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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it cheap not to cater?

464 replies

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:12

it’s a significant birthday and a function room is being hired out 4-6pm for around 40 guests then afterwards carrying on in nearby (nice) pubs. The function room place serves food as do a few nearby pubs.

Does the event need catered (a buffet)?

Yes - YABU
No - YANBU

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:32

Darkclothes · 23/03/2025 23:14

If it was me I’d have arranged a big lunch somewhere at 2pm or so all together and then just gone on the drink reserving tables in the first couple of pubs. Which wouldn’t be me spending any more money which is what led to be posting.

So you ARE are tight as your 'friend' then OP.😆

No one could accuse me of being a tight host. I’m confident of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:32

NewMoonred · 23/03/2025 23:12

After the first pub(functional room) what are the chances of getting a table in all of the pubs?
All the pubs in my local town centre, no chance of a table. When adult children go to Wetherspoons they stay at the table they have and just order food and drinks.
At least the taxi will be easier to book for getting there.
You must have quiet pubs where you are unless it’s midweek.

We’ll get a table easily at 6pm. We won’t get 40 seats next to each other, but some will sit, some stand, as other people leave people will jump on their tables. I wouldn’t fancy organising it but it’s fine. Worst that’ll happen is groups will separate as the night goes on.

And of the 40, there are grandparents, pregnant women, aunts and uncles who won’t come out afterwards or not for long. We’ll likely go downstairs for another hour, a huge, old bar for another hour, and by the time we’re past food serving times and onto really busy bars the numbers will be well depleted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:26

Hayley1256 · 23/03/2025 23:09

I would do this, I'd stay for the function bit, then maybe have a drink at the next place then go to whatever resturant/pub I had pre-booked. If I had other friends there I would invite them too. No way would I eat at a weatherspoons and there's a risk you may not be able to get a seat at some of the other pubs to sit down and eat. I would see this 'party ' as a stop off then go out for a nice dinner

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If you wouldn’t eat at Wetherspoons you wouldn’t make the guest list anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:25

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 23:07

Do it then!! It would be a lovely surprise for her!!

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It wouldn’t - she’d think it would be passive aggressive and suggesting she was cheap to not have done it. Which to be fair, it would be.

OP posts:
DeepRoseFish · 23/03/2025 23:24

OP I’m not sure your idea of a pub crawl is quite right. It’s usually alcohol not food being consumed.

VivX · 23/03/2025 23:24

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:18

If I’d said my friend was having a 40th celebration and had booked afternoon tea and complimentary champagne in a private room at the Ritz from 4-6pm because she wasn’t much of a party girl, I wouldn’t be told it was a kids’ party time. I dare say people would say it sounds nice.

People can celebrate whenever they want, whatever, but put sandwiches and pickled onions on.

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That's because:
a. 4-6pm is afternoon tea time.
b. 4-6pm is not a usual time to kick off a pub crawl.
c. there's actual food and drink provided in this example.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:23

friendlycat · 23/03/2025 23:05

Then why on earth start at 4pm in the afternoon with a function room with no catering or free bar as a precursor to the evening ahead?

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I think she wants to make the most of it. I don’t have any problem with afternoon drinks which go on long into the night. I do have a problem with the lack of buffet.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 23/03/2025 23:22

I've done a fortieth meal for a big group at a hotel. Guests pre ordered the menu choices. Paid for their own meal. Hosts paid for all the drinks. After eating people opted to stay at the hotel for the rest of the evening rather than pub crawl in town.

friendlycat · 23/03/2025 23:21

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:18

If I’d said my friend was having a 40th celebration and had booked afternoon tea and complimentary champagne in a private room at the Ritz from 4-6pm because she wasn’t much of a party girl, I wouldn’t be told it was a kids’ party time. I dare say people would say it sounds nice.

People can celebrate whenever they want, whatever, but put sandwiches and pickled onions on.

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Yes but afternoon tea is just that. A drinks part is normally 6pm until 8pm. This timing is just odd especially given that it’s presumed to have a pub crawl afterwards. I would expect a later start time.

DeepRoseFish · 23/03/2025 23:19

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 22:59

You just order food at whatever pub you’re in, and then you eat it. It’s not clubbing, it’s going to different pubs.

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Yes but food takes a while to arrive and to get eaten. It’s a pub crawl. Surely you’ll get left behind?!

And how awkward to all be eating at different times.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:18

Franjipanl8r · 23/03/2025 22:55

The question should be “why is there a party between 4-6pm”. It’s impossible to answer the food question because the party time itself is so odd.

4pm-6pm is a kids party time.

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If I’d said my friend was having a 40th celebration and had booked afternoon tea and complimentary champagne in a private room at the Ritz from 4-6pm because she wasn’t much of a party girl, I wouldn’t be told it was a kids’ party time. I dare say people would say it sounds nice.

