Sister in law using same baby name

My brother and one of our first cousins have the same given name. There’s about 12 years between them so we had big and little. Now they’re both adults we use first name surname to differentiate when we need to.

On of my friends called her DD the same name as my DD which at the time quite upset me but now they’re both teenagers and I don’t care.

I wouldn’t do it myself but over time I think it becomes way less important and the cousins might actually grow to like it.

Saying the situation can be solved with a nickname feels mean-spirited.

It's not really a "situation". In reality, you're not going to mix up which child you're talking about within the family because context will make it obvious.

They'll likely go to different schools or be in different classes in different years and it'll make zero impact on their lives to have similar names to each other.

It's a manufactured problem.

Meh, I think this preciousness about names is relatively new and silly.

There were several cousins in my family a generation ago all called the same name, they used variants of it day to day. It wasn't confusing or difficult.

Because women are responsible for all crimes within the domestic sphere obviously.

It’s fine

lots of relatives have similar names or the same name! Not a big deal…

what’s in a name?

I wouldn’t care if I had a cousin with the same name as me, but “Big Soph” would be a horrible nickname for anyone.

Your DD is already 7. They’re not going to be in the same class, have the same friendship group, or hang out together. Presumably millions of girls have the same or similar name.

Why do you say your sister in law is using the same baby name?

Surely it's your brother who is more relevant?

I suspect opinion on this may come down to how people feel about nicknames. I hate them with a passion that burns deep within my soul. That people constantly try to turn my name into a nickname is a source of frustration that never ends.

Saying the situation can be solved with a nickname feels mean-spirited. (Though I know people don’t intend it that way)

People can’t call dibs on a name, but if a name is already in use by a generation in a family, no one else should use it.

i suppose it depends on how close. Theo and Leo are a bit matching, but not really variations of the same name. Sophie and Sophia are so close that a person named one often gets called the other colloquially so I would consider that giving their baby the same name.

It’s quite inconsiderate to the holder of the name to give the cousin what is essentially the same name. She will now have to deal with the overlap at every family event and people constantly clarifying which person they mean in conversation.

She may even have an unwanted nickname pushed towards her. If she isn’t happy about that, help her push back.

My cousin has the same first name as me. We were a little confused at first when she was born 10 years after me but it's been a non-issue.

I assume your response to your daughter was "because it's a beautiful name and uncle X and auntie Y love it as much as daddy and I loved your name when we picked it out for you"? At 7 I'm sure she's had children in her year at school who have the same or similar names that you can point to.

Maybe it's because I come from a large family in a region of the US where family names are incredibly common and so having multiple living family members sharing names (including sometimes the same full name) is routine, but I don't understand the upset when people post about this. The family will figure out a nickname for one or both and they presumably don't share a middle or last name... it's a non issue IMO.

My dad shares his father's name, 2 of my cousins have that name, and 3 of their children have it - 2 of which go to school together in the same year. I helpfully went and married a man with the same first name which, surprise surprise, he also shares with his own father. It's never an issue and our family doesn't need each person to have a unique name for us to know and love them as a unique person. Several of my cousins or cousins' children have similar sounding first names to each other as well, so I suspect we just don't think of this is a reason not to use a name we love. I know people who have had names picked out for future children since they themselves were children and they don't want to abandon it because their sibling married someone who also loves that name.

I can see both sides - seems really odd to be acting oblivious to it! I’d also probably be a little bit put out by it given there are thousands of names to choose from.

however that being said, most of my family and friends have gone on to have children and we are struggling with infertility - nearly every name I’ve ever liked has been used by someone close to me! It can be difficult to avoid all names that other people you know have too. My cousin picked a version of my grandads name that I had always wanted which was disappointing but no one owns a name.

I do think however that picking the same or very similar name in this case given it’s your brother is abit silly - I wouldn’t have done it - at the very least they could have acknowledged it with you but they clearly don’t think they need to or that it’s a big deal!

nothing you can do unfortunately, you’ll have to come up with some nicknames!!!

I disagree with the majority, I think it's quite a strange thing to do. There are so many names in the world, why choose that one? But then I also don't really get being so attached to a single name that you can't look beyond it.

The first sentence of the OP is My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

IMO, this situation isn't necessarily bad - the children will likely be absolutely fine - but if bro and SIL are genuinely acting like it's not odd that they named their child an almost identical name as their niece when the niece's parents bring it up, that is strange. Perhaps they are too tired/distracted to fully engage?

