Expecting to babysit at the weekend

If you are doing someone a favour then it’s them that do the running about. When I’ve watched nieces and nephews hey have been dropped off and picked up from our house,

why should you be out of pocket for petrol money when it’s you that’s helping them out. I’d limit it to once a month, you still need to have time together without babysitting others children.

Is she planning to still please everyone after she's had the baby?

Hope she learns to do what SHE wants, and quickly.

Your problem is your wife prioritising her sisters wants over your relationship. Take it up with her. I wouldn’t want to do this either.

Uh oh.

Why does she feel the need to please everyone?

It's actually quite simple.

Does she actually want to do regular unpaid childcare?

If not, she doesn't have to do it. It doesn't matter whether that pleases her sister or not. If they are struggling to find weekend childcare then one of them needs to get a job that doesn't involve working at the weekends.

Just say no? This is really a ridiculous request from them. There is no way I’d be doing this.

I think this level of help would be considered quite normal in a lot of famlies. Mine wouldn't, but others would. But it's perfectly reasonabel for you not to be that keen. The issue is that your wife clearly does want to help her sister, or feels obligated to.

I think you need to talk to your wife.

And the "you should be grateful to spend time with our glorious baby thing" is classic PFBitis. Don't let it bother you. I remember reading on here a woman who said that she looked back with sheer embarassment at the time she told her DH that she felt so sorry for the nursery staff having to say goodbye to their little darling every night and she wondered if they ever cried that they couldn't spend more time with him. It was the funniest thing I'd ever read!

"My point is of course, she thinks her baby is the most wonderful thing in the world, but she doesn’t seem to realise that others might not feel the same. That is why the thinks she is doing us a favour."

That's the bit that's sticking in your craw, isn't it? Them not being grateful for the favour you are doing them? Because it is a favour and a bloody big one!

How does your wife's sister normally treat her? As an equal, or as an underling?

Nothing to do with OP being a man and 100% to do with him not being the one asked to do it.

the sister hasn’t pushed for anything, she has ASKED if it can be done, and the wife seems to want to do it?

So in what way does he think he has a right to stop her?

if the sexes were reversed I’d say the same thing.

Your issue it with your wife really, not the SIL.

You need to explain to her that you don't want lose your only day together. It's then her choice what she does and your choice about where you go from there.

FWIW If I were considering starting a family and I didn't have any hands on baby experience I would consider it a good opportunity to get some. I'd also want to see how my partner dealt with it/my partner showing some willing to get some practise in too.

Once a month maybe. Not every other weekend

they can do what others do

pay for childcare

many nannies about on a Sunday wanting extra cash

or they drop off to you so in own home

I have to admit it wouldn't surprise me at all if posters said the OP had to pay for them to have a nanny

What?? It’s absolutely a bloody chore! I wouldn’t expect someone to look after my children every weekend and then suggest that if they don’t want to, they aren’t up for being a parent themselves 😂

Your wife has agreed and wants to do it. It will be difficult to get paid child care for 1-2 times per month so unlikely your wife will change her mind unless she really cannot cope.

Yanbu to expect more help with the chores if wife not doing her share and to not always go along to the babysitting when you would rather not. Yabu to make wife feel bad about helping sister and spending time babysitting. Once you're feeling confident you can go for nice days out rather than hang about sil's house.

I hear cycling and football are good hobbies that you could take up on weekends

Well in a couple, decisions that have an impact on BOTH people are usually taken together.
In this case, it’s a decision that is affecting them both.

Of course the dwife can do whatever she wants. But it’s shitty not to take her dh views into account. Just like it would be if she had decided to disappear every other weekend for the whole day, meaning they don’t get time together.
Pretty normal for her partner to not like it.

@sundaysitter i personally think your SIL is a CF. Both in thinking she can ask so regularly. And in some ways guilt tripping your dwife into accepting ‘because oh look how nice baby is’ etc…. It sounds too close to emotionally guilting her for confort.

Having said that, the issue here is with your dwife and yourself.

I think it’s pretty normal not to want to babysit so much. Plenty of grand parents would refuse too.
But the issue here is that you feel that way and your dwife doesn’t. Maybe she feels guilty if she doesn’t help her sister. Maybe she truly relish looking after the baby. Maybe it’s helping her whikst you’re trying to conceive. But she clearky is not going so say no to them.

The bottom line is that you need to talk. No one here is right or wrong. There is certainly no need to shouting ‘boundaries’ etc… that’s something that needs to be negotiated.

Nope if the wife was saying those things of course that would be the response but she isn’t - I assume she is quite happy with the arrangement otherwise the OP would have led with that

MN is weird.

Here is someone who is pushing for a family member to give up the one day they have as family, to drive 2 hours, and do so 2 a week. Which means every other weekend is now taken over.

Normally, there would be people up in arms, cheeky fucker comments agd saying that they decided to have a child, it’s up to them to organise childcare wo relying on unpaid childminders like family members. Very very weird.
Oh wait! The OP isa man…. Here we go….

1. I would say no on the basis that she thinks she's doing me a favour. I would show my reluctance and say I rather go to the cinema but if she reallly needs help once...ok..
2. No way I would go and pick up the child I'm supposed to banysit! CF!

My MIL loves my dc dearly and she loves having them over. I still consider it a favour and I thank her profusely. And would never dream of telling her to pick up (she always offers, we always decline.

Does your wife actually want to babysit, or does she feel some sort of obligation to do so?

I would do this for my nieces/ nephews, and any partner who tried to intervene would get short shrift. It’s not just babysitting, your wife will have the pleasure of quality time with the baby, who is her family.

Why do you need to go? When my siblings had dc before me I often babysat. Once a month doesn’t sound a lot. If you wife is happy to do it then I don’t see the issue.