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Original poster

Sister in law using same baby name

314 replies

Funinthesun20 · 25/03/2025 00:54

My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

Im talking close naming, think Grace/Gracie, Sophia/sophie, Rose/Rosie, Isabel/Isabella, Ella/Ellie….

Now, I know no-one has a right to a name and I know I don’t, that’s not what I’m saying, and I’m not even mad, just really confused! Surly when they were looking at names, they thought that one’s just like our nieces, not that one then? Like my husbands nephew is Theo and we liked Leo, but we thought that’s too close so moved on to other names.

Mine and my family’s reaction probably should have been better. But I was in complete shock when they told her name. I wasn’t rude, but my face said it all!

But the way they (sil and brother) are now acting as if they don’t have a clue why anyone would comment/react. As a lot of people are, as in family friends, wider family, even my work colleagues. Even my daughter is a bit confused “why does the baby have almost the same name as me?”
My mum is now laughing about having to list her grandchildren and say two with practically identical names!

I don’t know the point to this post I’m just…. Venting.

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 25/03/2025 08:24

I'm sorry @Funinthesun20 I just don't know what the big deal is about this. Most families have got several names that are the same. I have 3 Davids in my family, and DH has 3 Pauls, Between us we also have 2 or more Jasons, Ryans, Helens, Liams and Traceys.

Why do people care? Confused

Netmumnet · 25/03/2025 08:23

rainbowstardrops · 25/03/2025 07:49

If they were exactly the same name I might raise an eyebrow but you've said they're similar, so it wouldn't bother me at all.
I think it's mad that you didn't use Leo because you thought it was too similar to Theo!

I didn't use Theo for my son because its too close to my brother's name, Leo

It wasn't a biggie or the end of the world thing, just realised they were similar and moved onto thinking of a different name (probs like OPs family should have done)

GoldenNuggets08 · 25/03/2025 08:20

Even my daughter is a bit confused “why does the baby have almost the same name as me?” if she said that, which I don't believe for a second, it's because she's overheard you giving out about it or her granny laughing about it!

It's not the same name. I've cousins with tge exact same name and it's not confusing and we never batted an eyelid. If they were close in age I'd raise an eyebrow but I think this is fine. Consider it a form of flattery? They obviously think you've good taste.

custardandpie · 25/03/2025 08:20

I never understood when people get sensitive over a name. in some cultures like Greek, they all have the same name as named after their grandparents. My children have distinctive, ethnic names. if people want to name their kids the same- great. I'd be honoured.

AngelinaFibres · 25/03/2025 08:20

Perhaps they just don't have much imagination. My husband is one of 5. The first 4 all have first names beginning with a P. The first and third were called Pauline and Paul. They all have the same middle name. By the time they had my husband they'd run out of ideas so they named him after his father ( first name , middle name and surname).

Doitrightnow · 25/03/2025 08:19

I think it's weird to do it, but equally I have a cousin with the same name who I have met about twice in 40/years and has no impact on my life.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 25/03/2025 08:18

Your mum is laughing? Nice.

Children of daughters really do count more than daughters of sons don’t they.

BeholdOurButterStinketh · 25/03/2025 08:15

MirandaBlu · 25/03/2025 02:58

The first sentence of the OP is My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

IMO, this situation isn't necessarily bad - the children will likely be absolutely fine - but if bro and SIL are genuinely acting like it's not odd that they named their child an almost identical name as their niece when the niece's parents bring it up, that is strange. Perhaps they are too tired/distracted to fully engage?

FWIW, I have two cousins with the same first name (dad are brothers) and rhyming diminutives as everyday names. I don't want to be coy, so it's Margaret > Daisy and Maisie. I'd say it brought them closer as children, although Maisie opted for another short form of Margaret as an adult. But it would have been super weird not to acknowledge within the family that the names were the same.

Names that are not the same but rhyme - Theo and Leo, Cara and Zara, Chloe and Zoe, Jamie and Amy - don't necessarily merit comment and may genuinely not have been noticed, but use of the same name or variant forms - Sylvia/Sylvie, Rafael/Raphael, Isobel/Isabelle, Alexander/Alexandra, etc. - really do, especially if it's not a name used in previous generations of the family (in my family's case, both girls had the same grandmother called Margaret). I'm NOT saying the new parents don't have a right to use any name they want, but it's also weird to pretend it's not going to lead to speculation and comments.

Thanks and apologies - that was my error.

CheesePlantBoxes · 25/03/2025 08:15

It might feel weird but I had my baby name picked out since I was 12.

i wouldnt have cared if someone got there first, I'd still have used it.

Maybe thats that's what's happened.

Roastiesarethebestbit · 25/03/2025 08:14

The fact that you have put ‘sister in law’ and not ‘brother’ makes me think that there is history there, which complicates matters.

BeholdOurButterStinketh · 25/03/2025 08:14

LifesQuestions · 25/03/2025 02:36

OP's post confirms its her brother and his wife

Show quote history

Thanks and apologies - that was my error.

CountryQueen · 25/03/2025 08:14

Depends on the actual name. I know brothers called Leo and Theo. Completely different names. Same for Ella and Ellie.

Bababear987 · 25/03/2025 08:13

petiteoeuf · 25/03/2025 01:51

I must be weird because I find the thought of not caring about this absolutely baffling. I’m always so confused when people say they don’t find it a big deal because it would really stress me out! There are millions of names in the world, I just do not understand why people wouldn’t choose different ones. Unless it’s a family or meaningful name to them personally. My friends all think I’m a bit precious I think, and judging from the other replies on here I’ve definitely got issues 🤣, but I still can’t get my head round the idea of using the same/similar names in these sorts of situations!

