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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU? Partner upset over a joke overreacting or fair enough?

71 replies

ProposedWorm · 25/03/2025 11:35

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU situation. DP is in a mood with me because of a joke I made, and I’m not sure if I was being U or if he’s just being a bit of a snowflake.

Basically, we were chatting with some friends, and I made a lighthearted comment about how he always takes forever to get ready like, proper faffing about while I’m sat there ready to go. It got a few laughs, but DP went all quiet and sulky. Later, he told me it was embarrassing and that I made him look bad. I apologised, but he’s still being a bit off with me.

For context, we do tease each other a bit, and he’s usually fine with it, so I was a bit surprised by the reaction. I didn’t think it was that deep, but now I’m second-guessing myself.

So, AIBU? Should I have kept my mouth shut, or is he overreacting?

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 25/03/2025 12:06

There's a difference between teasing, and teasing in front of others. You haven't really addressed that in your replies.

SometimesCalmPerson · 25/03/2025 12:02

It’s not a joke if the other person is upset by it, so you need to apologise properly.

Scorchio84 · 25/03/2025 12:01

I think it was a fairly innocous comment, I'm notoriously late because of bad time management (faffing) & get slagged off, quite rightly, because I'm never late for work or appointments, I have to take it on the chin because it's me being rude

You've apologised that should be it

pikkumyy77 · 25/03/2025 12:00

I would really go towards him. Its not a question, merely, of apology. Something really hurt him. I would come to him privately and reapologize but also say “is something bothering you about us/our friends/work because it seems as though what I meant in a lighthearted fashion landed like a blow.” I would assume, if he can usually take a little ribbing, that he was feeling horribly vulnerable at that moment.

Original poster
ProposedWorm · 25/03/2025 12:00

MrTiddlesTheCat · 25/03/2025 11:55

You say you've said sorry but you certainly don't sound sorry. Maybe he feels that too and that's why he's still off with you.

Yeah, maybe you’re right. I did say sorry, but I guess I was more “sorry you’re upset” rather than actually thinking about why he was.

I didn’t mean to embarrass him, but if that’s how he felt, then my intent doesn’t really matter, does it? Might need to swallow my pride and apologise properly. Ugh, hate these awkward conversations, but I don’t want him to stay in a mood with me either.

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 25/03/2025 11:55

You say you've said sorry but you certainly don't sound sorry. Maybe he feels that too and that's why he's still off with you.

TheFunHare · 25/03/2025 11:55

I'd find it hard to imagine why someone would get offended over that comment. It's obviously something he feels sensitive about but hard to see why especially if you have that sort of relationship where you do tease each other.

Original poster
ProposedWorm · 25/03/2025 11:55

verycloakanddaggers · 25/03/2025 11:39

Snowflake? Using that word is a warning sign you're minimising.

You made fun of your partner in front of others, what were you hoping he would feel during that piece of the conversation?

Fair point about the wording didn’t mean to minimise, just genuinely surprised by his reaction.

Honestly, I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad, it was just one of those off-the-cuff comments that I thought was harmless. We’ve both joked about each other before, so I didn’t think twice in the moment. I suppose I assumed he’d just laugh along, not feel embarrassed.

Do you think I should bring it up again and properly apologise, or just let him have his space?

OP posts:
Redpeach · 25/03/2025 11:55

If its so inconsequential and harmless, why bother saying it

DennisRoundThePost · 25/03/2025 11:55

Dh and I make fun of each other at home and with the children who are now adults so they understand that you can laugh at yourself. However, I would never make him the butt of any joke when out with friends as I wouldn't want him to do that to me. What we say in private is not what we would say in public.

anareen · 25/03/2025 11:52

I don't believe it's funny to put your partner down in front of friends..... that's odd.
Perhaps you joke like that to each other, alone.....but in the presence of others....... 😬
I think his feelings are valid. He even communicated that to you in what sounds like a healthy way.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/03/2025 11:52

Why would you say that? The only reason was to laugh at him in front of people he cares about and invite them to join in causing his embarrassment. Nasty.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 25/03/2025 11:51

Showerflowers · 25/03/2025 11:49

I think you owe him an apology. He has every right to be upset. Making a joke at your partners expense isn’t nice.

If you did read her post properly, you can see if she has apologised.

Redpeach · 25/03/2025 11:51

Bants n lols at others expense, not good

SpringIsSpringing25 · 25/03/2025 11:50

IlooklikeNigella · 25/03/2025 11:47

It sounds like one of those things that for whatever reason he felt embarrassed whereas usually the teasing would be taken and given in good spirits.

But you've said sorry and he's still off with you? I'd leave him to snap out of it now. It was poor judgment, not malicious. He needs to snap out of it.

I agree.

what did they find so embarrassing about you saying he faffs about getting ready??

It's probably not the image he wants to portray to his friends.

Showerflowers · 25/03/2025 11:49

I think you owe him an apology. He has every right to be upset. Making a joke at your partners expense isn’t nice.

IlooklikeNigella · 25/03/2025 11:47

It sounds like one of those things that for whatever reason he felt embarrassed whereas usually the teasing would be taken and given in good spirits.

But you've said sorry and he's still off with you? I'd leave him to snap out of it now. It was poor judgment, not malicious. He needs to snap out of it.

applegrumbling · 25/03/2025 11:43

Sounds quite unkind of you.

BurntBanana · 25/03/2025 11:41

On the face of it, it sounds like an overreaction as it’s hardly something private and embarrassing to be called a bit of a faffer who takes ages to get themselves sorted. But I guess it depends on how that conversation actually went and if the point were laboured a bit too much and laughed at a bit too loudly.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 25/03/2025 11:39

It is not a win to make your friends laugh at your partner's expense. I guess I don't understand why you would do that.

verycloakanddaggers · 25/03/2025 11:39

Snowflake? Using that word is a warning sign you're minimising.

You made fun of your partner in front of others, what were you hoping he would feel during that piece of the conversation?

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