Rude colleague - confront or ignore?

Screamingabdabz · 26/03/2025 21:46

Maybe they’re waiting to thank you after the follow up email which details the stuff you had to go away and research? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Relaxaholic · 26/03/2025 21:31

It’s rude not to say thank you but surely helping your colleagues is part of your job, rather than a huge favour? If you have a lot of experience then of course you should share your experience with colleagues. I would let it go.

MissHollysDolly · 26/03/2025 21:17

Is it your job? If not, just don’t do it next time. Don’t say you’re busy, just say no.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/03/2025 20:23

dotdotdotdash · 25/03/2025 12:48

Of course YANBU. I get this a lot in my job and don’t say anything at the time, but tend to be less ‘helpful’ with such colleagues in future. It’s stupid of them as I’m a good ally to have and they waste good will pointlessly. What goes around comes around…

This
Store it @UnusuallyLargePelvis and don't descend to their level.

Rosie8880 · 26/03/2025 20:18

UnusuallyLargePelvis · 25/03/2025 08:16

A colleague recently emailed me to 'pick my brain' on a subject in which I have a lot of expertise.

Despite the fact they hadn't even said 'please' in the email, I answered what I could and told them that the other queries would require me to spend time doing some research. I explained that I was busy at the moment but happy to look into it later.

They have not so much as acknowledged my response, let alone said thank you.

For some reason, this has really wound me up. I've not mentioned anything as I imagine they would take great offence if I suggested they were rude. But, I feel that I ought to say something, in case they ever want my help again.

Am I overreacting?

YABU - who cares, get over it.
YANBU - yes, they are rude and entitled. Tell them.

you are being reasonable to feel annoyed. But. I’d leave it. Just log their response in your memory and should they ask again just politely decline.

Newtess · 25/03/2025 20:11

I think you're overreacting. Some go through their emails all together when they've got time. Maybe they're thinking about a response. It's not something I'd sweat about.

SummerDaysOnTheWay · 25/03/2025 19:41

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 25/03/2025 08:33

If you said you was busy I wouldn’t then send a email saying thank you as you’ve just said your busy so taking your time to read another email when your already helping me, I would assume is taking the piss a bit.

Im sure they are grateful for your help and will probably say thank you later, when you’re less busy.

But that’s still rude. If you’ve read the email. It’s basic manners.

KStockHERO · 25/03/2025 12:52

I'd move on for now, but would never do anything to help that colleague ever again.

dotdotdotdash · 25/03/2025 12:48

Of course YANBU. I get this a lot in my job and don’t say anything at the time, but tend to be less ‘helpful’ with such colleagues in future. It’s stupid of them as I’m a good ally to have and they waste good will pointlessly. What goes around comes around…

AnSolas · 25/03/2025 12:43

ExtraOnions · 25/03/2025 09:56

Royally gets on my tits when people email “thanks”, stop clogging up my inbox, and why are you thanking me for doing my job? .. it’s my job, I get paid for it, that it thanks enough.

It was not the OPs "job"
The work did not come in via her reporting line, and will not be added into the OPs end of year deliverables review nor will it result in the OPs manager seeing it as contributing to their end of year review.
The other staff member cant be be assed to recognise that the OP made their job easier.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 25/03/2025 11:34

ExtraOnions · 25/03/2025 09:56

Royally gets on my tits when people email “thanks”, stop clogging up my inbox, and why are you thanking me for doing my job? .. it’s my job, I get paid for it, that it thanks enough.

Good manners cost nothing. Who would have thought that politeness could be so annoying?

ExtraOnions · 25/03/2025 09:56

Royally gets on my tits when people email “thanks”, stop clogging up my inbox, and why are you thanking me for doing my job? .. it’s my job, I get paid for it, that it thanks enough.

Zebedee999 · 25/03/2025 09:52

UnusuallyLargePelvis · 25/03/2025 08:16

A colleague recently emailed me to 'pick my brain' on a subject in which I have a lot of expertise.

Despite the fact they hadn't even said 'please' in the email, I answered what I could and told them that the other queries would require me to spend time doing some research. I explained that I was busy at the moment but happy to look into it later.

They have not so much as acknowledged my response, let alone said thank you.

For some reason, this has really wound me up. I've not mentioned anything as I imagine they would take great offence if I suggested they were rude. But, I feel that I ought to say something, in case they ever want my help again.

