enough assets that you could give your children their inheritance now OP? After all, the younger they are the better for a house deposit or whatever.

If not, why not go and see a solicitor and get proper advice for protecting your assets from divorce/death if marriage is important to you.

I will add though, I know a few later life couples that don't live together, and they seem very happy having their own lives and independence.

Only if the parents haven't anticipated this situation and made proper provision for their children.

You can marry, you are choosing not to. You can sort out your inheritance and legal issues if that is what is stopping you being happy. You can certainly live together. I have life insurance that pays my DD’s £150k each which looks after them

Why? It's a completely different point of view and circumstance. Your post is about loving someone, but feeling unable to marry to safeguard money for your children. A post from a child worried about a potential inheritance would rightly be seen as grabbby. Nobody is entitled to inherit money. Me and my siblings have told my parents to spend their money if they want/need to. It's their money.

Marry or don’t marry. Your choice. 🤷‍♀️

Write a will that clearly protects what you want to leave to your children and tell your partner you have done this. Then plan your wedding if this what both of you truly want.

Not sure I agree with you on that one! Adult children are usually told that they are being greedy/there is no such thing as an inheritance until it happens/ and the money belongs to the parents of those adult children while they are alive. You are basically being told the same thing - it's your money and your kids have no right to expect an inheritance?

Also. lots of advice on here to women on their own ( especially with kids) are advised to make sure that they take steps to protect themselves and their children in the event of a divorce, death etc. But people are telling you that you CAN take steps to protect yourself and your Adult children without having to give up any hope of living with someone/marrying them.

The people who post on here with major problems in that area, have NOT taken those steps to protect themselves, which is why they end up in the shit. It is perfectly possible to protect yourself if you want to without giving up on your chance of happiness

But the person in that situation has no control, can't insist their parent makes a will to make their wishes clear. You're in a very different position

That is nonsense @Azureshores

This is rather naive. Most people don't think their spouse will do that. A lot of the time the surviving spouse doesn't even intend to do it, they just haven't thought through the consequences of their decision properly.

And sometimes it's worse than the children from the original marriage having to wait 20+ years until their step-parent dies before they can inherit anything from their parents. Sometimes the surviving parent leaves everything to their new spouse in their will, trusting them to do the right thing in their own will, and surprise surprise, the new spouse leaves everything to their own children, meaning that the entire estate of the original married couple goes to completely unrelated stepchildren who never even met the first parent to die, and their own children get nothing. There have been tons of threads on here by posters in exactly that situation.

This is why everyone should have a will, and their will should anticipate what happens to their money if their surviving spouse remarries. The younger you are the more likely it is that you don't even have a will because you know that everything will go to your spouse under the intestacy rules, and the more likely it is that if you die young your surviving spouse will go on to remarry.

In what way?

Advice that it's your, the parent's, money and that the parent is the one with agency to decide seems pretty common through both.

Talk to a solicitor.

The sooner people realise marriage is a legal contract, as exciting as a tax return, and disentangle the idea of it being a declaration of love and validation of being chosen, the better.

Why not just have a wedding without the contract? A nice blessing and a party without the merging of assets.

So this is coming from your children?

Have you even discussed remarriage with your children?

It would appear that even if you've done that you've not done the most obvious things - take legal advice!!!!

It's hardly a big deal is it re write a will?

You have to make a new Will when you marry, otherwise you are deemed to have died intestate.

I don't really understand the point of your post tbh OP. If you've made your mind up that dont want to get married for whatever reason that's your choice but I don't see why you have come on here to tell everyone about it.

Who on earth told you that?

Love’s young dream.

Has your solicitor told you it's best not to get married? With assets and adult children I'd think twice too, but I would imagine a good solictor should be able to help you find a way for everyone to get what they want.

I can’t see why you can’t marry or live together. Your friends will is the same situation with my mum and her partner. I will happily let him live in her house as long as he is able to because he was her DH and they lived together. Seems odd her DC are upset about that.

You can absolutely marry your partner or live with them.

Maybe this is because one of my parents died when I was very young and the other has absolutely nothing to leave me, but I struggle to understand the upset/reticence when it comes to a longterm partner having a lifetime interest in the house.

If someone has chosen to be with someone and lived with them, then surely they wouldn't want them to be potentially homeless? Especially if they've been together years and years and paid towards the house (even if not in terms of mortgage, but money toward other bills and general upkeep).

I wouldn't feel anything as I'd be dead!

But knowing my H I know he wouldn't do that.

This is not just a death issue it's one faced by older divorced couples who remarry all the time.