Shall I tell her to stick it?

hmmmmm

Teachers don’t give pupils lifts

pupils who live over 3 miles from catchment are entitled to free transport.

something isn’t adding up here 🤔

I thought teachers were not allowed to do this as it is strongly discouraged from a safe guarding view. Adding money into the mix sounds incredibly naive. So what happens if the teacher is ill and can’t do it, has to stay later in the school day etc etc. Rural schools have policy of transport by local authority to nearest school. You should be making alternative arrangements even if they offered.

Why do you live in the back of beyond when you have kids?

It's a tie and commitment. Even for people that would be doing their trip most days there are days that you really want the flexibility to leave earlier/ later yeah you know you really can't because you have made a commitment to someone else,

This.

Op you're taking advantage of a teacher n putting them out then moaning about it, they could potentially get dismissed because of all this.

Why aren't you taking your own son to school?

I've never heard of teachers giving kids lifts. Surely it's a safeguarding issue to be alone with a pupil after school hours? What if your kid turned round and said miss touched me in the car? It must be against LA policy for any teacher to do this. So just decline the lifts from now on.

Surely he would rather hang out with his mates on the way home from school?

I know sounds like a nightmare for the teacher for reasons exactly like this. It's a lot to ask of the teacher and puts them jn a very precarious position if there was to be N accident or bump.

When I was teaching I'd of never done this at all apart from for my neices at same school who were family.

I suspect she doesn't want to be seen to be taking money directly for doing this. Even indirectly is slightly odd. I would say that really she shouldn't be taking money and this is her way round it. But if it came to light she could be for the high jump just on optics. I would just say you have had a think about it and you think you are putting her in a difficult position with how this may be regarding so you will sort your son out yourself.

As to your own situation well you just have to work round things - so reorganise yourself to sort your Son out yourself. Life might be tricky for lots of reasons but we just have to rejig things sometimes

Being alone with a school pupil in her car breaks just about every teachers code of conduct I've ever read.

I’ve had to do an awful lot of juggling and rely on the lifts- she knows this, which makes me feel even more like this is taking the piss.

When we're grieving we need everything to stop so we can get a breath, and I'm sorry for your loss. But I think you're overthinking it.
Just because she's aware of your situation it doesn't mean sh's taking the piss by asking for payment now.
Perhaps she wanted to ask sooner but held off until now.

This. Totally inappropriate. Teachers are told not to do this.

I couldn't quite decide!!

There are so many people on MN who would say that seriously these days, that you can't quite be sure.

But I'm glad you weren't actually being serious👌🏼

I would imagine she isn't technically allowed to accept money from a pupil or their parent and that's why she's given her sons details rather than hers.

Are you not in UK? Because I don't understand why your child isn't entitled to bus. Either way, she has done you a colossal favour for over a year, and calling it a shakedown is pretty shocking. I feel indebted if one mother I am good friends with gives my child a lift once in a blue moon.

Are you for real? This teacher has kindly taken your child to and from school for free for the last year. She is now finding times are tough and would like to accept your offer of financial recompense. Who cares where it is paid to? And poor you, you’ve had to chase her for a thank you after you’d so generously sent her a thank you gift. Perhaps next time she should drop you a heartfelt thank you letter written in blood.

I think you have an absolute cheek and if I were her I would tell you to sort your own shit out. Have you considered all the times she would like to do something straight after work but can’t as she has to take your child home?

Get grip and be grateful she is still helping you

I don’t get why you’re upset except your personal circumstances are tricky - she’s saving you time as well as money. I’d pay and not resent someone saving me school run time!

Why not be grateful for all the free lifts your son had, then make other arrangements.
What’s the point in you giving it to her and her giving it to him, easier if you send it to him.
Although, a tiny part of me is with you on this

I don't think she is wrong to have changed her mind about a contribution to the petrol expense as prices have increased and she has done you this favour for a while by the sound of things. She would give this money straight to her son anyway, so I don't really see the difference in paying it into his bank account.

I don't think I would really give this much of a second thought.

I thought the council had to provide transport over 3 miles for secondary unless he is 6th form when they dont have to.

I agree that its odd that the teacher is giving lifts in the first place.

Definitely do this.

How old is your son OP?
Could you get him a bike?

I'm not sure I would be comfortable for a teacher (who is just a distant neighbour) to take my child to school. It puts both of them in a pretty vulnerable position. The fact that she's given you her sons bank account details shows that either. a) she knows she shouldn't be doing that or b) she's just making her life easier to avoid moving money around.
I think I'd be ending this arrangement asap TBH - for both the teachers sake and your sons. You've mentioned you live rurally - but presumably at some point you chose the school - or moved house - knowing that the commute to school was long so you should have planned for that. If you've always lived rurally and this is literally the only school your son can go to then I guess you must be used to this kind of rural living and long commutes to most things??

Cutting her nose off to spite her face rather there.. don't you think? Unless the teacher is asking for more than what it would cost the OP to send her own son to school, I would accept graciously and thank goodness for kind people wiling to do it for free for a year. I imagine another post 'should I ask for a contribution for petrol' and a resounding YES from mumsnetters.

Yes, tell her to stick it. He can walk. FFS.

So not physically impossible...just inconvenient to you. Blimey, if only we could have some kind of way of knowing these situations were going to occur when we had kids and moved to a location eh.