To not allow my almost 11 yo a mobile phone

If I could have my time again it would be 14.

I'd say you'll have way more issues and conflicts without the phone than with it.

I'm really surprised by some of the answers on here. Parental controls may block a website but if the kids know the IP address they can get around it. History can be deleted. I think it's extremely naive to think they're a catch-all for inappropriate content. We're only now seeing the effects of smartphones on adults, let alone kids with their developing brains. I've only heard negative things when kids get phones young and like a pp I wish government would legislate against it, and that parents would follow minimum ages for apps.

This is so depressing. Honestly, stick to your gut OP.

The dangers are too significant - online grooming, warped racist/ misogynistic views, sextortion, online bullying and threats, ruined attention span and no enjoyment in anything else in life.

Working in a school, we won't let DC have smartphones until 16, Nokia for start of secondary. We've had the police come into school several times this year to talk to seemingly nice children from nice families. Children don't have the maturity to use phones effectively. Honestly for me, the racist/ misogynistic views that children are picking up online is enough for me to say no.

I'm so surprised that we aren't hearing from whistleblowers about the damage that tech must know is happening.

This is such a hard one OP. Like others have said, I don't think it's possible to blanket ban phones at this age without alienating your DC from their peers and you.

My DS 11 has had a phone for about 6 months now and we have an app on there and on my phone so I can restrict/ban all kinds of things from, from example, no Facebook allowed at all, 45 mins per day max on Tiktok and not allowed to post anything, no phone access at all at certain times etc.

Crucially, for me, I can also see all his internet searches and all his youtube searches. We had an incident a few months ago where a friend encouraged him to go on some "talk to random stranger" website - of course the random stranger would be an adult of the opposite sex. Luckily it scared him enough that he told me about it but it really brought home to me that we'd gotten way too lax with checking his phone.

I think, as parents, we have to look at mobiles, social media, the internet in general as somewhere new we have to parent. We can't just opt out of it by banning phones/controlling screen access.

There is a growing movement against smart phones in childhood. Sign up to your local WhatsApp group for more info on what is going in your area - https://tr.ee/CAvAklN6TH

This is so depressing. Follow your instincts OP. It’s really not “being mean” not giving 11 year olds phones. It’s really actually the opposite.

Honestly, some of the replies you’ve had actually make me want to weep.

(I’m parent of early teens who have no social media but do have happy social lives - worth noting several of their friends don’t have smartphone either.)

My two older teens got phones at 13 (age kids start seconds school in Ireland). My youngest is 13 in June and starting secondary in September and will get a phone. Tbh though I wish I could just refuse I do not see any benefit whatsoever to having a phone so young. She can do her homework on a tablet and communicate with pals via snap on tablet she does not need to be walking around with access to an online world all the time. Yes we'll have controls as we did with our older two but I just think there is so much more research now about the negative impact it has on young people I feel like a sheep just following the crowd even though I know it's not good for them. I'm glad I didn't have to decide on this when they were 11.

using my phone as an example, if i turn my phone wifi off, i can use the 4G to bypass the households wifi restrictions. (which i do if i need to access an 18+ website during the day)

If i turn my tablet wifi off, i lose the internet completely.

The tablets at home mean i can restrict via the broadband shield i have installed what access they have to the internet in the home.

I don't entirely understand the parents who say their kids don't need a phone as they have a laptop or tablet. My kids do not have laptops or tablets (besides my daughter's school ipad that stays in her backpack) so am wondering what the actual difference is between a phone and a tablet in the sense of screen time? My daughter doesn't have social media (just WhatsApp and I check it now and again) and my kids never go on youtube or anything like that... they barely watch TV. So am very curious to know what the difference is between screen time on a tablet and screen time on a phone. Am sure there's something I'm missing!

If she dosnt see it as a punishment then now a good time to teach her good habits, set the rules while she dosnt care about being attached to it.

My nearly 12 year old just got her first phone. She starts secondary in sept. It’s still linked to my iPhone for parental controls

this. parents are so naive to it. the blocks and time locks make no difference there are ways around it.

i have one for my now for when i need to deep work and there are ways to circumvent. Your kids are more clued up on how to circumvent than you.

ad that doesn't stop the picture messaging, or flashing on videos calls etc. unsupervised internet access is dangerous full stop.

go with your gut OP

even a couple of hours of the constant doom scrolling and dopamine hits of SM isnt good.

get some drawing and graphic design stuff for your computer/laptop and maybe a drawing pad that she can use at home so she can develop digital art skills.

using a computer and those sorts of creative programs are a skill that is worth honing and can be done without plugging into SM. its all distraction and at that age they're too susceptible to influence and anonymised bullying.

Parental controls have changed a lot in the last 8 years though OP 😂😂

Actually 10/11 has been shown as the WORST time for her to get one.
She hasn't even asked yet.

There is growing scientific evidence that smarphones have had detrimental effect on mental health in young people. My son is 10 and I'm not planning on giving him a phone. He won't need it - he has a tablet and laptop at home to do his homework. In most of good secondaries mobile use is anyway banned. He would be glued to it for hours, so I do not see any advantages. I have 2 nephews and they simply stopped talking to people due to screens.

16 for a smartphone. 13 for a brick.

Personally I would ignore the ‘they’ll be left out crowd’ this can be said of many things and we don’t automatically rush to get/do them for our children. As a secondary school teacher who has seen first hand the realities of kids with mobiles (porn/nudes/incel culture/vile bullying on chats etc) I would say dumb phone until 16 minimum. We have never set homework that can only be accessed by phone, the best schools won’t and any school should give you an alternative is you explain your reasoning. I would say what I say to any parent who has asked me the same question in the past, they may be left out of some situations but I would rather they be occasionally left out than experience some of the things I have seen children experience when they have smartphones, I would not do it to my children

My 12 year old doesn’t have a smartphone. There are a few other kids in her year who don’t but they are definitely in a minority. It’s basically fine though. She is slightly different but still has a great social life and plenty of friends. She is not bullied. She is saved all the addiction and distraction and spends her time reading and playing instead. Homework is done on a laptop.

I always said that I wouldn’t give her one unless being without one caused major social problems. What’s wrong with just waiting to see? Give her a phone only when you absolutely have to.

YANBU
I'd look for a school which strictly bans them so you have back up.
DD got one at 14 & I still think that's too early. Before that it was dumb phone then jelly phone (which did have WhatsApp meaning she could coordinate with friends for meet ups as well as see the bullying on the group chat)

FWIW I also think that there’ll be a complete ban on smartphones for 11 yr olds soon, I think we will look back at the last 20 years in the same way we look back now at people smoking when pregnant or driving on the motorway with no seatbelt.

Because from what I have seen the most damaging issue is having access 24/7 to the internet/ social media. Kids don’t cart iPads around with them on the bus/ on a bike/ to the park in the same way as they do phones, so they don’t have that temptation. We have rule that iPads are only watched in the lounge or the playroom at home and we have a filter so much less chance of them watching something dodgy.

Also in schools it’s much more difficult to surreptitiously look at an iPad and send messages, or take a photo up someone’s skirt or of the teacher.

And I am not completely sure but I think WhatsApp doesn’t really work on iPads without mobile connectivity.

I'm sorry this happened to your daughter but you can have a phone which makes calls without having the internet.
People seem to think giving their kids a phone means giving them as smart phone. Mine will be getting a flip phone or the like, so they can get hold of me and text their friends.