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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cut sister out of my life

30 replies

Maxi77 · 25/03/2025 01:11

Looking for some advice. I used to be very close to my sister when we were young but we have drifted apart as adults, and due to her behaviour, she really isn't someone I want to be around. She has a temper and we have all born the brunt of it over the years (for example her screaming at me and refusing to leave my house) but as it's family we have forgiven and got on with it. However on top of that she has become very controlling of our parents (is constantly around them) and is very self centred. For example, last year she asked me over for a mother's day afternoon tea but didn't tell me that she was actually taking my parents out to lunch before hand. Second example, when I announced that i was pregnant her first reaction was to cry because she wanted to try for a baby soon. Third example, we hosted Christmas this year as we had our newborn and it was easier than transporting the baby. While sister did bring food for the meal, she debated me about the time for lunch as she wanted it later as she was tired from working! Meanwhile i was up with baby every few hours during the night. Has maybe asked how me and the baby are twice in 4 months.

I'm at the point that I don't want to see her at all but only do occasionally to placate my parents who have rose tinted glasses on about her. AIBU to feel this way? Any suggestions for how I could convey the message to our parents?

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 25/03/2025 01:53

I've seen far worse examples of toxic behaviour tbh. Your sister sounds unpleasant, but arguing about the timing of Christmas dinner, for instance, sounds like fairly ordinary family shit. If that's one of your top examples I think you might be unreasonable.

user1492757084 · 25/03/2025 01:51

Those instances, while not nice, are fairly trivial in the grand scheme of life.
You don't live with sister.
You don't have to see her day to day.
You only have to see her and be civil to one another at Christmas and when together with your parents.

Don't cut her out. Just set your own boundaries for what you will or won't do etc. Give her some space after she behaves inappropriately. Does she have a personality disorder?

Make a lovely bunch of friends to compensate your lack of sister support.

HeySnoodie · 25/03/2025 01:42

in your shoes I’d see her when she’s nice and quietly give her space when she’s horrid. She will quickly learn that when ever she’s awful she won’t see you for a month.

Outlookmainlyfair · 25/03/2025 01:34

She sounds a pain but going nc sounds extreme and could backfire. Limit contact and keep your guard up and keep contact on your terms wherever possible.

Zanina · 25/03/2025 01:28

Can you quietly phase her out so that you only see her at Christmas? Might mean you will see your parents less but if they're switched on enough they will clock it for themselves. I'd massively move on with your life without a fuss and hope that she gets busier with hers. I say this, recently I cut my brother and his wife off for their bullying behaviour towards family members. But I had to wait until they majorly messed up so that it would be hard for them to blame me or everyone's just let's it go. So now that they are pretty much frozen out by most of the family and petience has worn thin, I've heard my brother is feeling not so powerful anymore. So I'd day unless she's bullying you, make it big issue. But otherwise it sounds like if you have a dog, she needs to have a tiger. Just have a year where you are busy with your life and your family of origin have to take a back seat. That might reset expectations but leaves you an open window to enter again if you wish.

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