To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

My husband and I have mirror wills that leaves everything to each other, if we die together it goes to our children.
It is on the understanding that whoever is left will leave everything left to our children. We built up the house and savings together. So it is only right that our children should inherit not someone else even if that someone else is a second wife or husband.

What kind of inheritance is involved? Millions, or just the proceeds of a modest house that could well be used up in care fees?

Your children could be in their 60s when you die. Do you really think the amount of money involved will make a huge difference to their lives at that point? Should they not already have made their own financial position secure by then?

Is there an upper age limit on that policy?

You're not being stupid, or giving away their inheritance. All these posts saying the same thing. Please seek proper, legal advice. You're making this out to be something it isn't.

It's both parents money, they presumably built up the wealth as a couple and lived & worked together to create a home and life.

If the one who died earlier wanted their children to get their half, they would/should have written a will for that. If they didn't and it went to their widow(er) alone then, who are you or the kids to say that wasn't what they wanted? It's not reasonable to expect the survivor to live on alone, only concerned about preserving money for the children, living half a life to do so.

And it's not "some random" person, it's someone their widow(er) chooses to spend the next part of their lives with, in love and companionship. Someone who brings the person they loved new happiness.

It makes a difference in terms of fairness.

And??? That doesn’t make a bit of difference to the children.

I don't really understand why this is making you sad. If he's never been married then presumably he has no children, a home of his own and no complications. You can spend all the time in the world with him that you want, and nothing needs to change. Neither of you need to be financially dependent on the other. What difference would marriage make?

You could move in together if you wanted and rent one of your houses out, so neither of you have burnt your bridges if it doesn't work out and you need your old life back. That way you get the life you want with him but your money and your DC's inheritance is still protected. If you die, he returns to his own house, or if you are in his house then your house simply gets sold. Honestly, the only reason to get married is if you are going to have children, or if your finances are entangled and you need to futureproof your security. Neither applies here.

Wow, that's quite an outlook on life. What age are your kids?

This is so mixed up. Yes, there are a ton of ways to shaft your kids, mostly by not thinking about things. But of course you can get married, or live together, and still protect your children’s inheritance.

You could tie this up so you made sure your children inherited as you want, even if "delayed" because he's allowed to stay in the house. You are not Abelard and Heloise and this "sadness" is self indulgent IMHO.

No, get married and then make a watertight Will (marriage invalidates any Wills made before the marriage).

But this brings about all the downsides of marriage from the OP’s perspective so isn’t really a viable alternative.

You're being completely dramatic and silly. Evidently you can marry. You simply need to have some open conversations about practical and financial matters and get these legally drawn up. I'm.not sure why but the self pitying and ridiculous nature of the post has really annoyed me.

Exactly this, there are plenty of arrangements you can make to ensure that your surviving spouse isn't made homeless, whilst also ensuring that your children's inheritance actually goes to them.

You can also have a civil partnership, with a ceremony, if that's what you'd prefer. Sort your will out with a solicitor afterwards so that it says exactly what you want to happen with your estate.

I think a lot of the posts here are taking the tone and approach they are because you’re essentially saying it’s sad you don’t want to get married, but it’s you who doesn’t want a marriage. What bit do you find sad, because you could have a wedding and make vows but not legally register it.

And you could definitely live together if you get legal advice and appropriate agreements in place - and discuss is openly so there is a Plan B for the surviving spouse to find somewhere else to live within a year (eg you could get life insurance which would pay out enough to buy a property, and only give the surviving spouse the right to remain in your home for a year before the kids can sell)… or have life insurance pay out to the kids to tide them over until the property sells.

It's different because if she was survived by the father of her children then he would be living in his own house that he had paid for.

You can marry no problem - get a good lawyer to tidy everything - if bloody foreign oligarchs can arrange their things in the UK in such a way that they leave their inheritance to whomever they want, surely the same legal mechanisms are available for Brits? I mean - we were all warned about 'mirror wills in second marriages' and told what to do - and people do get around most problems if they want to.

I think you need to get off Mumsnet if it's tainting your life and world view so much. Remember, if tends to be when things go wrong that posters post for support, no when things are unremarkable or going well

Apologies if I’ve missed someone posting this but you can make a will
in contemplation of an intended marriage. It has to name the intended spouse and take place within a reasonable time frame. If you wait until after the marriage, you might get knocked down by the proverbial bus coming out of the register office and then rules of intestacy would apply

What a load of self indulgent nonsense. Sell one of your houses. Move in together. Make provision for your respective children equally from the proceeds of the house sale. Then have mirror wills meaning whichever one of you survives the other stays in the house which is sold once you've both popped your clogs and the proceeds of that sale are divided between the children equally. Nothing is insurmountable. You just don't want to do it.

But actually I agree with the pp who states no one should expect an inheritance.

Me too. You don't need legal piece of paper to be happy OP. I do hope however, that he is not in any way nudging you on this.

I’d much rather my Mum married someone who made her happy, who helped her lived her best life than have her worry about ‘my’ inheritance.
My Mum keeps going on about inheritance, how she won’t do this because it ‘reduces the pot’ etc I keep telling her to spend the lot, I don’t honestly care.
Life is so short, live it to the full, your children, hopefully don’t feel entitled to everything and I’m sure would rather you were happy.
I find it really odd that my Mum is obsessing over trying to hand down vast amounts when she inherited nothing from her own parents as no property etc and still managed to achieve so much.