Page 2 | Not to drink on my Hen dos?

butterfly172 · 2025-03-24T09:59:09+00:00

I completed Dry January and since then I’ve drank a handful of times, however I’m a binge drinker and don’t have just one or two drinks! The hangovers are awful and I suffer terrible anxiety and I’m thinking of dropping alcohol as I’ve been sober curious for a while. However, I’m getting married in May and I’ve got 2 Hen do’s planned…is it unreasonable for me not to drink alcohol at these events and even my wedding?? One of the Hen dos is one week before my wedding and the depression/anxiety left to me by a hangover can last a week!

Exasperated24 · 24/03/2025 11:01

What the hell is sober curious??

Samsonshairdresser · 24/03/2025 10:59

It’s best to say something (I like the “keeping fresh for the big day” line), because otherwise everyone will assume you’re pregnant! You could just tell the truth - you’re cutting back on alcohol.

DelectableMe · 24/03/2025 10:58

butterfly172 · 24/03/2025 10:57

I'm thinking of messaging my Hens on the Whatsapp group with a "heads up" but I don't know what to say..?

You don't need to justify this. They don't need a heads up about your personal choices. Just be confident in your own decision.

Original poster

butterfly172 · 24/03/2025 10:57

I'm thinking of messaging my Hens on the Whatsapp group with a "heads up" but I don't know what to say..?

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DelectableMe · 24/03/2025 10:54

You won't miss out. You can still have a great time.

Mischance · 24/03/2025 10:54

I can't think why you are even asking!

You have acknowledged that binge drinking was problematical for you and taken the entirely reasonable step not to drink. I can't see why a hen do is any different from any other occasion. You are not there to get drunk, but to celebrate with your friends.

Original poster

butterfly172 · 24/03/2025 10:54

LurkyMcLurkinson · 24/03/2025 10:40

It’s absolutely fine. I was also a binge drinker and haven’t drank for 3 years now as the hangovers and hangxiety stopped being worth it. I’ve done hen dos, nights out, weddings etc, all sober. I would say though that the things I lost when I stopped drinking was the ability to enjoy a shit night out and tolerance for drunk people repeating themselves, so the easiest sober nights are ones when you’ll be doing an activity/dancing etc.

In your opinion, do you feel you miss out? Got a terrible fear of being left behind.

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MarkWithaC · 24/03/2025 10:51

ApolloandDaphne · 24/03/2025 10:09

I went to a hen do where the bride and the brides mum chose not to drink and we all had a great time. No one can force you to drink. Just say you are detoxing to keep your skin lovely or whatever. have fun!

Why do you think she needs to make excuses/lie about why she's not drinking?
If people give you a hard time or mither about why you're not drinking, they're not proper friends and not worth worrying about.

Bobnobob · 24/03/2025 10:50

I have a friend who doesn’t drink at all. She just doesn’t want to anymore and has become quite health focused. She turns up on nights out and sings and dances and has a fabulous time fuelled by Diet Coke. She’s a very organised and motivated person and a brilliant friend, it has not crossed my mind once to question her or feel aggrieved that she doesn’t drink. You just have to own it really and brush off any remarks.

DelectableMe · 24/03/2025 10:47

I gave up alcohol some years ago, and have felt so much better. I have to keep telling people that I don't drink, though, but that's fine if people think it's strange.
I went to someone's house warming and they handed me a glass of champagne at the door. I handed it to someone else. You just have to be persistent!

Daniki · 24/03/2025 10:46

i Get ya I get awful hangovers il vomit the whole day so I don’t bother drinking anymore. I do get bad social anxiety so I think on a hen I would drink as I’d feel too awkward but if you can do it without that then do! My own hen I was so sick the next day I couldn’t get out of bed to half 4 I missed most of the day 2! Not worth it 🤢

DelectableMe · 24/03/2025 10:44

LurkyMcLurkinson · 24/03/2025 10:40

It’s absolutely fine. I was also a binge drinker and haven’t drank for 3 years now as the hangovers and hangxiety stopped being worth it. I’ve done hen dos, nights out, weddings etc, all sober. I would say though that the things I lost when I stopped drinking was the ability to enjoy a shit night out and tolerance for drunk people repeating themselves, so the easiest sober nights are ones when you’ll be doing an activity/dancing etc.

