To feel scared about having kids, especially boys, after watching Adolescence on Netflix?

https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/review-of-adolescence-netflix

I have two DS and I'm not afraid at all because I know what they are watching on their devices (parental control and I sometimes have a peek at their messages (they know this) which are all centered around video games. But most importantly we talk about everything ; sexism, racism, you name it. And they love and respect me and I'm a woman, all women, all girls. That's what I told them: a nasty comment/opinion on girls will hurt me deeply. They are also "allowed" to cry and we put no labels on what a boy/girl should be like.

Its odd to worry about 'especially boys' and what they 'go through' after watching a drama where a girl was murdered. You are more likely to have a daughter who us abused, exploited and harmed, in person and via the Internet than you are to have a son who becomes a murderer. At least with our sons we can excercise some influence to prevent them joining the lists of perpetrators. With our daughters, we simply have to hope they're not in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Do you live in a particularly well off area?

It was inspired by true incidents that the writer then researched.

This is an overreaction because there has always been peer pressure, bullying, misogyny for generations. Only difference for you is you've just watched a TV show about it. Obviously the human race hasn't died out because people are too scared to have children OR we aren't suddenly building more youth detention centres because of a spike in youth crime. Law and Order SVU has been a hit tv show since the early 90s with horrific crimes committed against and by children and hasn't caused a population dip.

It's good to be aware of the issues youngsters face and think of how to help them navigate it but getting anxious about it will only create fear responses in both parents and adults. A child who will murder isn't doing it just because of bad parenting, it's because they're wired wrong and there's not a lot anyone can do to stop it. We can't control the children we get.

Most children don't murder or rape people - so it's irrational to think a dramatised fictional story should be taken so seriously.

I have a DD, I’m quite worried about the pornification (choking etc) of our society, how many men get away with violence towards women. Scares the shit out of me. I follow someone on twitter who notes male violence, the number of men who inflict extreme violence on partners and get away with suspended sentences is fucking shocking. In the UK you can rape a woman or beat her half to death and not expect much of a punishment.

Not round here. I had late work meetings around once a week till recently and never saw young teens roaming around

You must live in a bit of a bubble then because it's really, really common

I have boys aged 15 and 19. I would genuinely say that my brother had a tougher time at school in the 80s (in terms of bullying etc) than my sons have had.

Why would you say 'especially boys' when the girl literally got stabbed to death?

YANBU to reflect on parenting - your own choices and those made by the parents in the show. I have a teenage boy and we watched some of it together which was very interesting. DH and I noticed immediately that the children were out of the house at 10pm on a school night and the unsupervised internet access with no time limits which are both poor parenting mistakes - but the provocative factors of the show are that these parents aren't overtly 'bad' - they are loving, caring, try to do their best but ultimately they dropped several balls. But we all drop balls at times and most of our children don't turn into murderers.

I haven’t RTFT and don’t have sons!
I also haven’t had a chance to watch adolescence yet! So my tuppance worth might not be helpful.

I see lots of young kids out til late round here, messing around on their bikes. Often until late. I guess what we try to do is keep the kids occupied with activities, spend time with them and monitor screen time.

It really is a lesson on how not to parent but much of it is common sense. My 10 year old son isn’t allowed devices in his room and most certainly isn’t allowed out in the evening until 10.30. I have friends with kids the same age whose boys have gaming stations in their rooms, up until 2am and do what they like at that time. It’s always baffled me - these are sensible people!

Yes, weird how murder is regular telly entertainment.

Did Inspector Morse put you off visiting Oxford? Or Grantchester make Cambridge seem a no go zone? All fiction, of course.

We do seem to have more and more gruesome killings these days. I’ve not seen any statistics comparing them to the past. I do think the internet is fuelling this.

Having teenage kids can be tough. But even so most kids will be OK.

I have to say though @ByCheekyDreamer, it was the fictional dead girl that really suffered though wasn't it?

As a parent of a son and a daughter.

Who was really suffering...

Yep.

And that's something to talk about with sons and daughters.

Where does it end?

I've got a son who's 18 next week, and a 16 YO daughter.

I spoke to them both VERY EARLY about the interwebz and the effect it could have.

Very early, 10/11 pre-puberty.

They are both very Internet savvy and open about the world.

So, I say, talk to your children.

Don't lie or pretend.

Speak to them.

Teen boy rage towards girls is nothing new, at all. Many of us have horror stories.

Good question.

It's a drama, not a documentary.
YABU.

So with thousands of fictional tv shows and movies out there with thousands of different stories out there we have to wach them and be scared that this means our children will be what is on screen?

people kill, sure they shouldnt but if you let fictional tv or films make you question being a parent then I would say you have much bigger problems going on

Every generation has its issues - I wouldn’t let it fill you with too much anxiety.

I agree with @madamweb
Protecting your children from others, particularly protecting your daughter from men, feels scarier.

However I want to add that we are protecting children - both boys and girls. We (as a western society) are very vocal about our protection for girls, but what about our boys? And I’m not talking about men, I mean boys - who are vulnerable. Children are vulnerable.

I have a son and daughter - and whilst I tell my daughter to hurry home (to dodge the sexual predators and boys). I also tell my son to hurry home (to dodge predators and groomers).

I tell my daughter don’t speak to any boys or men, if you feel unsafe then this is what you need to do; turn on your location so I know where you are if anything; tips on self defence etc.

My son needs the same advice, and I’ll add don’t take money from anyone as that’s how gangs and groomers try to have you indebted to them; being weary of XYZ neighbourhoods because those places are known for postcode wars; remember that you don’t know what weapons anyone is carrying - so don’t fight or go out looking for fights; don’t carry a knife… and there are a bunch of issues that affect our boys more than girls. We can’t keep ignoring that boys need us to protect them too.

I say this to highlight that whilst they are children and young people - I don’t care what gender they are, but they are vulnerable.

I believe there are many parents out there doing a good job, but I see this all the time - groups of the same boys in the neighbourhood doing wheelies on bikes. Out past 8pm. And it tends to be boys - as opposed to girls - and I wonder what their parents are doing - but also who is raising them if their parents arnt. And is society generally softer on raising boys vs raising girls?

We live in a very rough area and they have internet access, it's not inevitable.

Meh, not all boys are like those. Mine are more of the woke variety, likely to bullied by the Tate acolytes.

Unless you’re super young so social media was around when you were a teen, you are being naive thinking that you are prepared for your DDs adolescence. I have no clue what it’s like growing up in a world where my mistakes can be screenshot, filmed and posted for all to see. For example there’s very few records of my dodgy fashion sense and there’s no pics of me vaping, smoking a joint or posting a thirst trap online when there’s many teens who have done this. I was never asked for a nude from someone who I thought could trust or received an unsolicited dick pic either where as this is something that many girls have encountered. There were no filters for photos so I didn’t feel the pressure to touch up pics so I looked older and prettier and I wasn’t bombarded with algorithms telling me to buy expensive items to fit in.

Most kids are normal like we were. They never go to prison and get jobs and have happy lives. They enjoy listening to music on their AirPods and behaving like we did - hanging out with their friends and doing stuff like gaming or window shopping at the local shopping centre. Their friends are probably just like them but don’t face the grumpy hormonal version of your child as much as you do.