People can celebrate whenever they want, whatever, but put sandwiches and pickled onions on.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 23/03/2025 23:16

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:10

I don’t think she should need to think about other people’s babysitting arrangements, to be fair.

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No but shouldn't be disappointed if they can't manage the hired room time because the children need to be fed, pyjamas and ready for bed. And the babysitter needs a lift home. There's only so much cola you can drink. 🤣

Ugh it's just too big a headache.

friendlycat · 23/03/2025 23:15

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:10

The plan will be to drink and mingle.

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The problem is that in booking a function room for drinking and mingling is that the expectation is that there’s normally catering and a free bar. Or at least catering. It’s just the way it is. Most people don’t book a function room and invite guests without some form of food at least.

Literally everyone on this thread thinks it’s strange.

3Hawks9 · 23/03/2025 23:15

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:04

I don’t get why anyone would accept the invitation, knowing what it is, and then choose to go and eat in the Indians next door to the Wetherspoons everyone else, including the birthday girl, is in.

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Because if everyone turns up at different times/no one takes charge of starting a good order people will wait for someone else to order first. Then it's getting later in the 2 hour slot and you risk everyone else leaving to go to pub crawl before you've finished eating. Then at each pub you won't stay for long as it's a pub crawl so again the risk of being separated from the group if you order food. Why do that when you can show your face, wish her happy birthday then go get dinner either eating out somewhere else or going home for dinner? Or when you can have dinner at home then meet up for the pub crawl?

Darkclothes · 23/03/2025 23:14

If it was me I’d have arranged a big lunch somewhere at 2pm or so all together and then just gone on the drink reserving tables in the first couple of pubs. Which wouldn’t be me spending any more money which is what led to be posting.

So you ARE are tight as your 'friend' then OP.😆

NewMoonred · 23/03/2025 23:12

After the first pub(functional room) what are the chances of getting a table in all of the pubs?
All the pubs in my local town centre, no chance of a table. When adult children go to Wetherspoons they stay at the table they have and just order food and drinks.
At least the taxi will be easier to book for getting there.
You must have quiet pubs where you are unless it’s midweek.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:10

Topsyturvy78 · 23/03/2025 22:55

Why bother booking a function room for 2 hours if your not providing food? At least put some canapes and nibbles on. I can't see many wanting to come. What do you plan on doing for two hours? It's an odd time for an adult birthday celebration.

The plan will be to drink and mingle.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:10

justasking111 · 23/03/2025 22:53

There's also the problem of babysitters for some I suspect. With the strange hours of the event.

I don’t think she should need to think about other people’s babysitting arrangements, to be fair.

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 23/03/2025 23:09

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:04

I don’t get why anyone would accept the invitation, knowing what it is, and then choose to go and eat in the Indians next door to the Wetherspoons everyone else, including the birthday girl, is in.

Show quote history

I would do this, I'd stay for the function bit, then maybe have a drink at the next place then go to whatever resturant/pub I had pre-booked. If I had other friends there I would invite them too. No way would I eat at a weatherspoons and there's a risk you may not be able to get a seat at some of the other pubs to sit down and eat. I would see this 'party ' as a stop off then go out for a nice dinner

TheBunnyLover · 23/03/2025 23:08

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 22:55

I think I’m maybe too fixated on serving food. I can’t imagine hosting and not serving people food. I’d be mortified if it ever ran out. Maybe it’s just me.

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Even having done what i did, I was reasonably mortified that some of my city-living friends were affonted that no takeaways open once we got back! Yes I had things to give them, but they were used to being able to use justeat. I'm not rural but in a village where things close at midnight. So I understand somewhat the 'feeling mortified'. It's just a matter of wanting to make sure people are okay. You can't please everyone ever but not even trying is quite different!

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:08

friendlycat · 23/03/2025 22:52

Then what will happen if you think that the majority are going to come to this bit is that they will then drift off afterwards and go their separate ways. A few will come to the next venue but you aren’t going to get everyone who has gathered in a function room to then join a pub crawl if they’ve already bought their own drinks and no food.

It’s odd timing as well. 6.30pm meet up ok but 4pm is not really the timeframe for a precursor for a pub crawl as someone else has said.

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Buying 40 people their drinks on your birthday isn’t really any sort of expectation in our circle.

OP posts:
Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 23:07

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:05

Happily!

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Do it then!! It would be a lovely surprise for her!!

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:05

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 22:50

Can't some of you club together to put on a bit of a spread?

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Happily!

OP posts:
friendlycat · 23/03/2025 23:05

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:03

It’ll be carrying on at 5am. I’d put money on it.

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Then why on earth start at 4pm in the afternoon with a function room with no catering or free bar as a precursor to the evening ahead?

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:04

Annascaul · 23/03/2025 22:45

But it’s her cheapness that will encourage her guests to act like this!
What aren’t you getting??

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I don’t get why anyone would accept the invitation, knowing what it is, and then choose to go and eat in the Indians next door to the Wetherspoons everyone else, including the birthday girl, is in.

OP posts: