Why are we letting children call the shots?

You can ignore the advice can’t you.

I can see that my post has a lot of responses, so to answer a few in bulk:

1. Yes, he practices at home. He's not going to learn to sit still in exciting new places without practice though, he doesn't learn that at home. He isn't going to magically learn how to sit still in a restaurant by waiting to do it when he's older.

2. By family friendly, I also mean largely empty spaces with lots of spaces between tables and play areas that we stick to. I don't let him go anywhere near staff areas or other's tables, and ideally have him playing outside or in the play area before food is ready.

3. I massively disagree that all children are natural explorers. How do I know this? Extensive involvement in early years development programmes, also knowing multiple children as well as my own. My son needs help in learning sitting still, others need help in other areas. It's also super cute that people with still/inactive children think that they don't just have a chill child as opposed to their genius parenting. There are timid kids, bold kids, eaters, drawers... My son is a mover, and has been since 8 weeks old.

4. Even strapped in, a discontented toddler can dangerously rock a highchair and scream, which is far more distracting than walking past a table holding my hand on the way to play.

I'm not defending myself here, just disagreeing with posters who think that they know for sure what I'm doing, that I'm inconveniencing other people, and that I'm raising a little heligan. I'm raising the child I have in front of me, not the imaginary one in people's heads.

My rule is that if they want to eat they stay at the table. I don't get these people that chase after kids with spoonfuls of food, couldn't be arsed with that. I also can't be arsed with them going off and coming back, meals take a reasonable amount of time and then the table is cleared. If you leave then someone else might eat your food and if you didn't eat enough then there's always the next meal.

I don't understand all this talk of forcing. Most children who are encouraged to behave a certain way from an early age don't need to be forced into a chair.

My youngest nephew was a wriggling explorer (among other things) himself. He soon learned that if you don't sit, you don't eat. You can explore while everyone else eats, and when you're good and hungry, you can sit and eat too.
No-one was spending dinner time following him around at his house, my parents' house or mine. By the time he got to a restaurant he knew to sit down and eat/draw/sleep or chat.

How old is the child?

Sorry this is nonsense, preschool age is what 3 or 4 ?
European 2, 3 and 4 year olds sit at a table for meal times 3 times a day. Of course NT children can be trained to do this. This book is good on this :

Unusual to have HV contact at this age, so much more context is needed.

If the issue is low intake of food, or there are other reasons for seeing the HV, then it may be the right advice.

'Picking your battles' has been wise parenting advice since the year dot.

Sit at the table eh? A good proportion of the kids on my council estate don't even know how to use cutlery.

Yep, that's the normal way of things.

If you set age-appropriate standards and adjust, it'll usually be just fine.

This is pretty unfair. I agree with this poster to an extent, if you forcible strap a toddler into a high chair when they don’t want to be there you are just going to get a screaming tantrum.

Exploring a restaurant doesn’t mean bothering other diners. I often used to take my babies for a little walk around to look at pictures / ornaments / the fire / out the windows etc if they were getting a bit fed up. This is fine to do in the right restaurant.

As I said, my own children now have better table manners than many adults I know so I don’t think I went too far wrong.

I've never heard this advice anywhere OP?

Where did you hear it?

My baby is only 9 months, but we're already all eating at the table together. I personally plan to always eat at the table, but let Friday night be a pizza in front of the TV kind of night, as a mini celebration to the end of the week, and relaxed way to start the weekend. I won't start this until maybe Y3 though.

I agree that children need to learn basic social etiquette and to eat without getting up and down. I think there can be slightly different rules for home and out. At home, I'd personally allow my child to go if they'd finished eating, asked politely, and put their dishes in the sink or etc. Restaurants you obviously have to sit still, but I'd be fine with a book or colouring when finished.

Letting children free roam in a restaurant isn't fair on other diners. If my 9mo is getting bored and angry, I personally pick her up and take her a brief walk (held walk) to the bathroom and show her around if toys aren't working, or to the bar. If it's nice I'd take her outside. When she's a toddler, if it was nice I'd also briefly take her outside for a little breather. Yes we all need to learn to sit at a table, but it's very unreasonable to expect children that young to remain at a table for a couple of hours. Just don't inconvenience other diners with it.

Holding very young children to the standards of adults is unfair. Most grown adults also like a break to stretch their legs in long boring situations, such as planes or work meetings. No normal person outside of this forum is going to be judging a woman walking her baby around a little if she isn't getting in the way. It's better than crying!

I was going to say the same thing.

Both of mine went through a phase at around 18m-2ish when it was very hard to get them to sit at the table so we did lunch on the go - e.g.a lunchbox at the playground where they would play, then come back for a bit of sandwich, then play again etc

They both sit very nicely at the table now they are primary aged.

I don’t know, as I see a lot of professionals on a daily basis rushing about and eating on the go so maybe these children will be prepared for their fast paced future lives where lunch breaks aren’t a thing!

Quite.

Apparently = I'm going to wind you up and watch you dance.

I’ve been stopped and ASKED. Has anyone been stopped from travelling or entering a country?

Said every older generation ever.

The word "Apparently" in the OP is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. It reminds me of "Apparently they can send you to jail for 5 years for saying something nasty about Keir Starmer" or "Apparently every migrant who washes up at Dover gets a 6-bedroom mansion and a BMW". Could we perhaps be told who is giving this alleged advice, so that we can judge whether this thread is just rage bait?

Because "we" are fools.
Going to be so many undisciplined, unemployable adults in the years to come......

@trivi , I find it best to ignore some of the advice. My parents, extended family and siblings managed to raise reasonably adjusted children, so I tend to follow their proven methods. I adopt what works and leave what doesn't.

I do feel sorry for some of the children I encounter, as they just don't know what to do with themselves and all the freedom they have.

The OP is written in a goady tone!

In the pre-school phase, normal to get up and down.

Primary school age, for regular family meals once finished (not necessary to clear plate), ask to leave the table.

Primary age, special occasions or at other houses, stay at the table bored.

Forcing pre-school kids to sit too long teaches nothing and gives everyone else indigestion. The point is you adjust expectations appropriately.

If your kid is "exploring" round my table while I'm trying to eat in peace with my family while you watch and let him do what the fuck he wants, I'll tell him off myself.

At home my children eat wherever they want, the older ones choose to eat in their rooms, younger ones will sit at the table but my 5 year old will get up and walk about. They all have ASD. We rarely go out but if we do they will all sit at a table ,the expectation is clearly set out and they have coping strategies if it’s difficult for them, the older two will likely in that situation not be able to eat at all but they have a drink and then can rest and ‘get over’ the situation when home. The youngest can really struggle but we take books and colouring and one of us can go outside or to the car if they get really noisy.

My primary age children have impeccable table manners, but it sounds to me like you are talking about very young children. With the best will in the world it can be hard to force a 2 year old to stay at the table if they don’t want to. It doesn’t mean they will still be doing it age 6, it’s just a work in progress. It is ok hold children of different ages to different standards of behaviour.