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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that people who say “they don’t need anyone” are just emotionally available and scared of commitment?

59 replies

MyEagerPombear · 24/03/2025 13:25

It’s not independence, it’s avoidance. If you truly didn’t need anyone, you wouldn’t keep complaining about being lonely.

TITLE meant to say emotionally UNAVAILABLE

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 24/03/2025 13:41

Life's just not that black and white, there are all sorts of reasons people don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, some of those reasons will be fear driven, but some of those will be because they genuinely don't need that. We're not all the same.

Astrak · 24/03/2025 13:41

I live alone, in a remote rural location. I am a widow. I have my beloved cat and horse for company, read large numbers of library books and am perfectly happy.

Cabbagefamily · 24/03/2025 13:40

No, not at all. A healthy person shouldn’t “need” anyone. Wanting, though, is different.

Octavia64 · 24/03/2025 13:39

Yeah I don’t think so.

i had a 22 year marriage. I know what commitment means and I’m not scared of it.

i also don’t need anyone at this stage of my life.

if someone amazing came along maybe I’d make a commitment but I’m financially independent, my kids are grown up and I have friends and cats to share my life with.

natura · 24/03/2025 13:39

What do you mean by JUST emotionally unavailable and scared of commitment?

People who have avoidant tendencies and are hyper-independent usually got there by being let down, over and over again, by the people who were meant to love them most.

There's no 'just' about it.

CaramelVanilla · 24/03/2025 13:37

No

RhaenysRocks · 24/03/2025 13:37

If someone is complaining of being lonely but also saying they don't need anyone then yes they are contradictory, but if someone asserts they are perfectly happy single and doesn't complain of loneliness then I think we should do them the courtesy of believing them.

pinkyredrose · 24/03/2025 13:36

Don't judge others by your own standards.

ForFunGoose · 24/03/2025 13:35

Maybe it’s difficult for them to get the nuances of relationships.Some people are not worth the hassle and others are. Good relationships are not hard work.

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