To not allow my almost 11 yo a mobile phone

In my opinion, giving children smartphones should be as socially unacceptable as giving them cigarettes and alcohol. I think you are doing absolutely the right thing OP. You are protecting your child.

My two are only little so we don't have to face this yet but I am crossing everything that our government starts caring enough about children to ban smartphones entirely until 18. Our kids deserve a childhood. I genuinely can't believe primary school kids are expected to use apps and that they use tablets in school. Mine will not be doing that. I feel very strongly about it. No homework will be done if it involves a screen. School can like it or lump it, my kids are not guinea pigs for the effects of screen time on young brains. We all can see how catastrophic the effects have been.

We just make sure it’s well locked down. All apps have to be approved. Can set a time it shuts off if you want. Can see how long they are spending on each app. Make it so set numbers only.

One of mine uses a lot of the art apps and of course homework is all set via the bloody apps and bus tickets on app otherwise it’s £10 per week more expensive.

They 100% need them for starting secondary school imo.

Moat kids will have one and it’s how they establish friendships outside of school hours. It’s unfair for your child to be left out and they’ll resent you.

As the 2nd child, girl after a boy whose parents “learnt from their mistakes” with my older brother, I can assure you you are punishing her. I absolutely hated my parents using the “learning from their mistakes” lines and being or not being able to do things because my older brothers behaviour.

@WinterBones

What's the difference between having a smart phone and having a dumb phone with a tablet?? Why not just put the restrictions you have on the tablet on a smart phone? Genuine question.

I also agree, no monitoring is failsafe and the kids are always ahead of you, and IRL no one I know spends hours looking at what their kids face been doing daily. Plus you need a degree in cyber-recovery to get half the stuff back.

Of course you should still try, but it’s not the answer to this, and definitely second best to kids not having a smartphone in the first place.

There’s a massive “smartphone free childhood” movement now to promote kids being kids without social media. Loads of parents are sending their kids to secondary without smartphones now, we’ve all seen the shit show they’ve caused, time to put an end to it. Maybe you could connect with other local parents in the group for support?

smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk

https://www.thetimes.com/life-style/parenting/article/what-age-should-child-have-phone-w9cls3rnw

And you can be 100% sure they are sticking to your rules, and can be trusted to use it safely? You think they'll never find a way around your controls and never hide anything from you?

Because I know I've got a bit of a problem with my phone... spend way too much time on mumsnet for example... used to lose a lot of time to insta reels etc, noticed my attention span reduced and was reading novels etc way less... spending less time outside, less time moving my body... less time connecting with people in real life and real social interactions... so you think a developing teenagers mind can avoid all that, even if an adult can't?

Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm wrong. But you can't ever be 100% sure, so I don't think the risk is worth it.

Age 16.

It’s not a punishment. It’s protecting kids from things they’re not mature enough to handle.

To set the record straight my son is in year 9 and he has never needed a smart phone for anything. He does use Google to research stuff but on his chrome book.

In terms of safety if this worries anyone then a dumb phone and/ or AirTag is just as useful. More so when you consider how many kids get mugged for phones, wander about not paying attention and in worse case scenarios get groomed or worse online.

My daughter got a very old iPhone at 9 when she started walking herself to school. I locked it down and it’s been fine. She was one of the last in the class as most kids got one in p5. For high school I got her a slightly less old iPhone - still no social media except WhatsApp. They all have iPads all day anyway so have little to protect her from with too much screen time as it’s pretty nonstop at school. She’s very uninterested in all the drama but all her friends have Snapchat so show her all sorts of nonsense. About to get my p4 son a watch as he’s going to walk himself to school soon and is 100% less reliable than my daughter so want something physically attached to him. Will get him an old iPhone in p6 most likely.

Theres no chance she won’t be isolated but if you’re isolating her from something you want to keep her away from then that’s your choice as a parent and you can stand by it. There’s plenty of things I don’t allow my daughter that others have, everyone has a line they won’t cross. I get very twitchy about my daughter being out after dark while plenty of her friends are roaming around for hours yet.

Also want to add that you could get her a basic flip phone ect instead if you're still not keen. I had those when I was younger myself which was the norm and I know a few parents these days who are only allowing those phones til their children are 16. Although my brother wants his daughter to get her first proper smartphone at 18 which is more on the extreme end 🤣

It is fine to have no phone in primary but it can be an issue in secondary. All socialising is organised on their phones on WhatsApp so if they don’t have one, they are out of the loop. I know girls weren’t invited to stuff because it was ‘too much hassle’ to contact them.

