To not allow my almost 11 yo a mobile phone

I remember as a teen getting in from school and straightaway calling my friends, on the house phone, in the kitchen! Wanting to be in touch with friends constantly isn't a new thing, as long as you set up security, have rules, monitor etc 11 is fine. Presumably your 11 yo has plenty of rules around other things, this is just something to add to it.

Mine have had phones since before 11, divorced parents, made contact easier when apart. Now at 11 and 13 they don't even see them as a big deal, and often leave at home. They both know I reserve the right to look through their whole phone at any point though!

The parents at eldest grand- daughters cohort at school have decided between them not to allow any of them mobile phones, unfortunately they only at primary but would be great if it continued. I understand the pressures to have one todays news from the NCA does nothing to reassure that they are a good idea

this is why we compromise. the smartphone is new, currently she is happy to leave it downstairs over night, but she is allowed her tablet in her room, she also has her switch and steam deck up there, but she isn't one for staying on them late, she likes her sleep, lol.

if that changes we'll talk about it.

I thought i was reasonable to and restrictions sensible (i.e. no porn, no bullying)
Bu he just didn't want to leave it downstairs overnight. And its quite a few years ago now, our router didn't "tell us" there was another phone in the house.

We've had issues at school with a child getting around the school's filters and controls. Children can use 'safe' apps (Google sheets, scratch) to access sites and keywords which are blocked.

You only need to look to Silicon Valley to see the writing on the wall - they are not giving their own children phones!

Hold of as long as possible. My 14yo has a brick phone, my 11yo doesn’t have anything. It can be done - they will moan and moan, but too bad.

I'd like to see either of them try, and tbh, i genuinely don't think either of them would even think about it, i'm a reasonable parent and any website they want access to i'm open to discussing and compromising on.

I have very regular conversations about internet safety, and the dangers of social media and what can happen when things go wrong, and the long reaching consequences of that.

They have no need to sneak stuff past me to bypass my very sensible restrictions that have been made with their agreement, input, and understanding.

What is Kahoots?!

Very much agree. A good friend is very high up at Meta (Facebook) and rhe little he can share fills me with dread. 10 years ago they specifically targeted 10-12 age group as they knew teens/20s were migrating to other platforms. He told me he has a basic phone with hacks like keeping the brightness at medium and only basic apps as internally it’s recognized how addictive these things are. The amount of crap and manipulation these companies research, test and then push out purely to keep us on the apps is well, insidious. Knowing the damage they are doing. It is not for young minds at all.

It’s a super difficult issue - and I’m not at the stage of tackling this yet - but I don’t think I will allow a smartphone until Year 9. Although I think there’s a good chance that social norms will have changed by the time I get to that point and people will think the idea of giving an 11 year old a smartphone is deranged rather than an irresponsible way to get them ostracised.

Kate Winslet did it.

There are phones and there are smart phones. A phone without internet for text messages would be fine.

My humble opinion is that 15 is probably okay for a smart phone- you've come through the worst of the teen years by then and everyone is a bit more settled identity wise. It might coincide with GCSE years so would need monitoring / making sure they are being mature enough with it.

I just think it ruins childhood - I was moody enough as a teen but at least I dealt with problems by trying to fix them not escape from them on my phone.

Ok…I’m 46… for first 10 years of my life my parents decided to not let me watch Tv as felt it would be detrimental to my learning and education. (I went in to film school and work in film…;) … but…) I think it wasn’t a bad move. I read voraciously, had a reading age years above my my actual age and had a wild imagination as result. I didn’t have the social connections forged around TV and it was thought of as a bit odd. I’ve never seen an episode of Dallas or dynasty to this day ;). I say this as I think mobile phones for people under 16… it’s mental. Luddite warning in coming! They are actually mobile computers not phones. As an adult the overwhelm of social media, information, information being shared at a non human pace … it’s too much for us let alone lil kid brains. War and porn drive technology and the amount of violence and sex - I swear this so driving the massive rise in kink, fetishisation etc. I am totally fine with all of this but have seen in younger generation a massive massive rise in dom/ sub interest. A bit of a tangent but the balance btw being tech literate vs the damage the literal addictive nature of mobiles has - id side with you and say no til older.