Am I overreacting?

YABU - who cares, get over it.
YANBU - yes, they are rude and entitled. Tell them.

I'd not say anything, you have learnt something about their character, that is all you need to know. If it becomes a repeated pattern then say something but as a one off ignore it as they may be stressed/busy etc or just not got round to thanking you in person yet.

whatisgoingonwithmycareer · 25/03/2025 09:49

If you'd done the research for them it would be rude of them not to reply, but as I understand it, you haven't done anything for them, you just replied to their email with a holding email saying not right now but I'll do it later? And it's your reply that they haven't replied to?

I can see that it would be better for them to have gone "much appreciated!" or "lovely, thanks!", or use the thumbs up button if you're in that sort of office, but god, I forget to reply to holding emails all the time and I don't mean any offence by it. I'm just busy and easily distracted and I'd rather say thanks in person I guess?

Lighteningstrikes · 25/03/2025 09:29

More fool them. Ignore any future emails and let them learn the hard way.

Do not contact them, you’ll make yourself look like you’re the one with the problem.

pawpatrollerr · 25/03/2025 09:22

ItGhoul · 25/03/2025 08:44

This is such a minor annoyance. Yeah, maybe mildly rude but it’s hardly a big deal, surely? I probably wouldn’t even have noticed the lack of thanks, and if you were busy, why would you want another email to open anyway?

This is the kind of thing that happens a million times a day in the workplace and really such a non-event that I’m amazed you’ve devoted more than a speck of headspace to it.

Agree

AnSolas · 25/03/2025 09:17

AstonishedWaiting · 25/03/2025 08:59

Yes, a lot of people simply don’t want another email clogging up their inbox. The ‘thanks’ would be mitigated by the ‘Oh, god, another email’.

Like @Otins said, many workplaces ask you to acknowledge or thank in person.

Either way, presumably if the colleague wants you to go ahead and research what they asked, they will need to get back to you?

Show quote history

Yep. Its different depending on the culture.
I would always add a "Thank You" edit to the subject line so its obvious that no action (open to read) was needed. But if I wanted the OP to spend extra time I would send a proper email saying thanks and recognising that I am adding to her work load.

Ellie1015 · 25/03/2025 09:14

I would not say anything but I would not be going out of my way to help them other than what is required (if it is work related).

Hufdl · 25/03/2025 09:09

I would add that I think a quick "thanks for that" when they meet you, or passing your office would be perfectly acceptable.
No acknowledgement IMO is rude.

HenDoNot · 25/03/2025 09:05

I wouldn’t confront them but I certainly wouldn’t be doing any further research or helping them out again.

In fact if they email asking for your help again, unless a specific part of your role is to do what they’ve asked of you, I wouldn’t even acknowledge receipt of their email.

AstonishedWaiting · 25/03/2025 08:59

ItGhoul · 25/03/2025 08:44

This is such a minor annoyance. Yeah, maybe mildly rude but it’s hardly a big deal, surely? I probably wouldn’t even have noticed the lack of thanks, and if you were busy, why would you want another email to open anyway?

This is the kind of thing that happens a million times a day in the workplace and really such a non-event that I’m amazed you’ve devoted more than a speck of headspace to it.

Yes, a lot of people simply don’t want another email clogging up their inbox. The ‘thanks’ would be mitigated by the ‘Oh, god, another email’.

Like @Otins said, many workplaces ask you to acknowledge or thank in person.

Either way, presumably if the colleague wants you to go ahead and research what they asked, they will need to get back to you?

Pussycat22 · 25/03/2025 08:57

Next time , tell them you don't know.

AnSolas · 25/03/2025 08:54

Its rude.
They have made their own life harder by making you feel that you have spent time making them "shine" in their role without a simple thanks for your help reply.

Clearingaspace · 25/03/2025 08:47

Hufdl · 25/03/2025 08:33

Very rude.
I would not put myself out for them, nor would I add to the reply you have sent.

I wouldn't tackle them on their rudeness I would just adapt my behaviour and match their energy.

I would probably do along the lines of this.

i ticked yabu - not that I think you are, but this happens at my work quite a lot. I think it would come off more rude to complain/ could cause more stress for you, as they might have reasons why they didn’t respond - even something stupid like they accidentally deleted the email.

CharlotteBakewell · 25/03/2025 08:47

I would reply asking if they’d received your email.