Entitled kids - what do I need to understand?

It sounds as if you don't have much of a relationship with them - they view you as the source of "stuff" rather than someone who spends time with them and invests in them in that way.

If you care about them, I would definitely pull back on the presents and stuff, but instead focus on experiences you do together. Take them out to a cafe, offer their parents to help them with homework, take them to their clubs once in a while, make pizza or bake with them. When you know and love the child, you can overlook the bad manners to some extent and just gently correct them and model good behaviour as far as you can and hopefully some of it sinks in. But without that bond and without the parents doing their bit to promote good manners, the influence you can have is limited.

I agree with all PP. your sister should not be condoning this behaviour.

No all kids arnt like this - but sadly more and more are not given boundaries and are becoming like this.

If you do buy them anything again, I would suggest an experience you can do together, so you’re building a relationship beyond one that they sadly see as transactional.

Kids can be self centred at that age by nature, but their parents should be correcting them/raising their awareness. I am more than happy for my nieces and nephews to ask for treats etc. at our house as they get more than at home (as ours do in their homes) because it’s special time together, but I also expect them to accept a no and behave with respect to everyone.

Looking back at my nieces and nephews when they were young — and before i had kids - i was sometimes horrified at their behaviour! Their parents were good but a bit chilled about it all.

They are aged 16 - 30 years now and all well adjusted lovely people. When my own children are acting like horrors now, it helps me to keep things in perspective - knowing they will grow up and mature.

My kids sometimes acted like this with people they felt vert familiar with. They are older now and well mannered- it took them time to learn all the social niceties. Their behaviour could sometimes be lovely- sometimes be awful!

On mumsnet the reaction to behaviour like this can be a bit over the top at times. Many kids are not perfect while young - and most turn out ok despite that.

In my experience kids are naturally quite grabby and can see adult family members as a source of presents. Parents do have constantly reinforce the need for appreciation and thank yous.

It sounds like your nieces are being spoilt. I'd start only giving a book or putting a small amount of money in their account. I do that for my nephews just because they do have so much stuff.

All children can be ungrateful little shits sometimes. That’s why they have parents or adults to check them. This is an issue with the parents, the 9 year old can’t really help it. I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and when my oldest niece was born she was the first baby in the family. She could be a right spoiled brat at times. Not her fault, it was my brother and SILs fault, my parents fault, and even a bit mine. We were all over indulgent with her. It took a whole family effort to nip it in the bud. She is very polite and nice now, as are the other kids, but it did take time, and she threw some horrific tantrums. To unspoil a young child is genuinely very difficult, but possible, but it has to be your brother and SIL who lay the foundations.

Spending time with spoilt rude nieces and nephews is awful. I have two kids the same age as your nieces and mine would never be so rude and entitled. You should say something to your sister like “I won’t be doing presents anymore as they aren’t appreciated”. I always call out rude behaviour from young family members, the kids suffer in the long run if no one does it.

Their behaviour is rude and it’s the product of poor parenting.

They are treating you like a bank, not an Aunt.

I would have been mortified if my DS had behaved like this and there would have been swift repercussions.

However, there was never a need as instilling good manners was (to DH and myself) an important part of good parenting.

I’d have a word with your sister and let her know how poorly their behaviour reflects on her. I’d also be clear that unless they start treating you a person rather than a cash point then the gifts will stop.

IME the vast majority of children at that age do not behave like this and even if they did why on earth would you want yours to be part of that cohort?

I think it’s always difficult to say something when it comes to other people’s children, even if they’re family. We tend to allow things we normally wouldn’t.

I had a rule that the kids didn’t get gifts on arrival, they came out after we had made small take, made tea etc, and then gifts handed over. Asking for gifts in itself is rude.

My 2.5 year old knows when to say please and thank you without prompt. These are just spoiled and rude kids unfortunately let down by their parents. Parents have to set the example

Do they see you very often? I find that children often end up associating certain relatives with gifts because it is the only time that they visit. It doesn't make it excusable at all and the parents are at fault, but I can see how children that have a distant relationship with a relative that only visits at gift-giving occasions may develop that association and obviously not be too fussed/excited to see the relative that they do not know well. It doesn't make it right.

This was my friends kid

Spoilt rotten as he was her first and the first grandchild

I once gave him a birthday present,he unwrapped it,gave me a filthy look,sneared at me and said snarled 'That's it?nothing else?' before throwing it in the massive pile of other presents

His mother ignored him and the rest of the family didn't give a fuck-they thought it was funny

It realy ramped up once he had cousins and sisters to contend with-he was even more spoilt to make up for the fact he wasn't the first anymore

One of his cousins was even worse-she was really bad mannered and even more spoilt-she's still a nasty brat as an adult

He's now 25 and can't hold down a job because of his attitude and bad manners

I lost interest in the friendship a few years ago because of him and his spolit sisters-the mother had the nerve to have a go at me every single time one of mine didn't come up to her high standards but was incapable of doing the same with her own kids-my own kids had to come first,so I moved away

This is so rude, parents need to install the pleases & thank yous. My son always did this & I ensured he wrote thank you notes as I feel this makes the child revisit & remember who bought them what. It's just good manners!

This is a parenting issue, I honestly don’t think it’s the norm at all. Most children tend to be very appreciative of gifts, whether they already have lots of things or not.

My DD has a cousin like that. She’s an only child and also only grandchild on her father’s side and was so spoiled she was just an unpleasant child to be around. Maybe she grew out of it by now (we’ve moved away so hardly see them) but the fault was squarely on the parents.

Ugh our nephews are like this. We bought one of them a very expensive Christmas present (big noisy car related) a couple of years ago, he tore it open, looked at it briefly, then asked what else we had for him. SIL barely noticed, and since then we have purchased much smaller gifts for them as they are rude and ungrateful. Huge parenting fail.

"I want doesn't get"

Next birthday/christmas make a donation in their name to a children's charity. And tell them their lack of genuine gratitude clearly means they want for nothing, so isn't it nice to give to those who have less?