Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Entitled kids - what do I need to understand?

66 replies

OudAndRose · 23/03/2025 20:49

For context, I am childfree so not always sure what normal expectations are for kids because I have limited frame of reference.

I have two nieces by my sister, age 6 and 9. They are the only kids in the family and get lots of attention and spoiling (but nothing excessive) as a result. In the last year or so they have become really entitled imo. They never say thank you for gifts, treats, trips out or effort made for them, and they will openly ask for things they want from me and other family members. Last weekend I went over for the 9 yo's birthday and took gifts and cupcakes for her, and she didn't say thank you, even after prompting. She asked for her present as soon as she saw me and then didn't engage after that. At Christmas I gave her little sister a gift worth about £50 and a card. She opened the gift and then asked me if there was money inside the card (there wasn't!). Other times I have seen them recently they always ask me for things - treats, toys that they see and want - and at the same time are quite dismissive of me.

There are lots of little behaviours like this and it's really putting me off spending time with them, but I feel like as an adult I should rise above it because they can't be expected to know better - just wondering if others would agree, or expect more of them? None of my friends' kids behave like this - they aren't angels but they are always grateful for any gifts, treats etc., and if they aren't their parents are mortified, whereas my sister and BIL never really notice or pull my nieces up on this.

YABU - all kids do this kind of thing at some point, don't overthink it
YANBU - it's rude and not the norm

OP posts:
Original poster
OudAndRose · 23/03/2025 21:18

Bushmillsbabe · 23/03/2025 21:06

My girls are 5 and 9, and if they behaved like this there would be no presents. They grow up with everything they could need, so don't always understand the cost of things, but are very aware to say please, thank you, would never ask anyone but us for anything.
They need a lesson in gratitude 'ask doesn't get'.

I do find manners among children, particularly very well off ones, seem to have deteriorated. I run a girl guides group and some are very demanding and look shocked when I suggest to them that they might need to wait for something, or share. or they can't have exactly their own way. They aren't intentionally unkind or entitled, but have clearly been brought up with a very different set of expectations , we take them away for a couple of nights a few times a year, and they have to help with basic chores, share, take turns etc, and by the end of the weekend there is a clear positive behaviour shift, it just takes clear boundaries.

Edited

Yes, i was wondering whether it had to do with being part of the 'instant gratification' generation but from the responses on here it seems I am clutching at straws with that idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
OudAndRose · 23/03/2025 21:13

WinterSun20 · 23/03/2025 21:10

Children that age are really the product of the parenting they've received when it comes to stuff like this. So in that sense, it's not their 'fault', however I appreciate that doesn't make them more appealing to be around when they behave that way. It's totally normal to be put off by this kind of behaviour though and just because they're your nieces doesn't change that. That's why it's a failing on their parents, their kid's behaviour will put off their mates parents and eventually their mates off them. They've done them a disservice sadly.

I'm actually not sure they are like this to everyone. They seem to see me as someone to buy them stuff but I don't know whether they are the same to others.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 23/03/2025 21:12

Sister and BIL are the ones at fault here.

MesmerisingMuon · 23/03/2025 21:12

It's VERY rude not to say thank you.

Next time I'd sponsor a donkey on her behalf or just give a card.

If your sister asks why then state that as she didn't seem to like the gifts in precious years as she didn't say thank you, you didn't see the point of buying her something she clearly didn't want.

Original poster
OudAndRose · 23/03/2025 21:12

AMouseThereOnTheStair · 23/03/2025 21:07

I’d stop buying them things as they clearly don’t appreciate it. I’ve got nieces and nephews ranging from ten to twenty one and none of them have ever said things like ‘is there any money in the card’. They have always all said thank you.

Yours seem to have started to associate you with presents rather than seeing you as a person. Their parents are to blame.

Yes, this is what I wonder as well - it makes me wonder how I am spoken about behind the scenes.

FWIW I do pull them up on it, but it doesn't make much difference. I have lately mentioned it to my sister and she occasionally tells them now to say thank you but she isn't very convincing and the behaviour is well established now. It has to have come from somewhere.

I do feel as though I am not a person to them and it's quite sad. I just wasn't sure it was legitimate to feel that way or something I should be able to rise above as I am the adult here.

OP posts:
WinterSun20 · 23/03/2025 21:10

Children that age are really the product of the parenting they've received when it comes to stuff like this. So in that sense, it's not their 'fault', however I appreciate that doesn't make them more appealing to be around when they behave that way. It's totally normal to be put off by this kind of behaviour though and just because they're your nieces doesn't change that. That's why it's a failing on their parents, their kid's behaviour will put off their mates parents and eventually their mates off them. They've done them a disservice sadly.

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 23/03/2025 21:08

It’s the parents, the kids don’t know any better because they haven’t been taught to say thank you and not to take gifts for granted.

AMouseThereOnTheStair · 23/03/2025 21:07

I’d stop buying them things as they clearly don’t appreciate it. I’ve got nieces and nephews ranging from ten to twenty one and none of them have ever said things like ‘is there any money in the card’. They have always all said thank you.

Yours seem to have started to associate you with presents rather than seeing you as a person. Their parents are to blame.

Bushmillsbabe · 23/03/2025 21:06

My girls are 5 and 9, and if they behaved like this there would be no presents. They grow up with everything they could need, so don't always understand the cost of things, but are very aware to say please, thank you, would never ask anyone but us for anything.
They need a lesson in gratitude 'ask doesn't get'.

I do find manners among children, particularly very well off ones, seem to have deteriorated. I run a girl guides group and some are very demanding and look shocked when I suggest to them that they might need to wait for something, or share. or they can't have exactly their own way. They aren't intentionally unkind or entitled, but have clearly been brought up with a very different set of expectations , we take them away for a couple of nights a few times a year, and they have to help with basic chores, share, take turns etc, and by the end of the weekend there is a clear positive behaviour shift, it just takes clear boundaries.

Anonym00se · 23/03/2025 21:04

I wouldn’t think twice about saying something if it were my nieces. “It’s rude to ask”, or in response to being asked if there was money in the card I’d tell them that they were being rude expecting money as well as an expensive present.

Flomingho · 23/03/2025 21:02

The parents should be reminding the children to remember their manners.

PurpleDiva22 · 23/03/2025 21:02

my sister and BIL never really notice or pull my nieces up on this.

There's your problem right there! They'll never be any different if they aren't corrected. You are in for a lifetime of this shit! We don't let our 2 year old away without saying thank you!

Newtess · 23/03/2025 21:00

Not all dc are like this. Plenty are though. Depends on the parents I think maybe.

Tittibits · 23/03/2025 20:59

Stop giving them things and explain why.

mathanxiety · 23/03/2025 20:56

Your sister has massively failed as a parent.

BodenCardiganNot · 23/03/2025 20:53

The issue is with your sister and your brother in law. How can their young daughters be expected to know how to behave if they have crap parents.

Swipe left for the next trending thread