To be shocked that the resident parent has to foot the nursery bill?

We are abroad and ex has to pay for 50% of the nursery costs. Child maintenance is also higher (he's currently trying to contest it) and gets rigorously enforced.
After all, if I didn't work, he'd have to pay me spousal maintenance...

Well no. Because they could organise childcare for their time that isn’t nursery. Or choose no nursery at all.

nursery isn’t legal requirement for children it is a learning childcare setting.

I’m in Canada now - there’s both maintenance and then something called Section 7 expenses. Childcare is an S7 expense and those are shared pro rata between parents regardless of custody so long as one of the parents needs it to work. So if dad makes £40k and mum makes £20k and the childcare bill is £900 a month, dad is paying £600 and mum £300. This is even before child maintenance is factored in.

We also have child maintenance due on 50/50 care if there’s a difference between incomes. That one I don’t agree with, but the childcare makes sense to me.

And presumably he had to pay maintenance?

Exactly. Why should the rest of us pay and pay and pay to compensate for others’ poor choices and judgement??

It’s so fucking tiresome.

Who else would pay for it? Well, the non-resident parent could pay half! Just because they're not living with their children, it doesn't mean they don't have to contribute towards their children's care. If the mother didn't go out to work then the children would be even worse off.

OP, I completely agree with you. My XH's child support was equal to half the nursery fees. That meant he paid his half of that and I paid for absolutely everything else the children needed - a home, food, bills, clothes etc.

In the case of my absentee ex he pushed off and certainly never provided any accommodation for his kids ever again. Not all NRPs see their kids - their choice. So a completely absent NRP has no childcare costs of his own. He does however have children!

Then society judges single mothers who literallt can't afford to work . Where I live you can make a special application to have child care costs shared by the nrp. I don't know though how often this is granted.

The resident parent books childcare for days they have DC. Anything non resident parent wants they book separately and they pay for.

As a single parent there is a very high threshold to not qualify for any UC.
If the dad is also a high earner then the CM will reflect that. If the dad isn't also a high earner then why would you expect him to pay the childcare whilst a much lower earner than the RP but still having to pay for accommodation for the children, life costs etc on a lower income.

What do you classify as enough? What would be the cut off wage where the dad has to pay instead of receiving the childcare element of UC?

Why should the state (or rather the taxpayer) pay? These kids have fathers. If they are earning enough to contribute to childcare they should be made to pay. The kids are their responsibility.

I’d say it is an issue for all of society. Why should the taxpayer have to subsidise childcare for a mother to work when an absentee father has the income to pay for that childcare? No doubt he would pay towards it if the parents were still together.

So the knee-jerk solution is always that the parent left doing everything must be on a low enough wage to get UC, subsidised childcare etc?! Some women have well-paying jobs until the point of a split and want to hold onto them - that means childcare! The child does have two parents so why shouldn’t the absent one contribute? In fact the child will do better if they have a mother (98% of the time the mother) in a well-paying job.

Childcare doesn’t just mean nursery. For most of us it goes on for many years more -
before and after school clubs, holiday clubs, au pairs or nannies. Often all of these needed at some stage if you want to provide a comfortable existence.

It doesn't surprise me, €50 euro per week is lucky for many single mothers, many get less.

America has the right idea chasing down non paying fathers, fines, prison, driving licence removal.

Low income workers can claim childcare benefits at least.

Courts exist, if fathers want 50/50, they can get it in most cases

As others have said the only way around it is a 50:50 “time with” split leaving both parents responsible for childcare when the children are in their care which most mothers on MN don’t seem to want. As someone who has worked extensively in family law I don’t agree with England’s “resident parent” system as I feel it sets up a significant/less significant parent dynamic BUT the only way 50:50 has any chance of meeting the needs of the children is if both parents are amicable, live relatively close to each other and work hard to ensure they co-parent well which often doesn’t happen. I have seen both mums and dads behave appallingly but men often do use money as power. I would love to have the answer, I quit in the end as it got too depressing.

That’s an issue between you and your erstwhile partner, no?
It’s not the fault of society in general or “this country” in particular.

Agree it’s shocking and outrageous in 2025.
ill believe a government wants equality when they reform completely the CMS and make absent parents forcibly pay maintenance and half of childcare costs before school age. They should be paying it whoever looks after their child!!! Parent, grandparent, nursery or childminder. A set universal amount should be paid by the non resident parent and then it topped up by the state so the resident parent is not shouldering all the costs.

UC subsidises some childcare costs but you could still have a system that has the NRP pay 50% of the balance.

You could also have a system where the government pays the NRP’s share and the NRP pays the government back. It might make people think harder about whether or not to have more kids with the new partners. (That’s men and women )

Both parents are entitled to access to the workplace and therefore both parents should pay for childcare if they work.

So many men who earn a good wage and refuse to support their own dc, they're a disgrace. Amazing how a student loan repayment can so easily be attached to tax. It’s time that benefits given to single parents were attached to the absent parents tax bill in a similar manner.
18 to 21 year olds can’t have free education but parents can create dgc and then clear off and leave the state to raise them.
It’s always bloody men too.

To simplify for you then, what is your alternative suggestion?

And higher paid parents don’t get any UC subsidy. Explain to me again why the resident parent should pay the entirety of the childcare that enables BOTH parents to work? Maybe they should just drop their kid off at the NRP’s doorstep every morning instead?

And @UndermyShoeJoe you are so unbelievably deluded if you think most non resident parents have relatives happy to do full time childcare or cheap nurseries around the corner (you know that a) cheap nurseries don’t exist and b) it’s a nightmare trying to actually get any nursery place at all right?!) The argument that the RP parent should pay because they are being precious about selecting “the best” expensive nursery and wouldn’t be happy with their ex’s options is just so so laughable. I would bloody love my ex to come up with a cheap childcare option for us, let alone actually pay for half of it! The system is an utter joke.

Now you are just being dense for the sake of it. Childcare facilities have spots for children. Not ones that are used half the time.

But, I can imagine derelict, worthless, immature fathers wanting cheap childcare so they have more money to spend on booze, strip clubs, holidays with the boys and football. Boys need their toys and all that. Amirite?

But their is nothing stopping women doing such. If men can just bugger off then women can do the same. Most of them choose not to. Whether it's because it's what they want or whether they are scared of being vilified by society they still make that choice

And I've been a single parent the majority of my life When I had the 3rd child ( different dad than my eldest 2) I made it perfectly clear that id only continue with the pregnancy if he did the majority of child staff and if we split up HE was the one who would be having the child the majority of the time