Expecting to babysit at the weekend

that's makes me think this will be more than the odd weekend here and there. why don't they use paid childcare? what is there reasoning ?what happens when one grandparent gets sick? has a hopital appointment etc wants to go away for a little holiday ? then i ask you to think of the same questions. what happens if your invited to a wedding the weekend your suppose to babbaysit ? what if your wife or you get sick?would be pushing back on this. your wife has to build a back bone here. your time together is precious you see countless posts on this page about family and childcare main jist is you should pay for it

Re: your update you can put all the plans you want in place for childcare and it can still fall through! You may have no other choice but to rely on others. So much about having children does not go the way you expect. I was a really chill parent when my child was hypothetical definitely less so now! I think it's nice to help out family if you can but its very hard when during your limited time together. Are there no other siblings/ grandparents to help out aswell.

I have a 16 month old. I love taking my baby to other people's houses, then they can destroy other people's houses rather than my own!

Honestly if you're looking after the baby you want it in the sisters babyproofed house. We spend a lot of weekends in libraries etc just to stop the devastation 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It’s your choice !
Just as it’s hers to chose to go.

@sundaysitter I assure you that the baby will not be asleep most of the time.
No way.
As they get older, they have fewer naps, and need constant supervision when they're awake.

I have a feeling your wife thinks this is going to be easy. She's in for a shock.

I think your wife should do the once a month if she wishes (you can either say yes/no) if the in-laws start to ask for more than once a month they should be using their A/L … it is unreasonable to ‘expect’ this amount of commitment when you are both F/T workers
Once your wife falls pregnant it will be so tiring for her to drive all that way to look after a toddler and drive all the way back home so think she then needs to say to DS she won’t be able to do it forever… make her boundaries clear at the start

I would not want that level of commitment to another, even family child, while I was working all week full time myself. If you are trying for a baby, the time before that baby hopefully arrives is very precious couple time indeed. Time that most couples look back to with a mix of nostalgia and longing when they are in the midst of babyhood childcare themselves. This time will never come back for you. Relaxed Saturday nights out followed by late sleep in Sunday mornings. Strolling out for coffee and cake or a leisurely Sunday lunch with no responsibilities. If you work all week yourselves then give up your Sundays you are doing almost as much weekend child care as parents who work and have their children in nursery during the week. You are right when you say that many parents find the weekend child are as hard/harder than the working week. They. Had their tour of having it easy like Sunday morning's as the advert used to say before they had their own child. Its yours and your wife's turn now and I guess that when you are child cares of your own child that they, deep in the child care trenches themselves won't be that willing to drive to yours, pick up an extra baby and leave you free to work at the weekend. 😄

Sorry but it sounds like your wife wants to do this and is planning for it to be once a month. She also doesn’t expect you to go. I really don’t see what the problem is, she’s just helping her sister out and getting to spend time with her nephew. Spending a day apart once a month is no big deal is it.

I completely agree with this.

My dh is away for the weekend quite often with his hobby. But, as I am a normal, sociable, intelligent adult, I can manage to occupy myself very happily.

When we had small dc, he cut right back, to share the work, but both before we had dc and now ours are grown, I consider it really healthy to have separate hobbies and for each of us to do things we want to do even where the other doesn't like these things. I would not want to be in a relationship where I couldn't do things I want to do because my partner didn't enjoy the same things but for some reason felt we needed to be together all the time we weren't at work. How odd.

Tech it’s not babysitting

babysitting is usually when child asleep

this is proper full on childcare

Getting exp for your own newborn - this is not a newborn. They will be on the move - needing to be played with - fed and put to sleep etx

Why don't you do the chores for the 9 hours she is gone one Sunday a month and spend the Saturday together that weekend instead?

this seems like a pretty sensible solution

Let's be honest here, it's not going to be one or two Sundays a month. It will end up being every Sunday and most Saturdays too

Why on earth would you think that ?
They've worked out their shift pattern and found there will be 2 Sundays a month when both of them have to be at work. That is why it is 2 Sundays a month.

and who is babysitting on the Sundays your DW is not babysitting?

