To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

Marriage doesn’t invalidate a will, if the will is made specifically in contemplation of the marriage. This means that you can go to a solicitor a month or so beforehand and say I’m marrying John on 4 May and I want to make a will ensuring my children don’t lose out.

Get married and then update your will to leave your half of any joint property to your DC. Marriage negates any will made prior to the marriage.

With the right legal provisions after a frank chat about your respective financial positions and plans, I can't see why you couldn't marry. For the life of me I can't see what's complicated about living together either.

What a ridiculous post. Of course you can get married! Why do you think you can't?

But do it the other way around as marriage invalidates previous wills.

You can write a will that stipulates it is to be still the will after marriage and not invalidated. But yeah. Easier to do the will after marriage. Unless you die between the marriage and writing the will

You are allowed to be happy. Your children are adults. Put yourself first for a change.

presumably both people here are housed currently. Why would one person be left homeless if the other passed away. They are adults. They can find a way in which to protect their assets that don’t involve one of them requiring a life interest in a property.

it’s one thing if it’s sprung upon someone and that person has made themselves unable to house themselves due to paying off the other persons mortgage instead of saving but these people are entirely self sufficient now and can continue to be so after one dies.

There are loads of solutions to this, the most obvious being that you could move in with him.

If you lived together, you are essentially burning through two lots of living expenses and taking up two houses - there's no logic in this being better for some theoretical future inheritance.

If you were only focusing on your DCs inheritance, the best thing to do would be to move in with him, rent your house out with the money going into an account for them. It doesn't sound like he has DCs, so if anything you getting married would benefit your DCs as they could end up with his estate as well. Obviously this would be grasping and unpleasant of you, but I'm just using it to point out the flaw in your logic unless there is a drip feed about him being a gambling addict or something.

There are as many possible good outcomes as bad, financially. I'm sure your DCs would want you to be happy as well. I'd hate if my mum prioritised my getting money after she died over living her own life.

Do you have a tendency to overcomplicate things? It's okay to enjoy life without looking for problems.

Of course you can marry. You are choosing not to. Plus being rather dramatic with it 🙄

Sorry, the correct term is 'contemplation' of marriage.

Do a quick google, and find a solicitor who specialises in these.

Why don’t you just discreetly book an appointment with a local solicitor who specialises in wills / family law and explain your case. They should be able to give you sound advice. You obviously don’t have to take their advice.

I don't think your friends situation is particularly complex

Her mother's partner has lived there fir 17 years and her mother wanted them to remain protected in their home once she died.

It doesn't affect the children unless they are selfish or money grabbing. No one is entitled to an inheritance. Their mother could have lived for many more years "delaying" their inheritance, or sold her house to go traveling or needed care.

You can get married, and you can protect your assets if you want. Or you can do as your doing now, but its a choice you make and no option has been taken away from you

There is such a thing as making a Will in anticipation of marriage.

A 'normal' Will be trumped by Marriage. The latter will not.

You can get married 👰‍♀️

Wrong way round! The marriage will invalidate the will, you need to do the will afterwards.

A marriage will give rights in any event. So I probably wouldn't marry in OP's position. But I would live together - just ensure he has a fallback home elsewhere that he can rent out for now

There are many ways to keep life simple but that you could marry.
A decent will is top priority.
Not living in the family home (or moving the new partner into your home) is usually the biggest problem because who wants their children to be lumbered as landlords for an indeterminate period of time? You could sell any property and jointly rent for example.

There are solutions if you want to do it.

Keep your own properties and rent one out. State in your will that if hes in yours he has to move out within 6 weeks to his own property.

Agree. There would be MN outrage.

I'm a bit confused - there are legally ways to protect your children's inheritance, have you spoken to a solicitor yourself?

Edited because I wrote incorrect information

No, get married and THEN make a watertight will. Marriage invalidates any existing wills.

Make a watertight will and then get married

Don't do this, marriage supersedes a will - do it the other way around and then you're fine.

No one is stopping you marrying. Have you taken legal advice on how best to protect your children's inheritance in the event of marriage? Of course you can live together. You don't have to give him the right to live there for life and postpone your children's inheritance. Doesn't your partner have any assets of his own, such as somewhere he could live if you predeceased him, assuming he's your age?

"new" partner of 17 years

FFS - it's not that unusual to leave a long term partner a lifetime interest in the home.
I can imagine the comments if it was a female partner who was left homeless on the death of a long-term partner.