Breastfeeding, AIBU to think I just can't do it

Another vote here for a private lactation consultant. The NHS won’t do anything if it’s only minor, but it could make a world of difference to have it corrected. The lactation consultant will also be able to advise about your feeding position, latch etc.

To echo a pp
fussy might be air because of poor latch. Mine was definitely more gassy with shields, it’s one of the reasons I eventually weaned off.
also if you have too much milk it can cause a fast let down or even just change the shape so it’s hard for them to latch. There could be so many things happening here, and it’s all so scary and if you’re anything like me you just want to breastfeed and be sure your baby is getting enough and you have family and friends in your ear saying don’t worry you can just formula feed, which is supposed to be helpful, but actually often isn’t. It’s so hard in those early days op and it feels like youll never get out, I really couldn’t see a way forward and it took up every second of every day. But the other day I found my shields and pump in the back of a cupboard and I’d almost forgotten that was ever something I was dealing with, and I’m only a few months on.
If you can spend a few days in bed or on the sofa worrying about nothing but feeding it may really help.

FWIW I had a very similar set of problems to you, screaming at the breast getting frustrated, pumping all hours, painful latch etc. LO had his (supposedly mild) tongue tie cut at 6 weeks old and within 2 weeks I was EBF. 6 months on and it's so much better.
Definitely see if you can get a tongue tie sorted, try for another couple of weeks and then if not, don't torture yourself. Your child has had breastmilk for his life so far and that will have made a huge difference. An unhappy mum and hungry baby is not worth it. You could always still pump once or twice a day to go with the formula if need be then he still gets some of the benefits of breastmilk.

You're doing an amazing job and clearly are a very strong mum to have kept going through all of this so far. Postpartum is tricky enough without adding in all the breastfeeding issues.

Good luck :)

Ditto to nipple shields ……
I wouldn’t have continued if I hadn’t used them !
Only advice I can give is really make sure his mouth is open wide (you probably do already )
Tongue tie fix is quick and relatively pain free I believe - this will help I’d imagine as the latch can’t be great for either of you .
Don’t forget that they do go through growth spurts too (I remember one of mine seemed to be on the boob for hours sometimes ) and as you can’t see how much they are getting this can cause uncertainty about if they’re getting enough too !
All the best and as PP stated fed is best and happy mum is happy baby x

I used shields for months with my lg then at 6 months she just whipped them off herself and we never looked back! I don’t think shields matter if they work for you but yes try to reduce pumping back down gradually. Mine didn’t have tongue tie though every one kept suggesting it and then realised it was mega long 😂You’re doing great!

Just a thought. You say your engorged and can express - so it’s not a supply problem.

The only confirmed issue seems to be that baby is restless after feeding on the breast.

That does to me sound like a latching problem. But not necessarily that he’s feeding inefficiently. He may just be drinking a lot of air.

They can’t really tell the difference between hunger and tummy pain. They just kick off, making feeding cues and cry. But you will start to tell the difference in the cry if you focus on it. And kicking/ scrunching of the legs is a give away.

If you are sure they are fed on both breasts then this is when infacol, a dummy, and effective winding really comes into its own. Winding is an art form really! I just can’t do it properly and I’m on child 2 after ebf first for a year. DP is a master at it.

You could try to cut the express bottles tapered, ride through the restlessness and keep a close eye on weight, counting nappies and checking the freaky brain bit.

If it is wind it gets better as babe grows and the organs get bigger and better functioning.

This !! As long as baby is fed and you are ok ,then you are doing what is best for you and the baby.

Do what you need to do to keep you and baby healthy and sane.

I mixed fed due to incredibly sore nipples so they could recover. Apparently, according to HV, this would make kiddo stop breastfeeding. I suppose she was right but had to wait 2.5 years to find out!

This was me with my first DC. I was on my knees with anxiety about it and the baby never seemed happy. Also losing weight in the first few weeks. And I was broken through lack of sleep because she woke hungry all night. Saw the GP, the midwife, the health visitor, went to breastfeeding drop-in places multiple times, had her tongue tie cut (that helped slightly but not much), took some revolting herbal tablets which made me smell weird but supposedly increased milk production… I persevered, topping up with formula but it was utterly miserable until she started weaning and needing less milk. I wish now I’d just given up and given her bottles, it would have been so much better for my mental health.

Then had DC2 - and he breastfed with no problems whatsoever. It was easy. I still don’t know what the issue was with DC1 but she just didn’t get on with it.

Do what’s best for your sanity. You won’t get these early months back so make them as happy and stress-free as you can x

Same experience here.

OP get the tongue tie sorted. You won’t regret it. Both my boys had to have it sorted. Immediately relief for both mum and baby.

Absolutely this! Have you tried the different holds? Rugby, cross body, lying down …..It also helps with moving the baby around the breast so if you are sore then you can try a new hold.

A lactation expert could help or can your HV recommend someone or is there a drop in clinic at the hospital?

It’s brilliant you are breastfeeding and want advice - maybe try some of these first?

