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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend gets mad when we don’t have sex

55 replies

BeTicklishOtter · 24/03/2025 07:42

my boyfriend has been saying that all I do is sit in my phone and never speak to him or spend time with him. I work 40 hours a week - the only time I really go on my phone is when I finally get into bed & he as well is just on his phone

so last night we decided to watch a movie together, 2 in fact because I never make time.

movie finished and he tries to have sex, I told him no that I’m tired & I couldn’t be bothered.

he then proceeds to call me a fat bitch that he doesn’t love me anymore that I’m boring and he will go and find someone better to watch this then took him self to sleep down stairs after shouting up that im horrible and he’s leaving me.

we literally had sex 2 days ago - we have sex like 2-3 times a week but all he ever does is say we don’t even have sex when we clearly do.

OP posts:
Smokeyblueblack · 24/03/2025 08:56

rainbowstardrops · 24/03/2025 08:09

If someone called me a fat bitch and that they didn't love me and could find somebody better, I'd show him where the door is. Why on earth would you want to have sex with someone like that anyway?

That were my thoughts exactly: as soon as he uttered the words " you are a fat bitch" I would never have wanted, or felt comfortable having, sex with him again.

He didn't even have to tell you he didn't love you because if he did love you he wouldn't be calling you a fat bitch and trying to coerce you into having sex with him.

The relationship is over OP. You deserve much much better than a " man" like this

honeylulu · 24/03/2025 08:55

Bloody hell. He is nasty and his logic is bizarre because calling you fat, boring and unloved is hardly going to inspire you to want sex with him.

Ugh. Get rid

Ecotype · 24/03/2025 08:38

Why are you with this knob. You deserve more. Tell him to sling his hook.

DennisRoundThePost · 24/03/2025 08:28

I hope you helped him pack his bags as he said he is leaving. Do you get that he wants you to beg him to stay and also have sex when you don't want to just to stop him name calling and insulting you? His threats to leave are empty threats otherwise he would be gone.

You deserve so much better than this. This boy is awful, he is immature and abusive. What is your living situation? Owned house or rented? Make moves to end this relationship and let him have his temper tantrum, but you need to see that this is not a healthy relationship.

Also consider why you think this is how relationships are? Because the healthy ones are not like this. They are kind, caring, supportive and devoid of abuse.

SallyWD · 24/03/2025 08:27

Awful man. Please leave him. You deserve so much better.

B2210 · 24/03/2025 08:13

Please leave him, this won’t get better, he won’t change and his behaviour is totally unacceptable

GabriellaMontez · 24/03/2025 08:11

Accept his offer to find someone else. He's vile.

Out of interest, does he work?

Guinessandafire · 24/03/2025 08:09

Ooh, it's a difficult one OP, stay and be abused verbally and eventually physically until you are a shell of a human....or split up.

Seriously, if you even need to ask the question perhaps you do need a bit of help making the first steps. Professional help is out there if you need it.

rainbowstardrops · 24/03/2025 08:09

If someone called me a fat bitch and that they didn't love me and could find somebody better, I'd show him where the door is. Why on earth would you want to have sex with someone like that anyway?

FetchezLaVache · 24/03/2025 08:06

Well, he told you he doesn't love you any more and he's leaving, so problem solved, really. Just make sure he goes. Do you live together?

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 24/03/2025 08:05

To make it easier and safer for you tell him you agree with everything he said and you can't possibly expect him to stay with you a moment longer.. End things today.. Hopefully you don't live together..

SamphiretheTervosaur · 24/03/2025 08:03

Is that how you envisaged your life?

You'd be better off leaving now before the emotional cost becomes too high

redphonecase · 24/03/2025 08:02

Surely you mean ex boyfriend?

EnjoythemoneyJane · 24/03/2025 08:02

He calls you a boring fat bitch and your AIBU is whether you should be having more sex with him?

Come on, OP, do you really need a bunch of internet strangers to tell you he’s an utter wanker and that you should bin him off immediately?

DenholmElliot11 · 24/03/2025 08:02

Leave. Don’t worry about him there’s plenty a mumsnetter be grateful 🙏 for him

Purpleturtle43 · 24/03/2025 07:56

This is abuse, plain and simple. Please leave him, you can do better.

bifurCAT · 24/03/2025 07:52

This reply has been deleted

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Viviennemary · 24/03/2025 07:50

Hi is a disgrace. Get rid of him without delay.

DrinkReprehensibly · 24/03/2025 07:48

This isn't a one off. It will only get worse. How could anyone who loves you treat you that way? Please don't waste any more of your time on him.

Imisscoffee2021 · 24/03/2025 07:47

Bin him, he's gross.

Pigeonqueen · 24/03/2025 07:47

What on earth are you doing with this monster? Your self esteem must be awful if you think this is love.

ItsaWarmWindfromtheWest · 24/03/2025 07:46

I also suggest you consider therapy because the fact you even need to ask about this shows you have low self-worth and don't understand boundaries or what a close loving relationship looks like.

Do you have a habit of choosing violent or abusive men?

Buttonknot · 24/03/2025 07:46

He sounds horrible OP Sad

SpinningTops · 24/03/2025 07:45

Please leave this man. He sounds vile and clearly has no respect for you. How dare he call you a fat bitch. You will be happier without him.

SauvignonBlonk · 24/03/2025 07:45

Ditch him - he is awful

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