Grandfather behaviour to granddaughter

How old is he? Is there possibly cognitive decline going on like Alzheimer's?
If that is ruled out then his behaviour is knowingly wrong. Good on you for following your gut and asking questions.

Seriously, he’s grooming you as well. He’s teaching your DD that even though she feels uncomfortable it’s ok look as your know agrees and isn’t stoping this. He’s pushing public boundaries. Seriosily that’s the end of your contact with him.

Please stop any contact with this man.
Protect your daughter before it's too late!

Are there other children he has contact with? If so, you need to report him.

My daughter was abused by a family member then later by her childminders son. I've never forgiven myself for not protecting her and I had no idea what was happening until she was an adult

This despicable human is doing this in front of you, what on earth would he do if you weren't there?

This post is almost too difficult to believe

You and your husband need to stop being so passive. Stop expecting your daughter to be the one to speak out against an adult and express discomfort. Put some boundaries in place right now, and tell your daughter she is not to sit on her Granddads lap. Tell him he is to stop.

Its your job as parents to be proactive and protect your children. Even if it makes you uncomfortable and even when its your own family.
Go to the NSPCC website and look up the 'Pants' rule, go through that with your kids. Tell them they can tell you anything, and you'll just listen then help them figure it out - don't assume they know they can do that. You have to tell them.

Actually you need to stop any contact betweeen them at all. Stop going round. Tough if he doesn’t like it. If your mum asks why then tell her.

OP I know considering something so dark about your father must feel dreadful but you're better to be wrong and over cautious than find out too late that you were right.

This is not a court of law, he is not innocent until proven guilty.

This is your daughter and you need to protect her.

I would keep her away from him.

i am not sure about gut and instincts
he is your dad

but i would be firmer and say, that's enough, she needs to play

@Stripesarethethingforme its time to find your voice and use it. You also have to be aware that speaking up will cause issue with your dad and possibly other family members but so be it.

1, you need to teach your daughter consent - that no one is allowed to touch their body, hug them, sit on ppls lap etc if she doesn’t want them to. They need to ask her if she wants a hug and she is allowed to say no. Obviously also teach your daughter what good touching and bad touching is as well. As well as other body safety rules

2, Grandfathers behaviour is weird…
I don’t think there’s any lie you can tell without him trying to counter it. I think you’re going to have to be upfront and tell him how you feel, in a way that’s final. I.e “ I feel like this, so this has to stop now”.

he’ll try and protest, but stick to your guns. It makes you uncomfortable, so no more of that. If he continues to try and initiate the hugs and the touching and lap sitting, you have just cause to distance your children away from him.

You need to stay away from him OP. The fact that you didn't instantly stop him from making her sit on her knee is very concerning.
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yes this. I have seen in my former role the GM willing to throw everyone else under the bus to support the GF. I can't even say what scenarios there have been, but it may not be 'head in the sand' but occasionally active enablement. Because a paedophile is often grooming everyone around him to think it's normal.

I would never leave her alone with him, ever. And I’d stop the sitting on the lap too, tell him she needs to play. If he pushes back I wouldn’t go there

I wouldn't leave her alone with him. Ever. What a Weirdo. If it was me i wouldn't take her there very often, if at all. I wouldn't want a effing perv waiting for an opportunity to get access to my child.

This is really common actually. The whole family will be have been conditioned to put up with blatantly dodgy behaviour because it’s normal to them.

I wouldn’t let any of my small dc sit on a lap that wasn’t mine, in my experience most children don’t want to anyway. The fact the child seems to have no say and is being openly groomed is only alarming to those outside of the family. To everyone inside it is lovely grandpa being affectionate as normal. Even though it clearly isn’t normal to any of us.

It’s very telling op doesn’t like a hug from him.

Does he have dementia? Not excusing him as his behaviour is really concerning but dementia does cause sufferers to have a lack of boundaries

At the very least, pulling her back when she’s trying to get off is not on.
To even think this about your own dad, along with the fact you don’t like hugs from him, means your gut is telling you something. I’m sorry.

Yep, that's odd. My 2 would have wriggled away from my dad if he had done anything like this. Disturbing. You need to start off by taking your children to your parents a lot less. And then tell them why if they ask!

Massaging and stroking his feet?! Chilling. 😖

I’m sorry to say I agree with PP that it sounds like he’s grooming her and trying to normalise an excessive level of physical contact.

I would try and find out if there was anything else I hadn’t seen. “Wasn’t GD funny playing with your feet. Do you often play like that”?

And I absolutely would not leave her alone with him, even just in a different room, and limit the time they spend together. All day visits become days out or just a couple of hours at home.

My response to this was immediate concern. Sitting on his lap for over an hour? Being pulled back onto his lap if she made attempts to get down? She’s 6. Put a stop to this OP, please. You know this is wrong.

You might find this list helpful.

Op. Take no risks with your kids. Under no circumstances is she to sit on his lap. You intervene right now and dont leave none of the kids alone with him ever. You also need to sit your kids down and talk to them all about boundaries. I don't care if its a grandad or dad we don't need to sit on anyone's lap ever. You do not question yourself over this. It doesn't matter if its innocent or not. You don't take a risk with your kids ever.

I find it hard to believe that when your DD tries to get off his lap and he pulls her back you haven't stepped in and told him to let her go.
You really need to stop all contact between him and your DD. She must be protected.

You (and every other parent) should read The Well-Armored Child by Joelle Casteix.

He’s a pervert sorry.

read this to protect your children https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/

Can I just say confronting a child abuser may backfire, he will of course hotly deny it. He may twist the truth and blame op and her dh for accusing him of monstrous behaviour, and he is innocent and just being affectionate. He is likely to paint you in the worst possible light.

It could cause a great deal of anguish as this becomes about op being unreasonable, and falsely accusing him. The safer method is to silently stop any contact. He is never going to admit any fault, and he will just be ‘offended’ and likely loudly protest that you are the problem op.

Stop your child from seeing him altogether. Pull right back yourself and if anyone asks just bat the question away.

Without cast iron evidence of SA which will involve serious harm to your child, you are unlikely to get the support you need to stop contact from other family members, but you don’t need to ask for his or their permission. You can decide for yourself that he is no longer welcome or a safe person in your child’s life.

A grandparent is not an essential element to a child’s life, at all, but a life free of grooming and abuse and a guarantee of their safety is the least we can do as parents.

You might come under pressure from your mother or family members but just keep going and protecting your child. It doesn’t even sound like you like him op, so this is the only truly safe way of protecting her.

Please read the book The Gift of Fear. You shouldn't ignore your instincts. My GD used to always want to cuddle me and would literally chase me around the house to make me kiss him on the lips. I hated it. I found out many years later that he sexually abused my DM for many years.