Shall I tell her to stick it?

You are very entitled OP.

This lady has been giving your son a lift to school (and back!) for a year!! For free!!

Now she’s asked for a petrol contribution, which is absolutely fair. She’s obviously asked as her son is spending money on fuel and she wants to help him out a bit. She has a potential source of a small income from your son’s lifts. Instead of the admin of transferring money to her son after she’s transferred it to you, she’s cut the middle man out.

Why does it matter where you pay money into? You should be contributing to petrol costs, and now you’ve been asked to. How is it cheeky to be asked to pay into a certain account but not into another account? That’s a bizarre way of you looking at things.

Tell her to stick it if you want to. I hope she does! And then you can find the time (and money) to get your own child to and from school every day. Unbelievable

It’s a very odd set up. A teacher giving a parent of one her pupils her son’s bank details so she can pay his petrol money? I mean WTF?

However it sounds like you do rely on it so I would just pay it. If you can take your child yourself I would just scrap the arrangement altogether, but you don’t sound able to. I would keep any messages out lining the agreement if this ever blows up. I would send her a message saying ‘Sorry, just to confirm am I paying the money to your son’s bank account, is that right?

I think the head / governors / Ofsted would take a very dim view of this arrangement. Could be construed as bribery / favouritism / safeguarding issues.

To be quickly told to take your own kid to school then.

Would you though? Because that would probably end any agreement instantly. And it would go all around the village and everyone would be sniggering at you by teatime

Hahahahahahaha 😂

Yep good luck with that one!!!

You'd be quickly told to find your sons own way to school then. The teacher is doing OP a favour, not the other way around.

Where do you live? In the U.K. free school transport is required by law for children who live that far from their school.

In what world do you think this is acceptable.

“I’d like to continue with that agreement.”

This isn’t a service that @PrincessLeia21 has professionally booked. It was someone doing her a big favour for free. She doesn’t get to dictate that it continues the way she wants. When someone is doing you a favour they get to dictate ground rules as you’re the one benefiting from them.

Lol, says the rudest woman on mumsnet today

This woman is doing you a huge favour not only saving you money on your own petrol etc but in valuable time as you’ve said how long the school run trip is.

She hasn’t asked for money out of the blue. You offered and she’s said yes.

Also you say you’ve given her gifts to say thanks but you’re put out she hasn’t said thanks for your thank. Where does it end? You saying thank you for her thank you for your thank you present?

If you’re not happy with the set up, drive your own child.

I’d have said something along the lines of “I accepted your refusal for petrol money and I’d like to continue with that agreement.”

No I don’t think you should tell her to stick it, but I do think she should tell you to stick it as you clearly are an entitled CF.
It soundslike you need the assistance way more than she needs a small fuel contribution, as indeed she would be paying for it anyway and hasn’t asked for a year.
If you have no other practical way to get your child to school, I would be falling over myself to pay the contribution into any bank account she suggests, but feel free to be arsey and run the risk of losing these lifts.

Slightly lost for words 😅
If you told her to stick it, what would be your alternative plan for getting your child to school and back?

Giving lifts to students is against most schools safeguarding policy. Adding in paying a teacher money and it looks even more questionable. Maybe she wants to payment to not go into her account as she knows what’s she’s doing would be frowned upon by the school.

😂This has got to be a wind up thread.

I’m amazed that any teacher these days arrives and leaves at the same time as the pupils. The teachers I know all arrive at school early and leave late.

The teacher probably feels uncomfortable receiving the money and rationalising that if her son benefits instead then it’s ok. Personally I think it is brilliant that she offers the lift. And for those saying safeguarding is an issue then what is the point of a DBS check?

So what would you have done if the teacher hadn't been able to give your son a lift all this time if there is no other way of getting him there?!

Can you not go back to her and say you'd feel more comfortable paying into her account?

Telling her to stick it seems like a total overreaction, given she is doing you and your DC a massive favour.

Sorry about the loss of your mum and your dad now being poorly but I'd be wanting to keep this arrangement in place so I'd suck it up and pay her DS.

If you are going to your local school and live over 2/3 miles away (depending on if primary or secondary) then the council is obliged to provide transport - whether a school bus or a taxi. Why are you not getting transport?

A school teacher should never be alone 1-2-1 with a pupil in this sort of situation, they are opening themselves up to all sorts of allegations.

It is a long drive (30min?) and she is also saving you the 30min drive back to so essentially she is giving you 2 hours of your time back a day and less petrol and wear and tear on your car. This is worth something to you?

Where the money is paid is just semantics - if you paid it to her and she paid it to her son it would be the same outcome, you are just saving her the admin task of doing a bank transfer.

Wow. You've received hugely helpful free lifts for a year, and now she's asked for a contribution, you're complaining and calling it a shakedown and talking about subsidising her kids car.....just one question.

What is actually wrong with you?

Yes it initially seems odd however, by her son receiving the petrol money, it ensures no link back to the teacher who legally should t be giving lifts. So yes, it’s wrong.

You sound angry OP. Why? You chose to live in an extremely remote area! Lovely person has been helping you out and now you’re angry at them for daring to ask for a contribution? It’s got nothing to do with you where the money goes or to who! Stop using teacher for lifts if you are so angry by her request. I actually hope she reads this and stops offering.

Absolutely a safeguarding concern and I am really surprised the teacher has not realised this or her school. She should not be doing it. I would also think the school would not be happy that she was taking payment. I live in a rural area with no bus and I would never put a teacher in this position, it is your responsibility to get your child to school.

Why not tell her to stick it?
That will teach her a lesson and help you.
She’ll lose by gaining extra time for herself at the start and end of each day as she won’t have the privilege of chauffeuring your son.
You will gain by losing lots of time and money getting your own son to school.