You ignored the second part of my post so I will repeat

Better to monitor and teach how to use it safely.

Whats worse? Being left out or...

Having your attention span ruined by apps.
Being bullied on social media.
Being groomed on social media.
Accessing extreme content on any number of platforms.
Not working on your ability to entertain yourself.
Not having time to get bored and be creative.

There's increasing awareness of how damaging smartphones are for young people, especially girls. You'd have to be living under a rock surely to be unaware of this?

There's likely to be some other children who don't have smartphones too, so no way of really knowing if your child is going to be left out.

In any case, being 'left out' while at home is definitely the lesser of all the evils.

So what your saying is your son messed up because he wasn’t mature enough to have a phone so you’re punishing your daughter for his behaviour?

My older 2 now year 8 & 6 we’re both given phones in year 6 in order to get use to having them for high school. It’s here we have ironed out any teething problems, mainly wats app group chats that turned messy. Neither of them join any group chats anymore and automatically take themselves out of them. The conditions around having phones are they belong to us not them. We check as often as we like and they ask permission before getting apps. Year 6 dd lost her phone privileges for 24 hours yesterday for a completely unrelated reason to her phone but she handed it over no arguments.

It was in year 6 we allowed them a bit more freedom, walking home from school going to the shops with friends. This is where a phone coming in handy. My oldest DD was hit by a car one day, she was ok but because she had a phone (her friend didn’t) the lady driving the car was able to call me.

Neither have been in trouble at school because of phones. Year 8 dd is not allowed to take her phone out on school premises without permission, the school have very struct rules, they will confiscate it if it’s seen. She never had any problems or been told off for this.

Both mainly use their phones for social reasons but also for school work. Highschool has apps that the kids need access to, she dose homework on her phone. With more freedom she’s able to stay in touch when she’s out without us.

I hate it when people demonise phones, yes some kids can’t handle them and need guidance but not all.

Dont punish your daughter because your son couldn’t manage having a phone at 11.

Kids will be bullied for not having one, they’ll be the odd one out, it will be “can’t your parents afford one”, or “are you a baby”.

Bullying is everywhere, yes, but you don’t help them by putting a bullseye on their head.

I really don't mean to scare you but my youngest was sexually assaulted and hurt by two adults when she went out in day time and had no phone to contact me or police until she was able to get back... It was absolutely terrible but so much worse could have happened and I was just lucky that she came back at the time. This happened when she was 13 and didn't have access to a phone as I wasn't keen on electronics and apps. She now has one and I've put some restrictions on it and ask to search it occasionally.. that seems to work out for us

I allowed my eldest out on his own a bit later into his teens but I also loosened up in general and started to allow his younger sister to go out at the time. In retrospect I think any child who walks to school or goes out in general should have a way of immediate communication with either parent, particularly girls

Many people have already talked about the being left out angle but just wanted to add that you can also monitor her phone

She will be completely left out.

Kids that age do all the social chat and organising on their phones. Better to monitor and teach her how to use it safely.

I thought you were saying they should have a smartphone in case they are bullied for not having a smartphone?

In my experience of bullies, they'll find something to pick on you for if they've decided you're the victim, regardless of what that trigger is.
So the idea of giving a bully access to my child at home whether it's for 5m a day or all night long is a moot point really.
I cant see one good reason why a smartphone would help a child who's being bullied. Can you?

Kids don't need mobile phones. We are ALL examples of that...
My kids will get phones at 16. When they can pay for them. I'm not robbing them of their childhoods by handing them over to Elon and Zuckerberg!

2 hours a day, 14 hours a week.

That's quite a lot, no?

YANBU

There are actually loads of people making the choice not to give phones, especially smart phones, at 11. My son is 13 and doesn’t have one. He is very IT literate, uses his chrome book for school and of course watches you tube at home for limited periods. He can get a different bus pass not on an app. I’ve said he can have one when he is 14 if he wants one. He’s fine with that. I think actually he’s genuinely happy not to have to deal with school social nonsense in his own time.

I’ve offered him a brick phone but he’s not interested.

The WhatsApp age recommendation is 13 and from what I’ve seen in real life that’s exactly what it should be. Only this week we had an email about links to porn being circulated by 11 year olds on a year 6 WhatsApp- they had entirely bypassed parental controls. And the amount of trouble I’ve seen younger kids get into by just circulating stupid stuff is unreal.

I’d say hold off for as long as you possibly can.