FWIW, I have two cousins with the same first name (dad are brothers) and rhyming diminutives as everyday names. I don't want to be coy, so it's Margaret > Daisy and Maisie. I'd say it brought them closer as children, although Maisie opted for another short form of Margaret as an adult. But it would have been super weird not to acknowledge within the family that the names were the same.

Names that are not the same but rhyme - Theo and Leo, Cara and Zara, Chloe and Zoe, Jamie and Amy - don't necessarily merit comment and may genuinely not have been noticed, but use of the same name or variant forms - Sylvia/Sylvie, Rafael/Raphael, Isobel/Isabelle, Alexander/Alexandra, etc. - really do, especially if it's not a name used in previous generations of the family (in my family's case, both girls had the same grandmother called Margaret). I'm NOT saying the new parents don't have a right to use any name they want, but it's also weird to pretend it's not going to lead to speculation and comments.

Why are you blaming SIL?

OP's post confirms its her brother and his wife

The SIL could just as easily be OP's DH's sister.

I’ll be totally honest, and admit this would utterly brass me off. I could have course be a bigger person and take it as some kind of flattery, (probably a bit big headed). But I’d more likely be thinking, of the literally thousand upon thousands of names out there why pick one so close to one we’ve chosen? To my way of thinking…who does that 🤷🏻‍♀️

But that’s just me. I commiserate with you. Yes I know you don't own’ a name, but 2 cousins with practically identical names??

Yeah it's awkward because of the close relation but what can you do, nothing. I wouldn't address it or hold a grudge about it either, it's just not worth it. But I do get it, it strange they did that.

Just want to add that it also depends on what you consider "nearly the same name." For ex you said Theo and Leo are alike enough to not use one of them if a nephew has the other of them. But I think they're completely different and wouldn't hesitate.

Why does your thread title say SIL? And not your brother?

It is an odd choice, though.

I didn't vote either reasonable or not reasonable because I'm not exactly what your position about it actually is. Nor are we (understandably but still) able to know what names we're actually talking about. But it seems like you're mainly just surprised and trying to make sense out of it.

I wouldn't overthink it. I think they probably just really liked the name and don't consider it the same name because it's not. It's close to your daughter's name, but that's not the same as it actually being the same name.

I doubt the larger family etcetera is all that interested, either. Sure, they might make a comment but then they'll likely just move on. Probably nobody is as interested in it as you are, to be honest. Now if your SIL starts copying a number of things you do, that might get worrisome but them happening to pick a name that's similar to, but not the same as, the one you picked is most likely just a coincidence.

To look at it from a different perspective, consider if your number one name choice was Kaylee, Shannon or Carrie. Say you really really loved that name and that's the one you wanted for your child. It might or might not cross your mind that your brother/sister and their spouse had a school-aged child named Kayla, Shanna or Kara. If you did even think about how close the two names are, you'd probably say so to your partner. Then you'd both shrug and say, "Well, they aren't the same name and these kids are seven years apart, after all, and that's the name we like best, so that's it."

I think it's okay and best to just move on from it, unless, as stated above, they start copy-catting you to on multiple things, to a point where it seems creepy.

I agree with you, OP, that this is a weird thing to do.

I can sort of understand more if it were the name of a grandmother whom the two girls share, but if not, it's just odd.

Just like on the other thread about horrendous and ridiculous spellings of names, an awful lot of people don't seem to actually understand what a name is for: to practically identify an individual and mark their place within the family and the wider world.

You're obviously likely to encounter people who share your name at school, in the workplace, when you make friends; you might even be called Lesley and meet, fall in love with and marry a Leslie! None of this can be reasonably avoided.

However, to do this deliberately within a family, when you know very well that other (still living) members already have the same/very similar name, is just ludicrous. Even more so if they share the same surname. We really liked a name that would have been a strong contender for our DS, except he already had an older cousin with the name, so that was instantly struck off our list.

Yes, the two cousins can become 'Big Soph' and 'Little Soph' (although that's confusing if their ages aren't that far apart and/or if the younger one ends up taller than the older one - and many children don't like being known as 'Little [name]' as they get older); but anybody who realises the purpose of names will instantly know that 'Sophie' and 'Eliza' make things so much more sensible and practical for everybody concerned, not least for the two cousins themselves.