Gosh. Please don’t stress. Baby will be fine however fed

Get the tongue tie cut and you’ll notice the difference x

Keep trying without the shields. I know of babies latching without shields at 3 months etc. Reduce the top ups and see how he gets on. Private lactation consultant to help. Get along to local bf group (are you in Scotland?). Good luck.
Join some bf support pages on Facebook if you have it

You’re doing really well OP. Go easy on yourself. I went through absolute hell breastfeeding DD, I was exhausted and miserable and breast obsessed. I was stubborn and persevered and fed successfully - but in hindsight I should have just relaxed and given up, those months would have been much more pleasant and now I’ll never get them back.

Do whatever you have to do that makes you happy. What your baby consumes in the first months is but a tiny minuscule amount compared to the 90 years they live for. It’s way more important that you’re relaxed and happy. Your baby will be fine as long as she’s fed.

Good luck!

1. The 'flipple' technique or 'exaggerated latch' really helped me to get a deeper latch - my son also would just bob his head around without opening his mouth much at all. This video demonstrates it well:
2. As others have said, it could be worth seeing a specialised tongue tie practitioner.
3. If you see a lactation consultant, find an IBCLC certified one as they have the highest level of qualification and most up to date training. We paid for two at home visits from and IBCLC and it saved me when I was ready to give up - best money we've ever spent. Lucy Webber IBCLC has a brilliant Instagram account with free advice. She also does video appointments (I personally found it very difficult to leave the house still at week 7).

Wishing you all the best. I couldn't believe how hard physically and mentally the early weeks of breastfeeding were but it got so much better. You sound pretty determined and with the correct skilled help there is usually a solution for everything. You've got this xxx

You are doing BRILL! And only 7 days in too. Hour milk will only have started coming in around day 3 or 4 so just relax it will work for you and you will be so so glad your persevered. Keep going with the nipple shields for the time being you will be able to get off then but no rush! If you have a lactation support group near you join that and go along. I know it seems like a nightmare and you are worrying but your experience is totally normal and it's very very early days for you. Keep at it 🩷

It sounds so hard. I struggled every feed from getting a latch to the hold. And just when I thought can tuck the boob away the baby was hungry all over again. I preserved for 8 months. I don’t think there is anything wrong with finding it hard - it still remains as one of the hardest things I ever tried. I never enjoyed it like some flowery natural mother experience.

I got help from a nurse a few times at the start. I also looked up resource after resource and got DH to help me with it. We got there in the end. All the best, you got this 💐

"Assessed as having mild tongue tie but probably not enough to cause issues with draining the breast but still a possibility. I'm unsure about making him go through a procedure if there's no guarantee it will work"

We had this issue op and I persevered because I was so worried about putting ds under an unnecessary procedure until his weight loss got so bad it was unmanageable. The infant feeding coordinator at the hospital had said it wasn't worth doing which really put me off getting it cut before then.

When his weight started to suddenly drop (and at the point i was nursing every 30 minutes at 4 months old) I got it cut privately and it resolved our issues almost immediately. The entire thing was 5 minutes from door to door, ds was so distracted by the dentist who did it that he didn't so much as wince and fed straight after. I felt really guilty that I had put it off for so long but it was because I didn't realise how easy a job it was. If its causing so much grief I would just get it cut at the very least to rule it out. Its really hard op, but in this instance do what is right for you. You are amazing.

It's probably the tongue tie causing problems. All mine had it, my 4th child is 2 weeks old and has it. The procedure cured my older kids and breastfeeding was fine afterwards

I really struggled with my first dc. Main issues were not latching properly and baby usually just stopping too soon or baby falling asleep while nursing. I breast fed a few times a day regardless, but it was so unsatisfying. I only felt anxiety over it. I bottle fed formula 90% as pumping yielded little. I pumped every 2-3 hours regardless. Did all of this for 11 months. Switched baby to 100% formula for a couple months then whole milk.
It is like night and day with my 2nd dc. Good latching and breast fed 90% of the time, no pumping, formula given when I was doing errands etc and leave baby at home. I still couldn't get much yield when pumping, so I didn't.
Looking back, I wonder if I had just stuck with putting my first baby to breast every time if it would've been different. Would it have worked out? Part of me feels baby was cheated.
What I can say is that no matter what, you have to do the best you can at the time how ever you can.
Do what you need to in order to survive the days.
There is no right or wrong. Yes, breast milk is ideal, but, feeding your child and loving your child, being present emotionally for your child count, too. You can always comfort nurse if you're open to it, and both of you will benefit from it.

I used nipple shields for ages. Then had the minor tongue tie snipped (a short cry, then she was fine less than a minute later) meant I could slowly wean off the shields. I think it's worth trying the tongue tie snip personally.

Do you have any breastfeeding support groups local to you? You need some real, in person support if you want to continue breastfeeding. It’s so tough isn’t it! But also, like others have said, whatever you need to do for you is the best thing for the baby.