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AIBU?

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Single mum - the internet making me feel terrible about myself

36 replies

PixieColou · 23/03/2025 22:17

Hi all. I’m 32 and a single mum of two. No dad on the scene and this has always been the case. That was their choices. I’m not a huge user of social media, but recently I’ve noticed so much hate aimed towards single mother’s (not father’s, infact, I’ve seen posts saying single father’s statistically do a better job than single mother’s, bla bla bla). The “funny” memes are endless, the comments are unbelievable. Mostly from blokes describing themselves as “high value” and talking about how ladies in my position are bottom of the pile. I’m aware of how algorithms work, and the more I clicked on these types of posts, the more they come up. I now hide them from my feed, but some still manage to find their way in. I never noticed these types of posts when my eldest was a tot (she’s now nearly 11) and infact, I’ve only ever received praise about what a great job I’m doing in the past, including from guys. Is this a rise in all the ‘red pill’ nonsense? I try not to let it but it does get me down. I’m a good mum, my children are my everything, my bills are paid, I don’t drink or do drugs, I’m not promiscuous, I’m a good friend etc. Although I’m not actively dating and never have tbh, I suppose there is a little part of me that hopes to find love someday. These comments are so off putting though that it makes me want to stay single forever to protect myself and makes me feel like nobody would want me anyway. Sorry that this is quite rambling. I suppose I’ve always carried a slight bit of shame that I don’t have the “traditional” set up, and I never knew that people would be so mean behind a keyboard.

OP posts:
Flipslop · 23/03/2025 22:36

Chances are we are all going to start seeing this content too now 🙈
but nope I’ve never really seen that stuff on my thread
up your game and be mindful about what you look at on social media. As it creates and echo chamber for us all it may as well be a nice one!

Regretsmorethanafew · 23/03/2025 22:35

I don't see such content. Maybe stop looking for it?

After having a baby without a dad, how did you come to have another same way?

Maitri108 · 23/03/2025 22:33

According to some men, women cannot do anything right. I'm not sure why you're taking the rambling of misogynist strangers to heart but they're best ignored.

It's some dysfunctional arse, living in his mum's basement at 42, with one hand around his penis. He's banging the keyboard between bites of KFC and catching flies.

SnoopyPajamas · 23/03/2025 22:31

Do you have twins, or has it happened twice that a man left you holding the baby? That's awful. I'm sorry, OP.

I think the hurt about this is the real reason all the internet stuff is getting to you. I can't say I've noticed a massive rise in hate for single mothers online, but like you say, the algorithm will drive more of that content to you if you're engaging with it. I think you're poking at an open wound, tbh. The last part of your post, about being scared to date because you think no-one will want you, is the part that jumped out at me. That's coming from your real life experience, not what some silly twat on the internet says. You know you're doing a good job, but I get the sense you don't think you have a lot to offer. I think you need to build up your confidence a bit more 🌺

Itsabingthingfubing · 23/03/2025 22:28

Since becoming a mother myself I have mega-respect for single mothers. I get a small taste of it when my husband works away for weeks at a time occasionally. I really struggle and limp over the finish line (not saying my situation is the same as being a single mother at all but I don't know if I'd appreciate how hard it is without that little bit of insight!) I have seen bits of what you describe online but I also see a lot of content creators online who are single mothers and basically showing the world how amazing they can be and what they can achieve. I'd really recommend finding some creators (if you use TikTok/Instagram etc that is!) to whom you can really relate. I have found that so helpful when dealing with my own stuff.

GailTheSnail · 23/03/2025 22:26

The sort of men who talk about women disrespectfully because they are single mums are absolute A holes and would use any excuse to be misogynistic. Im not a single mum but have seen shit like that on social media and it's a weird misogynistic take i don't care for

GoldenCookie · 23/03/2025 22:26

I’m glad you posted this as I keep getting the same too, I did post on a single parents group to ask if anyone gets the same but they all claimed they didn’t. It’s literally constant on mine and all the comments from men slating single mums.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 23/03/2025 22:25

Yanbu there is a growing movement against single mums (not single dads of course)

It's pissed me off, and i block anyone i see apeaking negatively about single mums

Ive noticed it in the world too though. We're moving backwards as a society, and single mums and single mums of kids with autism and adhd are the new target of abuse.

ExtraOnions · 23/03/2025 22:25

Andrew Tate misogynistic bullshit … just stop looking at it. There are so many other things to look at, cats, dogs, say yes to the dress, cooking ..absolutely everything is out there. Stop choosing to read and interact with stuff that is no good for you.

Take ownership over what you are looking at, and decide not to.

Orangeandgold · 23/03/2025 22:23

I’ve not seen this kind of content. Infact I’m seeing the opposite because women are becoming so independent that there is a rise in the number of women who are choosing to be single parents if they don’t meet the right man but still want children.

I don’t really know what to say apart from get off social media and do some work on changing your algorithms by really being intentional about what you are looking for online. You will easily find a positive community of single mums online if you look for it.

I mean people will have their opinions - it’s only recently that single mums are given the praise they deserve. I’m a single mum and I faced awkwardness in the school playground - I find that worse that social media! But 10+ years later my daughter is amazing and I really couldn’t care less because I’m living a life I love and have a good kid.

There are plenty of children in 2 parent families that struggle too. Families are not perfect. But as long as you keep taking care of yours, ignore everyone else x

audweb · 23/03/2025 22:21

I’ve been a single parent for years. I care not what wider social media says, honestly, I refuse to let any stigma get in my head. I’m raising my kid well, and I especially place no weight on men that suggest some women are high value and others not. I’m not even sure what that means - all humans have value. Ignore the nonsense.