One would presume the sibling is something like a police office or police staff, who work on a 10 day rota, so they won't need anyone to babysit on the other Sundays in the month as one of them will be at home.

To me you make babycare arrangements while still pregnant so you can plan for your return to work.

So what other "arrangements" do you think they could make ? There aren't Nurseries or Childminders open on a Sunday. They can't go back but ask to never work a Sunday - most shift jobs don't work like that.
Short of giving up their careers, perhaps they didn't realise the OP would be throwing his toys out of the pram over something he hasn't even been asked to do.

I'm torn on this as I am in a similar situation. I help my brother with childcare fairly regularly and my husband would like it to be less often. I love helping with my nephews but it is very hard work. Could you maybe commit to once a month and is there any other family who could help for other days?

Disagree totally - vast difference between having kids and being forced to look after other peoples children
OP - Sounds like sis is a CF here, myself and my husband are like you , no children, often have babysat for nieces and nephews, however its one off occasions like a wedding or something. We are asked well in advance if we can do it and we plan our work and lives around that then on that weekend. We have busy jobs as well as animals to look after at home, i look forward to immensely my weekends and what you are being asked would encroach immensely on my life. When you have children, paying for childcare has to be part and parcel for it. When you SIL and BIL are working and there is no one to mind the kids then they need to sort proper childcare and pay for it. I would nip this in the bud straight away and do not be allowed to be guilt tripped into either. You are available for emergencies and the odd babysitting night not regular childcare

Sounds so similar to what o went through, even the arguments at home to create an atmosphere, or using the kids against me if we went out as a family... It was awful and sadly I spent 15 years in that situation (15 years to long), and agree seeing someone expect to be the priority like that gives me massive warning flags.

My husband now will wave me off with a hug and a kiss and a 'have an amazing time' while I go oversea to see a friend who lives the other side of the world, and of course he misses me but he wants me to enjoy life, have a good time and tell him about it when I'm back

Apologies my comment below was in response to @Tiswa If this were a woman expressing a very valid view about babysitting her husbands nephew, you would never have made that comment

To be honest this is my worry about it too.. I luckily don't have an exH like this but my ExBIL certainly was.. he would make my sister feel guilty for spending any time away from the home, she'd take the kids with her to our mums for a couple of hours on a sunday, but he'd be ringing her after half an hour asking her when she would be home, and pretending he was planning something for her and the kids, but she missed it because she wasn't there.. she often came off the phone crying, it used to absolutely boil my piss.

If she decided to stay home instead of getting aggro off him for going out, he would be off with her all day and usually start an argument to create an atmosphere, she honestly couldn't win, she was a nervous wreck most the time.

He was an utter, utter prick and I was so glad she decided to fuck him off in the end, 18 long years wasted and she absolutely hated his guts in the end.

Any husband or wife who says he doesn't ever want their spouse to prioritise anyone or anything else above him (or their time together) gives off massive red flags, they may not be an all out psycho but it's not healthy to see your spouse as something that you can control.

I agree in that I don't he should have to do the babysitting, and again, yes it's different with your own.

But there's a big difference between (a) I want us to spend it weekends together without kids now because I know those days are numbered and I don't want to spend then looking after someone else's kids (b) I work and do chores and the idea of having to look after a child on my only free day isn't fun. Oh, I want to have a kid soon...

Or may be that in saying (b) he also means (a), I'm just not getting that feeling. Lots of men seem to not fully realise how much children will impact their lives and some of them just leave it all to mum so they can still have their free time, if even worse, feel jealous of the baby. I'm just getting those vibes personally.

Maybe agree with your wife to do one a month and it’s up to her if she does more? If she does you can use the time to see friends or family or do a hobby? I agree though it’s a big ask

So possible two Sunday's a month ?
No
Could you offer one ?
BUT If you dont want to do it just say No

It's a big ask from the in-laws and I'd not fancy it either but if your wife wants to do it (for now) then that's up to her. If you fancy going with her then you can.