To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

You have to wonder how they housed themselves before meeting their spouse in late middle age though.

Well yes, but that doesn't mean that if you're married you can't make a will leaving your assets to your children instead of your spouse.

If you get your will drawn up by a solicitor you will be advised of the consequences of getting married for your will.

If you find a temple will on the internet and DIY, you may indeed not realise that getting married invalidates any previous will unless the will is clearly made in anticipation of a forthcoming marriage.

It depends how much money we are talking about, and what the need is. Some spouses are fine financially without inheriting, in which case they can be left a token gift. But if the person you love who has perhaps lived with you for 20 years and cared for you in your final decline, is going to be left homeless or in poverty, then surely they deserve something more substantial?
Ideally there will be enough for both the spouse and the children to inherit.

Think marriage nullifies previous wills so op would need to make a new one after her marriage.

Adult children have no control over the outcome. You do.

https://www.willwriters.com/blog/in-contemplation-of-marriage/

Problem is, getting married makes a will null and void. You need to marry then make a will.

Does your partner have no assets of his own?

If he's got nothing, then I can see why you'd be worried but if he has his own home, surely you can both ringfence your assets and write rock solid wills in contemplation of marriage? Heck, your dc might even profit if he leaves you everything since he has no kids and dies before you.

Parents are foolish if they move in a new partner or marry IF they don't take steps to ensure that any assets they own will be passed on as they want. It is perfectly possible to legally protect assets. People have problems because they don't get proper legal advice, or they don't follow that advice, or they don't make plans for every possible scenario.

Discuss things with your DP.

Agree he can stay in the house for say two years if you pre-decease him, after which time he will have to make his own arrangements.

Tell your adult DC what you have decided so that there are no assumptions or surprises.

Then get some proper advice from a family lawyer about the effect of marriage and wills. Consider care fees, and formal / informal care arrangements too.

Then go from there.

Im afraid it really isn't - depending on the length of the marriage and the circs the dh could make a claim against the house and at the very least win the right to live there until he dies.

This is why OP needs legal advice and shouldn't be asking advice on an Internet forum. There are many different scenarios that could arise so she should speak to a solicitor.

OP - the best way to protect your children's inheritance is to not get married, if that is what is most important to you.

It's terrible. My brothers friend suggested trying to get my stepmum to move to gain from the sale of my late dad's house. Both he and I were horrified. She was married to my dad for 35 years until his death. Besides as the house was in joint names there's no guarantee that it would pass to us anyway

But I also get it you get remarried and you die he survives keeps house and gets married again the new partner takes the house. So a will stating your home is to be sold for your kids or you sell and both buy a home togethrr

That's completely irrelevant. If there's nothing to inherit, there's nothing to inherit.

If there is something to inherit, it should go to the intended recipients.

God forbid you get alzheimers or have a stroke and they sell your house for care fees. Your kids earn there only money in life and don't rely on your handouts it's your life your money crsck on

@FOJN obviously the op can't predict whether or not her house would have to be used for care home fees. It's not the point of her post, its irrelevant. Op wants to protect her assets from going to a third party instead of her own children should she be lucky enough to not have to go into a care home. Quite right too! How justifiably hurt her adult dc would be if op died and her partners family inherited instead.

So basically we all have to choose whether, in the event that we die first, we provide for our spouse and trust that they will eventually do the right thing by our children, or whether we leave it directly to our children to prevent them being sideways disinherited.

In France the law steps in to prevent this type of scenario from arising.

Your post is very dramatic take on the issue.

You can absolutely get married.

You just need to take legal steps to ensure anything you want protected, remains protected.

Pay for legal advice and I suspect you will come to a different conclusion.

I'd find it weird and sad if my Mum hadn't lived with or married my SD because she was concerned about my future inheritance.

It's her money and her house, if she wants SD to have a lifetime interest in it, it's hers to do what she wants with it. My SD is the one with her all the time, he deserves it!

You could not marry or live together and end up spending all the kid's inheritance on care home fees.

If getting married would make you happy, do it. Just make a will that reflects your desires.

My mom owns a home and got married last year at 75.

When she dies the house goes to her kids and her husband has 6 months to find a new place to live.

I feel like that protects us all including him. To be honest I would have said he can live there longer but that’s what they agreed to.

I think OP is wise not to marry. Don't see the point of marriage in your situation.

But I also don't see why your can't live together. You could live half the week at his and half at yours, or rent out your houses and rent somewhere together, or he could move into yours and rent his, etc. This would give him no rights to the house if you were to die first and he wouldn't be homeless as he'd have his to return to.

Perhaps your children aren't as selfish as you seem to think and would like to see you happy? By all means protect yourself but an inheritance is a bonus not something to plan on.

No, but you advised to make a watertight Will and then get married which would be pointless as OP would then have to make another one!

It's really hard in these situations as you have to think of your spouse as well as your children from any previous relationships.

If one or both or their actual parents have paid for a house, why should they have to wait for an unrelated adult (who hasn't paid towards it) to die?

Because children don't automatically own everything their parents have earned or saved. If one of the parents has a partner who they love and want to protect in the event of their own death, then their children absolutely should wait for that person to die before receiving their inheritance. Or better still, they could wish this person a long and happy life, since they were loved and valued by the deceased parent in question, and very likely supported them during their final years and months.

I really don't think they are. Adult children claiming to be worried about losing an inheritance, particularly to a partner of 17 years, would be called CFs here.