Expecting to babysit at the weekend

Hmm yes do this if you want to really create an issue between your wife and her sister. It’s once a month, are people really that petty that they won’t help family out once a month?

They can

1. pay for travel expenses and also money to take baby out.
2. drop off baby and pick up
3. deal with the baby they planned to have and they should have factored that in pre TTC and be responsible.

When you don't have a village you have to PLAN. and having children is leas easy.

Yes help in emergencies when possible. Like proper urgent emergencies. But NO rosta baby sitting is unacceptable unless pre agreed before they TTC.

We had it in our family and my DPs were going twice a month for 5 days at a time to SILs to Baby sit and they pived 2 hours away. They were told they have to and SIL had a diary and planner and planned months ahead. DPs felt trapped and like they had kids again. No travel expenses paid and they couldn't go on holidays when they wanted or visit other children or help with thise with emergencies.

Prior to having children I’d have happily done this for my nephew; I appreciate that you don’t want to and i suspect my DH would have felt the same and I wouldn’t have made him either, so if you don’t want to then don’t go but don’t make it hard on your wife who wants to.
You don’t know whether you might actually enjoy it though unless you try it

This!!

Your wife wants to do it - so let her! You stay at home. She will probably find it tough after a while, but you cannot control what she does at weekends. Get yourself an activity and do that while she’s out. I help my DB and DSIL out occasionally - 90 minutes drive each way. DH stays at home.

Nope there is just something in his posts that makes me think that relating to this particular situation- the way he wants to control his wife and the fact it will never be reciprocated

sometimes things can just relate to the current situation and not need to extrapolate out

abd really your kids are a joy all the time!

I don’t want to spend that limited time apart.

I’m trying to be reasonable, but to be honest, I don’t want to do this even once—let alone have it become a regular thing

THAT is why he is getting shit, because not only does he want to dictate how they spend their time together, he doesn't even want her to do it as a one off, so wouldn't be happy about it anyway even is it was once every 3 months.

And the kicker is, he isn't even being asked to do it!!

Also, the shift pattern problem doesn't mean it is every week, some people work 7 days on and 4 days off etc, and some people work evenings/morning as a routine pattern, it sounds like the problem of them being double booked at work is only occurring once every 4 weeks or so and the wife could specify that she only wants to do it once a month but no more than that.

But it is entirely down to the wife as to what she wants to do, she shouldn't need his bloody permission to spend time with her family once a month.

He deserves all the shit he is getting IMO.

Have you talked to your wife about this? And said I understand you want to do this now, but I think you should make it max once per month and be firm, because we aren’t reliable - as soon as you’re pregnant you have no idea how you’ll feel and if you’ll need that day to rest and after that we’ll have our own baby to care for, so it’s really important to establish those boundaries so they realise you aren’t a fail safe solution, or if you can’t do it your sister might be really angry at you for letting her down instead of recognising of course you have to prioritise your health if you’re pregnant.
I couldn’t have done it in most months when pregnant, dh did the lions share of parenting our own children.

Wow OP you’re getting shit on here aren’t you? While I agree you cannot tell your wife what to do I do believe in a relationship it’s important to discuss how you both spend your free time. I wouldn’t want to babysit for 9 hrs on a regular reoccurring day and who is babysitting on the Sundays your DW is not babysitting? To me you make babycare arrangements while still pregnant so you can plan for your return to work. I do alot with my family they are my primary source of friendship and my DH knew this before we married and yet I can assure you he would
have something to say about me babysitting on a Sunday all day long in any predictable pattern.

You are being MASSIVELY unreasonable because this is your wife that is being asked to do this, not you.. you don't have to go as she has told you to stay at home if you prefer, so I'd suggest you wind your neck on it. If your wife doesn't want to do it, then she will say that she doesn't want to do it, or does what she want not matter?

Why don't you do the chores for the 9 hours she is gone one Sunday a month and spend the Saturday together that weekend instead?

You sound quite selfish and controlling demanding her whole attention every Sunday, even going as far to follow her babysitting, no doubt to whinge and moan about the injustice of it.

This.
Your wife has obviously decided that this is something she would like to do, not only to build a lovely relationship with her dn, but to enable her sister and BiL to continue with their careers. There isn't commercial childcare on Sundays, so, if no-one is willing to help them, then that means one of them can no longer work in their current jobs.
I would have done this for my sister in a heartbeat. As do many, many people across the country.

You aren't being forced to do this. It's up to you if you want to go, or if you never go, or if you join them sometimes. Your wife can also make her own decision.

So you're wife said you don't have to go along so why are you on here whinging about it!
Also your part about sil thinking hes the most wonderful thing; well of course she does he's her son. You sound jealous of a baby ffs grow up.

Let's be honest here, it's not going to be one or two Sundays a month. It will end up being every Sunday and most Saturdays too. CF start small and then push, cajole and manipulate until you end up wondering how you started a creche as a side gig at the weekends. Wave your wife off on a Sunday morning, sit back with a coffee and crossword, meet friends, see you own family and wait for her to realize she's become a doormat.

Absolutely wrong. Other people’s children= a chore, mine a joy.
Do you think nannies should work for free?

What's your wife's take on this? Is she happy to do it, or does she also think her sister is a cf and only does it to keep the peace?

He doesn't, but likewise, his wife doesn't get to dictate how he spends his weekends. They have one day off each week together, he's not unreasonable that he doesn't want to spend it at someone else's house babysitting. their decision should be mutual. I just get the feeling the SIL is verging on CF-ery by saying it is useful practise !

Where do you get he’s angry ? He doesn’t come across that way at all . He’s explained his situation and it’s not difficult to understand. Perhaps read it again and see his point of view . Sure his wife can go alone and do it . I bet she will soon tire of it . That’s a massive commitment especially when her sister thinks she’s doing her a favour . Holy shit. That’s cheek .

Just as likely that she will absolutely love it and forge a close relationship with her neice or nephew. In many families, this is the norm.

If it’s a nine hour day, take your laundry and laptop with you. I’d do my home admin and the washing/ironing whilst there, whilst wife is doing childcare. (That’s what parents do irl)
I’d also help myself to their nice food and stuff, make myself at home. I wouldn’t feel obliged to tidy up, leave them the washing up to do as it’s their house after all. (They’ll probably stop asking if you are lucky)

After a while I’d let my wife do it by herself, as you can’t stop her if she wants to, but I would arrange to go out with friends instead as that is what you want. Then on your day together do the home admin and chores.
Eventually she will get fed up and stop doing it regularly or she will be clear she’s happy with the arrangement.

(I am female - my sister provided regular childcare for me but I paid her for her time and costs, because to do otherwise is taking the proverbial)

Omg you cannot be serious.

If my sister asked me to watch my DN and I was free I wold do it
Woudn’t expect my DH to get involved but neither would I need his permission

I bet she won't be once she's done it a couple of times.

And especially when the baby gets older and more mobile and clingy.

But your wife might have ideas a wanting the cousins to have sleep overs and being a close extended family. You need to talk about expectations and attitudes to wider family.

Totally agree with this.

Sunday childcare isn’t going to be easy to source though is it

It's your wife's sister's baby though and your wife obviously is happy to take care of the baby once or twice a month. She's not forcing you to do it - you are free to do what you want. I don't think you have the right to demand that your wife doesn't babysit though.