The most shocking thing about the maternity enquiries is how unshocked I am.

That's great. Lucky you! Have you read the article about all the babies who've died unnecessarily? You having a good experience doesn't mean women shouldn't talk about their negative experiences on a website for mums.

My experience was good from start to finish. We chose the smaller maternity hospital hoping it would be more personal and it was. Two lovely midwives attended me during my the birth of our son and a Dr arrived to break my waters. Care afterwards (they kept me in for five days due to ds having slight jaundice) was kind, supportive and empathetic. I'm sorry for people that have had bad experiences but it's unfair to say most women have poor experiences.

Holy moly. I am so sorry. So much pain, cruelty, loss at such a sensitive time. My first birth was rocky but not like this, good grief

Absolutely horrendous, did you ever get chance to speak about your concerns during labour.
💞

For some reason that has shocked me most of all (the it doesn't matter comment). Of course it fucking does

My experience was bad from the second I rang to inform them my waters had broke, as they had told me to do! Got laughed at and told I was so not in labour. I said I know, but my waters have broke and you said to call. Told to go in, the midwife then sneered at me for having blow dried my hair and applied make up (all done before waters broke!) and laughed she'd like to see what I looked like after twelve hours of labour. DH threw her out of the room and demanded she was not allowed near me again. But it didn't improve thereafter and it's difficult to talk about twenty years on.

I think this attitude towards pain has permeated all aspects of health care, as I worked in elderly and palliative care and they were under medicated too, as well as other distressing symptoms being ignored and just accepted as natural and part of the experience. Christianity teaches that we must bear our pain and difficulties the same way Christ bore his pain on the Cross and that suffering brings us closer to God. This is mainly a Roman Catholic belief. I believe that there has to be space for compassion. It's interesting to see how belief has firmly stamped itself unconsciously on the population though and seems to have been passed down through the centuries.

I’m so sorry, how do you ever get over such a thing? Sending hugs xx

Put it this way, after my first I had homebirths for my next two. If you can hire a doula or have one or two people at home with you that can advocate for you. I used a private midwife service (hired through nhs) for my 3rd.

It is heartbreaking to read the treatment on this thread. I was having my 4th DC I had been in labour for some time with contractions thick and fast. I was in a lot of pain.

I told my midwife that my waters had needed to be broken for all three of my children, that they had been extremely tough to break- requiring team effort. For my third the midwife had said they would never have gone naturally.

The midwife said she would do no such thing, that it was better for the baby to be born in caul as it meant they experienced less pain. She expressed pity that I would put my own comfort above my child’s. That was enough to silence me. I grew up in an abusive home and was determined not to harm my children the way I had been harmed.

Devastatingly, when they next checked my baby’s heartbeat it had stopped. They wouldn’t deliver her as an emergency, I had to endure a scan to confirm it had stopped despite my begging them to help her.

Ironically, the consultant broke my waters there and then and she was born just over an hour later. There was meconium in the waters so I think she was distressed. Post Mortem showed a happy healthy baby and unknown cause of death.

I don't understand why some staff speak to mums as if they are delinquent or stupid. I feel like they are taking advantage of us being in a vulnerable state as I don't normally get spoken to like that by professionals.
I had my kids a while ago now, but do they ask for feedback on your experience now like ofsted ask parents and kids for their experience of schools? You get asked by text to rate your experience of dentist/shops/amazon.

I want another child. I spent numerous times a week falling down rabbit holes on how I can possibly have another child safely and humanely.

I do not understand how a successful birth is one that ends up with everyone surviving. You’d think in 21st century Britain that would be the bare minimum.

I echo similar stories to the many women on here.

The grand scheme of things my labour wasn’t that bad, as in I didn’t leave with life changing injuries.

I wasn't told that I was being sedated during my C-section. I obviously fought to stay awake as I thought I was dying. I woke up to DH shouting to me to look alert or they were going to formula feed DD.

I’ve always been a law abiding, polite, decent member of society yet I felt like I was treated like a criminal.

I asked for my prescribed pain medication and the midwife angrily got into my space and tapped her forehead saying ‘your pain is all up here’… less than a day after my C-section.

Lying in blood soaked sheets for over 12 hours. I couldn’t even cuddle DD as I felt too unhygienic.

Nobody being phased when I continuously blacked out when being told to move after my C-section.

Begging to get off my back during my back to back labour. It felt like I was being hung, strung and quartered.

Having a sweep done without my consent. When I told her ‘I do not consent’ she just rolled her eyes at me.

When a midwife was giving me an internal examination and I asked her what her name was ‘it doesn’t matter’.

It’s unbelievable isn’t it? The most physically and emotionally vulnerable point in our lives, and we were treated like shit. I’m so sorry you had a similar experience, it seems it’s not uncommon sadly.

Had a similar thing after my c section (second baby 4 years ago). They wanted me out, and got us to walk to the bathroom a few hours after the c section. They say it's important to aid a fast recovery - fair enough though I did say I didnt feel I could walk. I staggered there, next to a midwife. Bathroom was full of someone else's postnatal blood (which was obviously gross). Came out of the bathroom and the midwife who had walked with me to it had disappeared. Tried to get back to my bed myself but started blacking out. Staggered to a random wheelchair nearby (thank goodness it was there or I'd have been lying in a heap on the floor) and collapsed into it. And this was the better birth by far!

‘This includes a consultant friend of mine who eventually revealed who she was and pulled rank as the doctor didn't know what he was doing.’

@Reugny a GP friend of mine would have bled out from a miscarriage on her bathroom floor, with only her toddler present, if she hadn’t had the medical experience and assertiveness to insist on being seen. God knows what would have happened if she’d not had medical training and had accepted the (very rudely given and compassion-free) phone advice of her antenatal team. It’s horrifying to think that acquiring a medical degree appears to be necessary for getting adequate maternity care in some cases.

