Gluttony or Addiction

Melissa is a total bitch, lacking in empathy and possibly a bit thick.

It’s very easy to see it as Melissa did, though it takes little effort to keep them as inside thoughts. I have friends who are overweight and really do want to slim down/become healthier. I’ve seen the same friends put heart and souls into healthy dinners and plate themselves a portion for about 3 people, or just unable to give up sugar/crisps despite how much they want to lose weight. It’s bloody hard when the things you crave are usually so accessible (and usually cheap to buy in multipacks).

And this isn’t me being patronising. I have issues with eating myself. I’ve been the person who eats until they feel sick, I’m also the person who will reach a stopping point by going completely in the other direction and spend weeks not eating much for days on end. It’s a form of self punishment for some in all honesty, either making themselves feel sick or feel hunger pain as a form of control. It may not be for your friend but ultimately you and Melissa don’t know that. This may be the final kick up the bum, that Melissa will become ‘the shit reason’ that your friend loses a huge amount of weight. Or she may spiral further in self sabotage. Either way, Melissa evidently doesn’t care so do with that/your friendship as you will.

I may be slightly on a different thought pattern here... Does Melissa have an eating disorder? Only what she said rings true with how I used to think when anorexic. Yes cruel, but that thinking kept you not eating and thin. She may be struggling as well

Iv found the weight loss injections are very polarising in different people views.

Melissa is foaming that Jenny is getting help to lose weight. She thinks it’s unfair and ‘cheating’. She wants Jenny to remain fat. She can’t say this so verbally attacks her for being greedy, reassuring herself that not being overweight without using medication is morally superior.

That is such an arrogant over-simplistic attitude to a very complex situation.

Maybe. But sometimes it takes someone else to say it for someone to take action.

Wow Melissa is a judgey cunt, isn't she.
I'd find people's venom when talking about gluttonous, lazy fatties slightly more fascinating if I wasn't obese myself, but jeez the vitriol with which some people speak about other women's bodies and food choices is extraordinary.
OP, let Jenny know you've got her back. If you don't think it would be over stepping, perhaps you could let her know that that kind of eating is something Mounjaro is super helpful with. My issue was never unhealthy or overly large meals but was the amount of sugary snacks I was eating. I've pretty much lost interest since starting the jabs. With the yum yums as an eg I could have polished a couple of without thinking, whereas now I'd occasionally have one of the little ones but don't feel that burning need for it and would be very happy with just the small treat.
If she's a MN user the WLI boards are full of supportive people who get it and who would support her in a way Melissa has chosen not to.

And yes, guessing it's an addiction rather than gluttony as most people wouldn't physically be able to eat that much. Perhaps Melissa should've pointed her in the way of overeaters anonymous or some form of therapy that would help her regulate her calorie intake to a sensible level.

Jenny was correct but she probably should've kept quiet to save the other woman's feelings.
Overeaters already know their issue.

I just wonder if people understand what it’s like to feel hungry ALL THE TIME.

It’s exhausting. It’s depressing.

I had no idea what it was like to not be hungry pretty much constantly. That feeling that you’d always be able to eat a meal. Always.

Imagine fighting that feeling every day all day.

I bet you any money that if Jenny got Mounjaro, lost loads of weight and managed to keep it off, Melissa would have an issue with that too.

I hope Jenny does do that in the end as it does sound she needs help with it. It's worked so well for many people already.

Melissa is a nasty cunt because irrespective of whether she's right or not (though she isn't), the need to be right should never be more important than treating your friend with empathy.

Irrespective of if Melissa was right about what she said, the delivery was really poor and your other friend most probably feels terrible.

But what word would you be having? What people who haven't struggled in this area or listened to those who have don't realise is that their bodies are responding to hunger signals differently.

Your SIL wasn't saying "I don't eat much, I think it's my self diagnosed thyroid issues, I gain weight while only eating 600 cals a day. My problem is I'm not eating enough!"

I appreciate that stuff is annoying and I've had to listen to it myself while the person hoovers up three days worth of food as they are speaking.

If she's talking about weightloss jabs she means she wants help with reducing the desire to eat too much. You are not just demonstrating better willpower. She is literally feeling hunger that you aren't.

Nobody would eat until they felt sick unless they had a problem. Shame on Melissa for making her feel worse. Let's hope she never struggles with anything.

@Gloriiaglad you agree it was cruel. Pointing out it was cruel and unhelpful is not the same as suggesting that people with problem behaviours should be enabled. It’s not one or the other.

Sometimes alcoholics need the full unvarnished truth too. No need for any cruelness but far too much enabling goes on.

Sometimes the truth hurts. I wouldn't have been so tactless but I'd have thought it.

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd would you “having a word” with an alcoholic involve telling them they were disgusting and similar things to the “piggery” and “gluttony” comments, in front of others in such an aggressive way? Do you think that would help an alcoholic?

We are not as kind to those with other forms of addiction.

People wouldn't ignore someone saying 'i drink a bottle of vodka' and then go to bed.

They hopefully would say it with a bit more tact but it's really not healthy behaviour.

Jenny is upset with herself as well as her friends.

It wasn't something she had to say. If you put it out there then I don't know how people are supposed to react. Perhaps on some level she was hoping someone would say 'oh we all do that's and to normalise it.

I can sort of see why Melissa refused to go along with this. She could have presented it more gently but it wouldn't hit such a nerve if Jenny didn't feel her own shame about this (I don't really think others can shame us unless we already have our own internal monologue telling us this).

I think everyone was a bit in the wrong and that it's a shame to lose friends over it.

I'm with Melissa.
I sat through brunch with my SIL the other week while she banged on about loosing weight but not being fat enough for NHS funded weightless jabs. She ate an insane plate of food with extra sides, deserts, multiple hot chocolates and lattes, then took a bag of cake home!
If that was alcohol you would have a word. If someone drank excessively while saying they wanted to stop then took a couple bottles home to consume on their own... you would have a word.

sugar/food addiction is a real thing I have struggled with weight and food issues for years and have also been on the receiving end of ignorant comments. poor Jenny was treated terribly by Melissa, with friends like that who needs enemies..blimey ! if I were you op I would get in touch privately with Jenny and let her know that you don't share Melissa's ignorant views. I would be seriously re thinking my friendship with Melissa as well tbh as far as I can see the only one who has behaved disgustingly here is her