I have a 19yo as well and if I’d had another child they wouldn’t have been allowed a phone until they were 14 at least.
My dd had controls on her phone and still managed to download an app that resulted in her messaging random men aged 13 😢
I personally think the isolation from friends excuse is bullshit, if I had my way mobile phones would be banned completely for under 16s.
I managed to survive until the grand age of 21yo without a mobile phone there’s no reason for children to have one imo.

I think in the future they will be banned for under 16s much like smoking was.

We didn't give our daughter a phone until she had started secondary school and she turned 12 that September.
She's not allowed any social media or WhatsApp
She is absolutely thriving, loads of friends and at a different club everyday after school. In no way has it been detrimental to her by holding off getting a her a phone or restricting what is on it. In fact it's been my best parenting decision so far even if I do say so myself.

The thing is it really angers me we’re meant to accept this is just the world now. And bow to pressure to spend ££ on giving children something that impacts their attention and brings a world of risk with it (let alone endless fights re limiting it!)

This serves billionaires in Silicon Valley but no one else.
I am praying we go the way of Australia, I’m glad people are standing up to the power and influence of tech.

If they connect it to the wifi it flags up and if they don’t it pops up on our network as a connectable device anyway. Bit like air tags let you know it’s there. Our router tells us there is a device that can connect if it’s detected for so long or his deliberately gone into pairing mode. Dh set it up when doing all the fucking smart bulbs 😅

If you give your child the tech you as the adult have to be able to 100% understand it. Far too many parents don’t and that is where the problems come from.

They can only watch hours of TikTok if you let them, they can only be up till 2am texting if you let them. Being a parent extends to the phones but far too many cnba.

My 7 and 9 year olds both have phones because they do organise things socially (7 year old tends to run round and knock rather than phone though) and do walk and cycle by themselves. My 9 year old phones her friends a lot to see if they are free to play and to organise where to meet. They both phone us to let us know if they want to go round a friend's house after school. Phones are indeed useful! It's very normal where we live for children to have lots of freedom to play out and meet their friends independently and imo the benefits of that vastly outweigh the risks.

BUT they are brick phones - no internet, no cameras, call and text only. I don't see any reason they can't continue to call their friends to organise things well into their teenage years. Absolutely no need to be sending pictures, videos or links to each other or anything that can't be done on a basic Nokia. I've no intention of giving them smartphones any time soon.

what if they sneak another device in? something you didn't even know they had?

I bet people said the same about wearing seatbelts, putting children in car seats and passive smoking. It’s just entry level responsible parenting.

And just watching BBC news.. if you have any doubt, i suggest you watch the news report about the online groups aiming harm at young girls via social media.

this is what also baffles me. i grew up with computers, there is very little my kids can do that i can't spot, i know more about these things than they do and so far, nothing they've done has got past me because 9/10 it ends up damaging the computers and they stop working.

Parents who aren't tech savvy themselves in this day and age definitely have no place handing a pre-teen a smart phone.

This is what I've been trying to say, much less eloquently.

You know what’s best for your child, So go with your gut instinct.
I think after watching adolescence a lot of parents will be thinking the same as you.

Children’s brains are not at all adapted to cope with smartphones and all they entail. The social reward-seeking parts of the brain start to mature around the age of 10-12, but the area responsible for self-control and will-power isn’t operating on all cylinders till our mid-twenties. Throw in algorithms advanced enough to even hold adults’ attention hostage for hours at a time, and we still expect to give our children the means to access all of this yet expect them to emerge on the other side completely unscathed, and with a healthy relationship towards themselves, society, and the internet. Bonkers.

Virtue signalling

Making a choice on how to parent your kids is not virtue signalling, it is a genuine choice for your family.