@LeilaLandi I had almost exactly the same experience, staggering to NiCu with my baby in his crib, at 4am with a catheter in, a few hours after a c-section, having been abandoned in a corridor by a grouchy HA. I was made to feel ashamed and lazy and stupid for wanting help, and I have never felt so alone and vulnerable. I’m so sorry you had a similar experience but I also can’t tell you how validating it is to read - it’s made me cry as i relate so strongly to that sense of shame. But the shame is on the people who were supposed to help and support us - we deserved better 💐

I'll try not muddy the waters with general ward behaviour...

I was actively giving birth begging for pain relief but was disbelieved.and fobbed off. I was stood up and babies head was crowning. Told no way that I was there yet. When I screamed like some animal it was obvious and I was rushed onto the bed and at least had 2 minutes of gas and air.

No longer surprised by anything. I have the misfortune of significant illnesses and have encountered a fair number of what I would certainly call sociopathic nurses and doctors. Others, clearly just burnt out and lost compassion where maybe they once had it.

I had one of mine in an independent ( not attached to a hospital) MLU and they were fine My DD had both of hers in MLU with no issues. Other DD was in main hospital with consultant led care and it was there that the ignoring, rudeness etc took place

I had my DD in 2018 with my DP advocating for me in a hospital rated "Good". When I told DP that during covid and after women where going into hospital without a birthing partner he went green and nearly started crying.

During my labour he had physically go and get midwives and the doctor to attend to me as they refused to believe me.

Plenty of women I know and met who have given birth in the MLU or doctor led units in that hospital have had issues with the care. This includes a consultant friend of mine who eventually revealed who she was and pulled rank as the doctor didn't know what he was doing.

Due to my booking appointment with a midwife who was simply horrid because I wasn't the ignorant poor ethnic minority woman she thought and the fact I was obstetrics led, my DP attended every hospital appointment with me. I made sure I never saw that community midwife again and managed to get a lovely one who nearly always had a student with her.

Mine got stuck too and was also large (just under 10 pounds). He ended up with torticollis due to a neck injury from aggressive ventouse delivery afterwards, but when I pointed out his neck didn't look right we were mocked and belittled by the midwife. Took me a month to raise it again, and by then his neck was far worse. He ended up with 2 years of physio and a lot of stress on my part. Could all have been avoided with proper care. I'm just glad he's okay now- could have been much worse I guess.

This. I am a very assertive white woman with a PhD. I'm used to being respected, listened to, in control of situations and having a voice (not that other women don't, but I know experiences of, for instance, black women are often unfairly different to mine). The one time in my adult life I didn't feel that way was in the maternity ward. I felt infantilised. I felt like a burden. I was ignored. I felt mocked. I felt like I had no control over anything related to myself or my baby. I was really scared. I did complain after, actually, many months later when I felt emotionally ready, but got nowhere. This was in Surrey, 6 years ago, and I'm still angry.

Having had my first baby in Shrewsbury 25 years ago, I wasn’t surprised at all with the later findings. I consider myself lucky that my son and I survived it.
it was an awful experience, left alone for much of my labour monitered by a student, until my baby got stuck then it was one big ( traumatic) panic. Women deserve better.

I can so relate to this. So sorry this happened to you. When I asked for a wheelchair to leave the ward as I literally couldn't walk after a traumatic stay including blood transfusions, infected catheter ( left in too long ), raging hunger ( no food brought to me for 2 days and I couldn't walk to the trolley) and a stay in the High dependency unit I was told " I like all my ladies to walk out of here by themselves, what seems to be the problem". Treated like I was creating a problem. Cruel, nasty, sneering power trippers. No wonder I spend DS birthday depressed every year

My first DS was born at 27 weeks at the Countess of Chester Hospital due to me having pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. He sadly died aged 6 weeks after being in NICU for the whole time (Before LL worked there). The staff there both in ante natal ward and post natal ward treated me very well, with care and empathy.

My second DS (now 11) was born at the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital. Owing to having had a ‘classical’ caesarean section first time round, my consultant at COCH said I must have an elective C section for any further pregnancies due to risk of uterine rupture if I had a VBAC. When I saw the consultant at Shrewsbury, I asked her what should I do if I went into labour, she said ‘oh just go with it’. Err no….I was determined I would not put myself in that risky position. This is the consultant who was very proud of having the lowest number of Caesarian deliveries in the whole country!

My waters did break four days before my elective section so I rang the hospital and insisted I went in. This was about 10pm. A very harassed midwife saw me into a room, she was obviously allocated far too many women. When I explained that my waters had broken, she actually said to me ‘are you sure it wasn’t just a big wee?’ I couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing. She said they would get me into theatre in the morning and strongly suggested I went home. We live about 40 mins away and I thought there was no point the extra travelling and I would wait there. A while later, the midwife came back into the room and said they’d get me in shortly (now approx 3am) as the anaesthetist was ‘awake and alert’, and to save him going to bed and being called in later when he might be groggy!

From the incision being made at 3:30, my DS was not delivered until 4:50. My bowels had adhered to my old scar tissue and the two registrars doing the operation didn’t know what to do. They called a general surgeon from the main hospital who said he’d tell them what to do but wouldn’t operate himself. They were not satisfied with that so finally called the on-call obstetrician out of bed, who successfully detached my bowels and delivered my son. I’d been lying there open for all that time and lost 2 litres of blood, with my spinal block just about to wear off. I couldn’t face any more pregnancy and birth related trauma so I chose not to have any more children.