Shall I tell her to stick it?

Take your own child to school.

OP how would you have got your child into school if the teacher hasn’t offered as you say you live rurally and non public transport? Just interested really.

And yeah for the convenience I would pay her son and continue with the gifts. I would do both so she continues with the lists . What an amazing teacher to pick and drop off each day … I need to find someone to do this for me 😂

What does it matter which bank account the money goes into? And how do other pupils get to school, and why can't you do whatever their parents do?

Why has it made you uncomfortable? For goodness sake, stop pearl clutching. She's given your ds a lift free for a while and now would appreciate some money towards. You give her a gift each term, probably something she doesn't want or need, which is why she doesn't rush to say thank you.

(On an aside...
Why does she have to say thank you for a thank you?)

Are you absolutely sure the message was sent by the teacher, not just from her phone?

But yes if it's too much then make different arrangements for your child to get to school.

I'm sorry you've had such a shit time recently. When there are big sadnesses and injustices in our lives that can lead us to focus on little things that feel more within our control.

If you live rurally, it's invaluable to have a trusted person who's willing and able to help with lifts. Especially when it's gone on for so long without you paying.

A polite person would give her some money anyway, even if she said no. Sure she's going that way anyway, but it adds annoyance to the trip (waiting for the kid either end, not having the freedom to go anywhere else directly before or after work, extra petrol being used). Fuck that for no petrol money!

I hope this OP is a reverse lol, that poor teacher having to ferry someone else's kid and then being bitched about online.

Drive your own child?

I would reframe this by thinking:

The teacher is doing a favour for your son. By paying money into her son's bank account, you will be doing a favour for her son.

You would be paying petrol for your own car if you were going and you benefit from the time saving.

It was kind of her to do the lift, very generous not to take petrol costs initially. Now she has had a rethink.

The fact that her ds has a car or that is going to his bank account is irrelevant. You wouldn't mind paying her and her paying son's petrol it is just a bit of admin saving for teacher and no difference to you.

I wouldn't tell her to stick it, I mean, she's been doing you an albeit inappropriate favour for a year already, you'd sound like an ungrateful, entitled prick. But yes you should release her from the arrangement and take your own son to school.

Tell her to stick it and see how your son gets to school after that!
YABVU.

No good deed goes unpunished.

The teacher has been doing you a huge favor for months and you're too cheap to send her some gas money? So it goes to her son. It's an extra expense and the teacher has saved you a ton of time and effort and money.

Do your own transport from now on.

No, you do not tell her to “stick it”.
Probably one of the most ungrateful and entitled post I’ve seen here in a long time. I hope the teacher reads this and tells YOU to stick it.

If you agree the amount and think it’s reasonable I don’t see the issue. If it’s as inconvenient as you say to drop son off at school she is doing you a favour.

I’d suck it up and pay, think it’s just you’ve had it for free for a year that’s the bother.

I've been a teacher for 30 years - often in very rural and isolated places.

You don't give lifts to pupils (nowadays) because it is considered a safeguarding risk and unprofessional conduct. I do not know of any teacher who would not be aware of this - or any headteacher that would condone it.

Tell her to "stick it" then? And arrange another form of transport....oh right you can't. So you probably can't tell her to "stick it". She isn't obliged to be your kids taxi service.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Fancy getting involved in this. It was never going to end well

Anyone who's ever done a favour long term will recognise the pattern here - appreciation turns to expectation, turns to entitlement, turns to resentment when the favour stops or alters in any way that doesn't suit the beneficiary

Ain’t that the truth! No good deed goes unpunished, as they say.

Taking away from the fact that she could get into trouble for accepting money from the parent of a student...in my opinion she is putting herself in a very dodgy situation

However, yabu to be annoyed she has given you sons bank details. Cost of living has gone up and now she needs petrol money from you.

The way I see it, she probably still financially supports her son. All her money likely goes in "one pot" so the extra from you towards petrol saves her giving son money from her wage...its just cutting out the middle man (her).

Your DS is getting lifts.
You offered petrol money.
She has now said yes please.
She gave you a bank to put money into.

You have been getting a kind favour from this woman for a year and now call her agreeing to petrol money "a shakedown".

Can you articulate a bit better what your problem is please? From an outside perspective you're only being asked to contrubute to getting your own son to school, so it looks like you're being very entitled here. What favours have you done for her and her son, amounting to 10 hours×39 weeks = 390 hours of childcare annually alongside the driving?

Well you didn't give this info in your opening post.
As non car owners we always picked where we chose to live with accessibility to local amenities and services and the availability of public transport being paramount in our decision process.
I would never live somewhere that made me reliant on other people to offer lifts.

If your situation is such you actually need this woman to give you lifts because there is no alternative then you don't really have the option but to pay her..
So really telling her to " stick it" as your thread title says, isn't really an option is it?

It seems a very precarious way to organise your life if you are at the mercy of other people.

So she does you a massive favour but she’s the CF for not contacting you to say thank you for the present you got her to say thank you for the massive favour she has done for you…

Reminds me of an American girl I lived with at uni who constantly got furious when “rude” British people held doors open for her, but didn’t say “you’re welcome” when she thanked them!

She’s done it for free up until now and now she’d like to take you up on your offer of payment. Just pay her into the account she has asked.

You offered petrol money and now she would like to take you up on that. She will be using it to help her son. I don’t see a problem with it tbh

She still has made you a huge favour for years, I would be relieved at paying my way and I WDGAF that she wants it paid to another bank account, her money, her business, especially when she has been so gracious to you, I really don’t get your strop