This ⬆️

LurkyMcLurkinson · 24/03/2025 10:40

It’s absolutely fine. I was also a binge drinker and haven’t drank for 3 years now as the hangovers and hangxiety stopped being worth it. I’ve done hen dos, nights out, weddings etc, all sober. I would say though that the things I lost when I stopped drinking was the ability to enjoy a shit night out and tolerance for drunk people repeating themselves, so the easiest sober nights are ones when you’ll be doing an activity/dancing etc.

Pancakeflipper · 24/03/2025 10:40

If it's a dinner dance, enjoy! Should be pretty easy to be on non-alcoholic drinks. You probably won't be the only one.

Original poster

butterfly172 · 24/03/2025 10:37

Pancakeflipper · 24/03/2025 10:25

If you are doing all day brunches/ out at bars, in a drinking environment then won't it be difficult for you to not succumb to a drink? Or be irritated by others when drunk?

Have you got activities where the focus isn't on drinking?

See other quote I've done but it doesn't have to revolve around drink as it's a dinner/music night.

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Original poster

butterfly172 · 24/03/2025 10:35

MellowPinkDeer · 24/03/2025 10:10

I think you can give up whatever you want and do whatever you want for your hen do!!

i am so tempted to give up drinking myself , I’m sure I’d feel so much better for it but my friendship / family group things are often centred around drinks and that makes me feel nervous?

I've wanted to stop drinking for some time, but I don't because I'm a little scared truth be told. Scared of judgement, fear of missing out, etc etc etc....

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DelectableMe · 24/03/2025 10:29

Yes, of course. Just tell them the truth.

Original poster

butterfly172 · 24/03/2025 10:29

Resilience · 24/03/2025 10:14

Of course YANBU. However, how easy this will be to pull off in practice is very much going to depend on your friends.

If this was me, my friends would probably take the piss but be supportive. It wouldn’t be a big deal. In other friendship groups I suspect it might not be that easy. If your friends try to bully you into drinking then clearly they are shit friends, but it’s more likely they’ll just annoy you by asking what’s brought it on and “are you sure you don’t want an alcoholic drink?” - which can be wearing and take the edge off things for you. If you think that might be the case, consider changing the event to something that lends itself less to drinking.

My friends/family might be a little taken aback as I've always been a "drinker" but I don't think I'd be pressured as such.

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Original poster

butterfly172 · 24/03/2025 10:28

Purrree · 24/03/2025 10:10

What settings are your hen dos?

If its a late night bar with a stripper you may feel oblidged on the night 🤣

I don't drink and would probably plan things that dont centre around getting drunk. A spa day or day lunch etc

My friends/family Hen do is a meal at a restaurant with a 90's themed band. There is alcohol obviously but it's not centred around it. It's all book now with deposits paid and I don't wish to change it but I think I could get away with not drinking?

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TheChosenTwo · 24/03/2025 10:26

I’m going to a hen do soon where the hen doesn’t drink. She has no objection to anyone else drinking but she herself takes lifelong medication which means alcohol is best avoided.
I myself have massively reduced my drinking in the past year due to terrible hangovers and awful crippling hangxiety. I may have a drink at the hen do but quite probably won’t.
just listen to what your head is telling you and don’t worry about what anyone else says, know your own mind.
and enjoy!!

Pancakeflipper · 24/03/2025 10:25

If you are doing all day brunches/ out at bars, in a drinking environment then won't it be difficult for you to not succumb to a drink? Or be irritated by others when drunk?

Have you got activities where the focus isn't on drinking?

ForRealCat · 24/03/2025 10:24

TickingAlongNicely · 24/03/2025 10:11

Your body your choice.
Be prepared for the inevitable questions about pregnancy though. As apparently a woman who doesn't drink must be pregnant....

I had a bad Christmas this year, and so thought it best not to drink. The concerned looks from relatives was a bonus, and provided me with much amusement. Kicking the family rumour mill into gear was hysterical

DelectableMe · 24/03/2025 10:24

The best hen do I went to was a meal in a lovely Italian restaurant. I don't drink. I don't see why a hen do has to be boozy or involve crazy behaviour.
Just tell your friends.

Rewis · 24/03/2025 10:24

The hen does I've been to have involved alcohol but they have never really been boozy. Mainly few drinks later at the pub/cottage. Mainly because the activities have not been alcohol related. We've done flower arranging at florist so nobody thought about drinking. Went to cooking school etc.. So if you have a nice day of activities then drinkers won't even notice they haven't drank. But also you shouldn't have to explain your choices.

ForRealCat · 24/03/2025 10:22

Your hen do, do what you want. Maybe pick an activity rather than a bar. I think for a lot of guests it would probably be a relief too!