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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can no longer be arsed with this person…

380 replies

CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:13

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

OP posts:
MrsRedTop · 23/03/2025 22:02

I feel for you OP. There’s a woman I work with one day a week and I really dislike having to deal with her. I like to go in early, get a head start on my shift and enjoy some peaceful time with the animals we work with before it gets busy. But she comes in early too just to talk at me about whatever’s been upsetting her this week. I’ve tried saying hello and going to a different part of the building but she just follows me around, talking at me about her problems. She never asks me any questions about myself and has no interest in anything I have to say. Whilst she’s not a bad person, she’s a total narcissist and mood hoover. I wish I could tell her that I have zero interest in listening to her self inflicted problems, but she’d turn it another drama and I’d be accused of being a heartless bitch. Don’t apologise. You’ve nothing to apologise for. I’d just be polite but distant when dealing with the woman in the future.

thenightsky · 23/03/2025 22:02

MagpiePi · 23/03/2025 21:59

Surely the response to ‘do you need an adult to help you?’ is ‘yes, could you go and find one for me?’

Yes, I'd probably go with that sort of thing. Light hearted banter from OP, obviously. I don't understand why PPs don't understand that.

LollyLand · 23/03/2025 22:00

She sounds vulnerable or unwell. Is she getting support? Maybe she feels bullied at work.

Megirlan123 · 23/03/2025 22:00

Huge overreaction on her part.

I wouldn’t be offended with your joke but I don’t think it’s funny either.

However, you did upset her, although yes it was unintentional. I would lightly apologise to clear the air then I’d keep my distance.

MagpiePi · 23/03/2025 21:59

Surely the response to ‘do you need an adult to help you?’ is ‘yes, could you go and find one for me?’

IMissSparkling · 23/03/2025 21:56

She sounds like hard work but what you said to her wasn't funny. If you'd said that to me in the workplace my reaction would be best expressed as: 🤨🤬.

VapeHelp · 23/03/2025 21:54

BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner · 23/03/2025 21:50

I genuinely would laugh if someone said that to me. In fact I'd probably retort some quip back.

I'm quite a light hearted, jokey person though. Clearly the fun police are out tonight. Don't overthink it OP, it really isn't offensive, unless you're easily offended

Show quote history

Same here. Obviously it wasn’t meant to be a joke joke, just a lighthearted interaction between two people.

OP I wouldn’t apologise, and I’d secretly hope she never spoke to me again. Gotta be careful of people like that though, they’re usually the first to go crying to HR. Ignore her drama and keep it strictly civil.

Original poster
CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:52

BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner · 23/03/2025 21:50

I genuinely would laugh if someone said that to me. In fact I'd probably retort some quip back.

I'm quite a light hearted, jokey person though. Clearly the fun police are out tonight. Don't overthink it OP, it really isn't offensive, unless you're easily offended

Show quote history

Thank you!… I’m lighthearted too and don’t make much drama or take offence easily… unlike people on here.

OP posts:
BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner · 23/03/2025 21:50

CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:48

Fuck sake 🙄

I genuinely would laugh if someone said that to me. In fact I'd probably retort some quip back.

I'm quite a light hearted, jokey person though. Clearly the fun police are out tonight. Don't overthink it OP, it really isn't offensive, unless you're easily offended

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 23/03/2025 21:50

Is the joke funny because you work with children who often need help opening the door

I could imagine it being an inside joke in that kind of context but not getting it otherwise?

Maybe avoid using your jokes with her if you know she can be a bit sensitive.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 23/03/2025 21:49

Well the "joke" was far from funny & obviously offensive
Therefore you should apologise

But I can't stand drama queen's so would just not engage with her moving forward

Original poster
CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:48

Fuck sake 🙄

OP posts:
Justhere65 · 23/03/2025 21:47

I don’t find the joke funny and think it is inappropriate at work. Her reaction though makes me think there is more going on for her.

Original poster
CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:47

JLou08 · 23/03/2025 21:41

I think what you said was quite patronising, definitely not a joke I have heard. I'm not easily offended and open to banter but you know this woman isn't so why did you say it? I wonder if she ran of crying because she is actually being bullied by you and your colleagues.

It’s obviously patronising if you say it about an actual task with a level of understanding. I would never say it about for example tasks within the job role. The point of the joke is that you say it about THE most basic task, such as opening a door, or switching a light on…. Because the struggle is often funny itself.

OP posts:
Sherararara · 23/03/2025 21:44

Please share some more examples of your jokes.

Itsjustgonenoonhalfpastmonsoon · 23/03/2025 21:43

She does sound high maintenance. What is she like when she has her appraisal? Tissues at the ready I suppose.

At one time a colleague joked to me that I was “really feeble, you can’t even open a drawer” when I was trying to open said drawer. It still makes me laugh to remember it. 🤣

Btw, the phrase “drama llama” makes me laugh too. 🤣

Thestarsinthesky · 23/03/2025 21:42

Hmm she sounds like someone to avoid …. But I don’t think the joke was funny… it could be mildly offensive and more likely to pee me off! and if you don’t know her well it’s a bit patronising. If someone random said that to me I’d find it strange! But everyone’s humour is different.

JLou08 · 23/03/2025 21:41

I think what you said was quite patronising, definitely not a joke I have heard. I'm not easily offended and open to banter but you know this woman isn't so why did you say it? I wonder if she ran of crying because she is actually being bullied by you and your colleagues.

Continuewithfacebook · 23/03/2025 21:39

I also don't find the joke funny but she sounds insufferable. If her emotional unpredictability is impacting the workplace, it's not just your problem, it's a management issue. Worth keeping strong boundaries with her. You can be civil without being drawn in.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/03/2025 21:35

Keep conversations with her to a minium, it is awful walking on eggshells, trying to gauge the mood.

If there is another incident, completely ignore her.

BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner · 23/03/2025 21:32

You won't win with this personality type. She's either ridiculously highly strung, emotionally immature or just a complete drama lama.

Don't apologise. Be bright and breezy and your normal self. Say hello to her and treat her the same as all your other colleagues when all together.

Don't feed the drama. Only broach it if she's grown up enough to state that you upset her. Then you can retort with "oh? Ok. That was a lighthearted joke. I'm sorry you took it offensively. That wasn't my Intention. Cuppa?"

Let the problem stay with her. And avoid any conversation with her that doesn't focus on work

Original poster
CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:26

SallyWD · 23/03/2025 21:23

She sounds exhausting and I wouldn't be arsed with her either. However, I've never heard the apparently well known joke "Would you like an adult to help you." I think if someone said that to me I'd feel mildly offended and think they were implying I was an incompetent child. It seems an odd thing to say.

That’s the point. The joke is that you can’t do a very simple task, such as open a door. Which is ridiculous as you obviously can, being an adult. Just not in that moment, through no fault of your own.

OP posts:
Original poster
CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:25

Maitri108 · 23/03/2025 21:22

I wouldn't find that particularly funny but running away crying is an overreaction.

Something is obviously going on for her but I wouldn't have the patience for it either. I wouldn't apologize and I wouldn't attempt any more jokes. I'd just be polite and leave her to it.

This is what I’m thinking. Just professional and brief

OP posts:
BurntBanana · 23/03/2025 21:24

Well if people start avoiding her maybe she’ll take the hint.

Original poster
CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:24

Silvertulips · 23/03/2025 21:22

Oh god, we have one of these too. Too much emotion dragged into work. No need.

FED up of focusing on the drama Lamas.

come in, do a good job and go enjoy your life outside.

Absolutely!… I understand that people have things going on outside of work. We ALL do! And sometimes that can spill over.

But it’s every other week with her.

OP posts: