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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sick of people having a go at me for not helping with mothers care ?

36 replies

Inaglassbowl · 24/03/2025 15:46

My mother was abusive to me , I’m NC and have been for years.

On the past few months I’ve had my siblings constantly asking me to help with her care. They are ‘burnt out’ and as I live nearest I should be helping apparently. Multiple other reasons why they think I should.

Bumped into a family friend and a neighbour of my mothers recently and they both asked why am I not helping that my siblings have voiced to anyone who will listen that they need my help and I’m refusing.

Ive made it very clear not to ask me anymore, that I won’t be changing my mind. I don’t care. I don’t want any part of it. They keep asking, begging. I’ve made my reasons clear as well? AIBU to think they need to back off ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Inaglassbowl · 24/03/2025 16:01

She’s really really hard work and I know they will be feeling immense pressure, apparently she said she will refuse carers that aren’t her children but I’ve told them they need to tell her there’s no choice .

OP posts:
Original poster
Inaglassbowl · 24/03/2025 15:59

What is upsetting me is that it’s coming between me and my siblings. It’s like the last thing she’s going to ruin and it’s making me angry .

OP posts:
PeachPumpkin · 24/03/2025 15:59

You’re not unreasonable at all. I’m glad you’ve posted on here, because it’ll do you good to hear people saying that you’re not unreasonable. You won’t be able to change the minds of those who think you should be doing something. You just have to ignore them.

McGregor33 · 24/03/2025 15:58

Inaglassbowl · 24/03/2025 15:53

I have said this. Nobody (except my siblings) believe it as she comes across as ‘nice’ but even my siblings keep telling me I need to put it aside and help and if I can’t do it for her do it for them . I just can’t.

Show quote history

You could try saying I won’t be able to give her the level of care she needs due to feelings towards her? It’s in everyone’s best interests that I don’t force myself to care for my abuser.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 24/03/2025 15:56

There's no reason you should.
The fact she needs help now doesn't erase what she did.
You could say to your sisters that you don't care what she needs now and if they mention her again, and dont stop bitching about you to other people then you will have to stop all contact with them too.

McGregor33 · 24/03/2025 15:56

I dread the day it comes to this with my mum as no doubt I’ll be vilified as well. I take the same stance as you, why would I help someone who had been detrimental to me all of my days? She’s never done anything to help me in my times of struggle, if anything made them worse. I won’t even start on her abusive side the woman’s vile.

I think saying something along the lines of ‘I have not been in contact with her for a long time due to personal reasons and I’m giving her the same care she gave me’ might help. Or you could tell the neighbours if they’re so concerned they can step up as you won’t be.

Original poster
Inaglassbowl · 24/03/2025 15:53

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 24/03/2025 15:52

Would you feel able to say I'm no contact for a reason. I owe the woman who abused me nothing

I have said this. Nobody (except my siblings) believe it as she comes across as ‘nice’ but even my siblings keep telling me I need to put it aside and help and if I can’t do it for her do it for them . I just can’t.

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 24/03/2025 15:52

Would you feel able to say I'm no contact for a reason. I owe the woman who abused me nothing

Original poster
Inaglassbowl · 24/03/2025 15:50

It annoys me as she already took so much and now she’s ruining my relationships with others .

OP posts:
Original poster
Inaglassbowl · 24/03/2025 15:49

steff13 · 24/03/2025 15:48

You can't make them back off. You can accept that they won't, or you can go low/no contact with them.

Probably will have to do that. Ive made it really clear and they keep asking. I know they are burnt out but they need to arrange professional care.

OP posts:
steff13 · 24/03/2025 15:48

You can't make them back off. You can accept that they won't, or you can go low/no contact with them.

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