Cut sister out of my life

You're making a drama out of practically nothing. Your poor parents. You would be very unreasonable to involve them in any of this. Maybe they see your sister through Rose tinted glasses as you say because they see that you also create problems.

Sounds like you are both high drama TBH. I couldn't work out from your examples what she had actually done that was so heinous?

She invited you for tea, but had been for lunch first?

She asked for dinner to be pushed back because she was tired, but you were tired too? I wasn't aware tiredness was a competition.

By all means cut down contact, but I think you are looking for reasons to be irritated.

been there with an abusive brother
my advice to to NOT involve parents at all , do not even try to get them to see your point of view or win them over or even discuss it with them in any way , utterly pointless and ultimate waste of time and potentially back fire

instead work on going low contact
reply to all her texts promptly and politely but start to reduce yours until they are as low as you can go with out being accused of rudeness

make occasional and believable excuses for not coming to whole family get togethers but always keep positive contact with rest of family

work on how you react and feel about sister aiming for genuine nonchalance in the long term , read up about the “ let them “ technique

I would just Very Low Contact this one. No drama.

Of course you can go NC for any reason. But the problem is, it never ends there. No one ever says “I’ve cut person X out of my life” and gets “Okay, fair enough; your choice” in response. If it’s someone unquestionably toxic, you could well be told “Well done! You’re well rid of them” - but if there’s any area of ambiguity, you will get lots of “Awwh no, that’s awful! Can’t you sort things out?” And this gets way more extreme if you’re talking family. I can just hear the cries of “But she’s your sister!!” now.

Of course it’s the OP’s decision. But if you think she’ll be left to make it alone, think again. Her parents will be up in arms. There will be tears, pleading; claims they are “being torn apart”. And if there are aunties and uncles, cousins, family friends etc., they will ALL chime in. “Think about what you’re doing - your poor mum!!” And if, as the OP claims, the sister is a manipulative type, this will be like manna from heaven for her. She’ll get to play the wounded angel, looking all hurt and bewildered, saying she doesn’t understand what she’s done that’s so wrong, why didn’t OP just talk to her… It plays straight into her hands.

I’m not saying no one should ever cut a family member out of their lives. Many people absolutely should. But be prepared for the pushback; the fact that it’s a major commitment. If the OP’s sister is just generally difficult, OP would be better off just quietly withdrawing from spending time with her alone; if possible, see her parents on her own more often, but keep them as a buffer if she has to see her sister. Quiet quitting, as I believe it’s known in the employment world. A big declaration of “going NC” has massive potential to backfire.

Going NC seems an overreaction to some of those things!!

Perhaps she's got conception issues and if she doesn't have a baby yet, doesn't really understand the no sleep thing? Why can't she make a request that lunch is later if she's tired, no harm in asking?

She kindly invited you over for afternoon tea but wanted some time with them on her own beforehand? I don't get the issue!!

Ok so you're on different pages and she niggles you, but to go no contact is very very extreme

Honestly we have similar with sister in law. We haven’t cut her out of our lives but we just don’t put up with her rubbish behaviour anymore. DH just tells her that she is behaving “x” way and we are not trying to fix that for her nor put up with it.

She absolutely hates us for not just putting up with her rubbish and will likely cut us off but we don’t care to be honest. It is her problem to fix.

Yes, agreed. So many Mners don’t seem able to live with minor irritations in their family or friendship circles.

You don't get along, so it makes sense for her to not message you and take your parents out separately. If she has more time, then she would be around your parents more. Hopefully that will continue as they age. I see my sister about four times a year, two are my birthday and a Christmas panto, with wider family. That's how it is with family who you haven't got a lot in common with. You seem to want to punish her for not being your best friend.

I don’t think you need to declare it. If you do, you’re just inviting her and your parents to try and change your mind. That’s easily dealt with if it’s one big terrible thing she’s done, but as she’s done a million tiny little things, no example you give for why you’ve gone nc is going to sound serious enough. Their rose tinted response is going to be that you’re over reacting and they know she can be a bit difficult sometimes but she’s never done anything really bad. You’ll be the one left feeling like you’re a terrible person.

I really think you need to play this very close to your chest and be quite subtle about it. Have a pile of excuses ready from seeing friends to baby is sick.

She just sounds a bit of a pain in the arse.

Of course as someone contributing to the meal she argued for a dinner at a time that worked for her, and you, as the host, argued successfully for the time that suited you. So what?

Why was it wrong she’d taken your parents out for lunch and then invited you for afternoon tea for Mother’s Day?

I'm another who thinks that you can go NC for whatever reason you want. Having a young family is exhausting, who has time for others' shit? That jealousy crying would have pissed me right off, too. Your sister sounds completely selfish and self-centred.

You don't need to say anything about this to your parents! That would be trying to make them choose a side, which they couldn't.

Just stay LC with the sister. Look up Grey Rock technique.

You're the only one who can decide whether her behaviour justifies NC

It's an extreme step, but may be perfectly justified (especially as you have a little one to consider now) - only you can tell

FWIW I've cut people out of my life before - abhorrent behaviour, but having DC now myself it made me even more determined to go NC so that they weren't exposed to it

If those are your best 3 examples (and if they’re not then why choose them over better examples?) then she’s a pain in the neck but worthy of and eye roll and the occasional push back on things she does or says but not cutting her off completely! Come on.

Yeah that's a consequence, all actions have consequences, staying in contact, going NC, OP needs to decide what's best for them after considering the consequence of both options.

OP could choose to talk to sister or parents, or that thought could fill them with dread, only they can decide what is their best option, regardless of what a load of strangers say on the Internet.

3 fairly trivial issues, not sure they are worth the drama.

Going NC is your choice, it will put your parents in a difficult position, and will effect that relationship as well.

You can go NC gor any reason, but don't expect others not to think you're barking mad if you do. None of the recent examples are even slightly deserving of cutting off a sibling in my opinion. Discussing what time to have Christmas dinner seems like a perfectly normal conversation to gave with someone. I cant see the issue at all with the afternoon tea one. The OP can cut off family if she wants, but she might have to prepare for none of the rest of the family understanding why and thinking that she's the unreasonable one.

It’s not about boundaries. When you normalise going NC over trivial matters, it’s verges on enabling toxic behaviour and demands, in this case the OP over minor issues. It’s not the sister who comes across as the difficult one over the issues OP raised, it’s the OP.

I disagree with most comments.

You can go NC for an reasons you want, if other trivialise them, it doesn't matter, what matters is WHAT YOU THINK.

Put in place your boundaries and go for it. See if your life is better, if it is, carry on. If it isn't, reassess.

Do you need to tell your parents anything? Why not just quietly keep your distance from your sister? You don't need to have a relationship with her independent of them. Try and find some more joyful people to spend time with (new Mum friends?) and don't give your sister too much headspace.

None of that sounds sufficient for anything beyond LC and that’s for the reported temper, not the incidents. Either the earlier stuff was forgiven and everyone moved on or it’s still affecting judgement of her.

Don’t be surprised if your parents effectively end up standing by your sister and not you. Irritatingly, It’s the dysfunction of everyday families.

Another that thinks going nc is extreme, your examples show she’s possibly high maintenance but controlling seems a bit too much of a reach. Going nc definitely impact your relationship with your parents, and end up in a tug of war

For example, last year she asked me over for a mother's day afternoon tea but didn't tell me that she was actually taking my parents out to lunch before hand

What's wrong with that?

As another poster has said, the examples you've given just seem like normal sibling trivialities and not anything I'd go no contact over