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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to exclude DM from Mothers Day plans?

105 replies

TillyannaB · 25/03/2025 09:34

Back story; my mum (dad not really on scene) of 3 daughters in 30’s- I live with DH and DC (9). My 2 sisters live with DM - both sometimes stay at boyfriends. One sister (L) I get on with and we have contact. Other sister (O) and I had a disagreement 5 years ago and she took the hump and hasn’t spoke since. This got my back up as promises she made to my DC were not carried out - likely to get back at me.
I sent 3 texts over about 3 months attempting contact (from a let’s move on perspective) but no reply.

Unfortunately DM loved the drama.
DM uses this to her advantage and for example will ask to spend her birthday day with my family doing something she wants then will go out in the evening with sisters.
I have known this years and just got on with it but this year it’s like she has been quite sly/ demanding and it’s annoyed me. She’s booked a meal at a fancy restaurant for her and my sister’s- my family and I aren’t invited, she knows DH stays with his own DM Mother’s Day weekends as she is far away so it would just be me and dc. She in fact text to say her late afternoon and evening are taken so where are we (me and my dc) taking her in the day but she needs to be back for 4pm to get ready to go out for her meal.

My DC has no idea about the depths of above. I asked her what she wants to do on Mothers Day and grandma can come but she said she wants a day just for me and her. I actually like this idea as we rarely have this and while it fits with how annoyed I am with DM I also feel guilty.

AIBU to not take my mum out like normal? DC would ‘let’ grandma come but I then feel like I’m not listening to her wants of a day for the 2 of us.

I can’t split the day as I can’t take DM home easily without our day ending there so she can have her other plans.

I am deep down annoyed with DM as she could ‘help’ my dc get her auntie back (even excluding me) but it’s like she prefers it this way as she gets double everything- years ago it would be 1 outing/ celebration for us all.

Everyone irl is biased so asking on here.
please be honest I can take it.
Thanx

OP posts:
witheringrowan · 25/03/2025 09:53

Your mother knows you and one of your sisters don't get on. I don't see how doing things separately with each of you on birthdays/Mothers Day is reveling inthe drama or playing you off against each other - surely it's just a way of managing two adults who can't get on?

Go see your mother in the morning for a walk/coffee, do whatever you want with your kids in the afternoon and evening, don't make a drama out of it.

Hoppinggreen · 25/03/2025 09:51

Just back away from the lot of them and their toxic dynamics and have a lovely time with your DD

Indianajet · 25/03/2025 09:49

While agreeing the OP should have a lovely day out, just her and her daughter, I don't think her OH should be accused of abandoning her to visit his own Mum.
A lot of people seem to think only mums 'in the thick of it' should be celebrated - what about the mums who have brought up their children, spending years doing it, possibly making sacrifices in their own lives to do so? All mums, who are/have been great mums, should be honoured.

MissDoubleU · 25/03/2025 09:40

Of course it’s not unreasonable. You are the mother now, this day should be about you. Spend it with your DC as your husband feels it so necessary to abandon you every year for his own mother.

Your mum is having a fuss made by her other DC. Send her a card. Some flowers if you really want. There is absolutely no reason for adults to feel pressure to spend time with their parents on Mother’s Day. The whole point is to celebrate the mothers who are, right now, doing the hard work of parenting. Like you are. Spend it however you blood want.

wheretoyougonow · 25/03/2025 09:40

Listen to your child. She has a brilliant idea and sounds like something you would actually look forward to.
Let go of your guilt. You are a mum so the day should mainly be about you! Maybe see your mum the day before to give her a card? I would be pleased with that and proud that my daughter is such a lovely mum spending the day with her own daughter.