To not allow my almost 11 yo a mobile phone

This will my DS, currently Y5 and has an iPad, Chromebook for homework, switch…he can have a dumb phone for secondary, he knows already he won’t be getting a phone until then and that it won’t be a smart phone like mine. He can access the internet on the iPad or chrome book at home, with parental supervision.

I know the “different” argument is peddled a lot, but kids will pick on kids who they view as different regardless of what gadget they’ve got or not.

Again, where did I say that a smartphone with unfiltered and unrestricted access 24/7 was a solution? I didn’t.

This is absolutely the experience I have. My 14 year old doesn't even know where the text messages are on his phone. A friend of his who wasn't allowed WhatsApp in year 7 definitely got left out because he was forgotten about when plans were being made on a group chat, someone would have had to text him separately and generally self obsessed teens wouldn't remember.

Are you familiar withhttps://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk

I think you are right to not give your kid a smart phone.

there are other options that will allow her to communicate with you and specific friends.

including a watch that can be used for sms and has tracking and calling ability.

you can also totally dumb down a smartphone so that it has very limited features.

im in a similar place and will be readying my self for this in the next year or so.

Not if you don't allow the phone in the bedroom, or overnight, and you check it regularly for any issues.

Stick with your gut feelings! She doesn't need a phone. My son did not have one until he was 14. He's 19 now. He says he's really glad he didn't have one. My daughter was a bit younger, 13. But again, she really barely needs it. I wish I'd held off a bit longer!

Another one here who has allowed a smart phone from secondary school (brick for walking home 1 mile in year 6). They use it for bus/train pass, googlepay, Life360 so I can see they are where they should be.

But very heavy restrictions, we pay £20 a year for screen time app which is great on android (no good on iphone). Bedtime blockers and phones charge downstairs overnight. 1 hour daily usage except for messaging, kindle, drawing app and spotify. We allowed WhatsApp because it's really isolating not to be when everyone else is. But settings so they can only be added to a group by a contact and a rule about not being in massive groups eg whole year group. Also an understanding that we can and will access their phone to check for safety reasons. No Snapchat/Insta/tiktok until 16. Apps can only be added if approved by me.

Our school used to use phones in lessons but now no phones to be on in school. They all have Chromebooks they use for Kahoot and anything else they need during lessons.

It can be done safely. It's not necessarily all or nothing.

Do you think I haven't seen the things you describe? You make an incorrect assumption.

I have however read so much solid research - including that where young people speak for themselves - about how harmful the digital environment is for them too.

This! Mine can have phone for social interactions/video games 30 minutes after homework in the evening (school days) and then I keep it hidden until the morning.

If you're being bullied the last thing you need is a smartphone so you can be bullied after school and all night long too.

No this is wrong. I have twins. Nearly 13. Neither owns a smartphone but they both have a Nokia flip. They nag me but they are not excluded nor bullied. At different schools. Both have lovely friends. Friends who tell me directly that they are not bothered that my children don't own a smartphone. They have access to a laptop and iPad at home for homework. Neither child is damaged. Neither child is excluded. Both children understand my position as their parent and why they don't own a smartphone. They will get one at 14 u less the government brings in a ban sooner.

Giving children a smartphone is utter madness. They are addictive devices. They foster the wrong behaviours. They encourage bullying and sharing of inappropriate content. I've seen it all.

Delay. Don't rush. And join your local Smartphone Free Childhood network. There are lots of parents like you!

My 11 y old DS got a phone for secondary school. He's got what's up groups for his school mates and others that I regularly look on. One boy in his class doesn't have a phone and he's being a bit left our because they use what's up to socialise but also for homework. Teachers communicate via digital site, most of their homework requires internet searches/ doing videos with their phones etc. I guess it depends on your daughter and the type of people she hangs out with. From what I have seen on my son's what's app they mainly discuss video games/school projects.

Except having a phone doesn’t have to be a phone 24/7. Of course it’s a bad idea to give a child unfiltered 24:7 access, but you can protect with controls, no phones in bedroom/after 8pm, parental controls etc.

I think it’s more than some of us have first hand experience of seeing how horrifically bullying in schools impacts a child, their mental health, confidence, school refusal, anxiety, it all has a huge impact.

I’ve seen children in secondary school hospitalised after self harming due to bullying, my younger cousins already know 2 friends lost to suicide after being bullied and they aren’t even 16 yet, it’s awful, and most schools are horrendous at dealing with bullying so it is left to escalate and escalate and escalate.

Anything that makes a child different can make them a target for bullying but the not having a phone makes it a bit of a double edged sword because you get the bullying for not having one & you also get the being left out of the conversations, the plans, the group chats for the park trips or homework etc.

Totally agree. We've got a long way to go.

the 'being left out' thing would be minimised by schools doing what my DD's did.. banning the damn things.

They're not allowed to be taken out during the day and must be switched off in their bags until they've left the school grounds.

The only people who know what kind of phone DD has are her three closest friends, who talk to her via text and Discord outside of school (i have that monitored)

Parents seem more afraid of their kids being 'left out' of the digital toxicity than they are afraid of their kids being exposed to the digital toxicity!

It's so interesting hearing parents worrying about being left out when kids are known to be negatively affected by joining in.

@ICantChoose Do you have a secondary age child? The bullying can be absolutely shocking. I don't say this in defence of smartphones because I hate them but I had a shock at how badly the bullying can be in secondary school. Completely different to my own experience and I went to a pretty rough school.

Getting a bit of stick has turned into being physically assaulted on school premises, horrendous verbal abuse, unable to walk home from school due to fear of assault.

Obviously bullying can be made worse by phones as well. My point is please don't belittle parents who want their kids to fit in because not fitting in in a modern day state comp can be like living in hell for 5 years.

That said I do wish schools would ban smartphones in school and not use smart phones for homework etc and I am very open to minimising their use in childhood.

You don’t see that your child’s mental health is directly linked to their “social standing” in schools though?

This has always been the case, it’s why bullying totally destroys mental health, confidence, self-esteem.

Kids can be absolute arseholes, they can be nasty, and they pick at any little insecurity or difference they can find.

My oldest son had a smartphone from Y6, but my youngest son will be getting a basic Nokia. Neither have social media. Different children have different needs and it’s not a one-size-fits-all issues.
From my point of view, times have moved on, we all know more about the effects of smartphones on kids now, and youngest son is on the ASD spectrum with a lack of impulse control. I’ll reconsider every few months, but am not keen on him having a smartphone until Y9/10.

May I just add that Snapchat is highly addictive? I'd have a constant daily battle with pupils when I told them to put away their phones: "I can't! I'll lose my streak!"

When a streak (whatever that is) was actually lost, I'd see genuine anger in children's faces - particularly when it came to boys. (Testosterone rage?)

My children will get a phone in year 6 but will have no social media and that includes WhatsApp. I will not expose my children to strangers. Too many friends have told me about strange men joining their kids WhatsApp groups and sending weird messages. Also you can’t stop others sending media messages and I don’t want my kids to be exposed to porn and terrorism videos.

I will review my decision when they turn 13 which is the current legal age for social media, although really hoping our government go ahead and up the age to 16.

there is zero evidence to show that social media is a positive for children. It’s absolutely detrimental to their health.

My 12 and 14 year olds still only have a Max of 2 hours per day on thinks like Snapchat and TikTok. That's a lot, and at only 12.

It's like society as a whole has lost perspective.

OP - try your way. Get a flip phone, or similar, and see how she does.