Because maybe they love that name and think it's what their baby should be called, why should they move on to another name that they dont love and doesnt feel right just because someone in the family got knocked up first

renoleno · 25/03/2025 08:10

I would be bothered by it and think it weird. But I also find it weird that people think it's normal to use a nickname to differentiate when they have a bloody name that should do the job. What's the point of a name if you then need something else to identify the person?!

I think people from large families where the family identity was more important than the individual, and kids just blended into one or numbers, won't understand how you feel. It's the same with women who can't wait to take on the name of their husband because they don't associate it with their identity - will never understand why someone might love their name (first and last) as something unique to them. I would say something so they know you think it's weird and do not let them nickname your child to differentiate from their own. Family will just have to live with getting them confused since they don't see a problem with it.

Waterweight · 25/03/2025 08:08

BeholdOurButterStinketh · 25/03/2025 01:51

I agree with you, OP, that this is a weird thing to do.

I can sort of understand more if it were the name of a grandmother whom the two girls share, but if not, it's just odd.

Just like on the other thread about horrendous and ridiculous spellings of names, an awful lot of people don't seem to actually understand what a name is for: to practically identify an individual and mark their place within the family and the wider world.

You're obviously likely to encounter people who share your name at school, in the workplace, when you make friends; you might even be called Lesley and meet, fall in love with and marry a Leslie! None of this can be reasonably avoided.

However, to do this deliberately within a family, when you know very well that other (still living) members already have the same/very similar name, is just ludicrous. Even more so if they share the same surname. We really liked a name that would have been a strong contender for our DS, except he already had an older cousin with the name, so that was instantly struck off our list.

Yes, the two cousins can become 'Big Soph' and 'Little Soph' (although that's confusing if their ages aren't that far apart and/or if the younger one ends up taller than the older one - and many children don't like being known as 'Little [name]' as they get older); but anybody who realises the purpose of names will instantly know that 'Sophie' and 'Eliza' make things so much more sensible and practical for everybody concerned, not least for the two cousins themselves.

Edited

🤐 yh "big Soph" lovely name for a girl/teen/early 20's woman - should fill her with confidence

As for the original issue no. It wouldnt bother me. Yes it's a bit strange these days though. Yes I'd avoid it myself but get others wouldnt care

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/03/2025 08:08

I have two cousins with the same name (born in 1950s). I have never even considered it was odd. People are so touchy about this sort of thing nowadays. It's not important.

RosesAndHellebores · 25/03/2025 08:05

My BF told me decades ago that she and her DH had found another name for their son when DH and I used their all time favourite and intended name for our son. We didn't know. I've never understood why she didn't use their favourite name. We wouldn't have minded in the slightest.

I think it's a non issue.

MellowCritic · 25/03/2025 07:59

user1492757084 · 25/03/2025 01:08

It's perfectly fine.
They have different surnames, hopefully.
Maybe your daughter's name was always your SIL favourite name and so rather than being exactly the same she has changed it slightly.

Exactly instead of taking it as a compliment or a nice thing its been taken as some kind of crime against humanity.

@Funinthesun20 what is the reason you're so shocked?what does this mean to you because I think you need to focus on what's important which is, there is a new baby in the family and instead of being negative about a name you could take it as a sign of an extra bond the two cousins might share with their names being so close. Honestly you're the aunt, start acting like one. And your heading is awful by the way.. putting all the weight on your sil. Typical of sisters of brothers.

rainbowstardrops · 25/03/2025 07:49

If they were exactly the same name I might raise an eyebrow but you've said they're similar, so it wouldn't bother me at all.
I think it's mad that you didn't use Leo because you thought it was too similar to Theo!

sxcizme3010 · 25/03/2025 07:47

I don't think it's the name that's the actual issue but the principal behind the choice... For anybody that hasn't had a friend or family member copying their choices and been a victim of "oneupmanship" then this seems a non issue but those of us who have had this happen - it's really weird..

My SIL got exactly the same nail design 1 week after I did, I got my hair dipped dyed copper, she got it dip dyed red.... I set up a business and she set up the exact same business 3 months later, we bought a car in the Oct, they did in Nov, We got a new front door, they got a new front door... I booked a holiday to Morocco, suddenly they were going to Morocco...

It's weird so I can understand how the name choice would upset the OP although my advice is to not dwell on it otherwise it starts to consume you and the relationship breaks down very very quickly after that.

Take care OP x

lollynip · 25/03/2025 07:46

I always find it completely weird when people do things outside the norm and don’t acknowledge it. Sometimes it’s just the acknowledgment that you need. ‘We know the name is so similar to your little Grace, but we’ve always loved the name Gracie/it’s my godmothers name/always been my girl baby name’ or whatever. Doesn’t need an apology but the glossing over it would annoy me more than the name.

Changeissmall · 25/03/2025 07:44

I have the same name as two cousins. Never given me a minute of bother.

Bloke at work has six cousins with the same name as him! (Mohammed). Same surname too. They just use nicknames.

Newtess · 25/03/2025 07:39

A fuss about nothing. Let them be happy with the name they choose for their dc. It isn't about you.

MellowPinkDeer · 25/03/2025 07:39

I’d just laugh it off. Their clearly can’t think for themselves. Let them be ridiculous.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 25/03/2025 07:37

I do think it’s weird given how many names are out there but depends a bit on what exactly the names are. Some very similar spelt names have a very different feel and lots of shortening’s. Like if yours is Isabelle known as Izzy and they are going for Isabella known as Bella its not as bad or yours is Lucy and theirs is Luca also not as bad as say Lottie and Lotte. But you should be blaming your brother and not your SIL.