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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it cheap not to cater?

464 replies

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:12

it’s a significant birthday and a function room is being hired out 4-6pm for around 40 guests then afterwards carrying on in nearby (nice) pubs. The function room place serves food as do a few nearby pubs.

Does the event need catered (a buffet)?

Yes - YABU
No - YANBU

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:39

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 20:32

Who is organising this event? You don't sound too sure what is happening

Show quote history

A friend of mine. I do know what’s happening - she’s hired a function room between 4pm and 6pm and then afterwards we’re heading to another nearby bar and so on. There is no food but you can order at the bar.

She’s a friend of almost 35 years so I didn’t want to be too harsh in the OP and tried to be vague, but I can’t believe she’s not having any food. I live quite far away so checked what time the buffet would be out to work out whether to have a late lunch or whatever, and she said there is no food, but did, rightly, remind me it had said so on the invitation.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 23/03/2025 20:37

scrap the function part as it doesn’t actually seem to serve any kind of function. Just do the pub bit. Or if you’re a guest, I’d just attend the pub crawl bit.
At least people have been told in advance that there’s no food!

SleepingisanArt · 23/03/2025 20:37

Recipe for idiotic drunk people.... So lunch at normal time (say 1pm) then no food but alcohol from 4 - 6pm with the expectation of more drinking (still no food) to follow? You need food to help your body cope with the alcohol - this 'party' sounds like a student pub crawl event in freshers week!

HoldingTheDoor · 23/03/2025 20:37

Imsodepressediactlikeitsmybirthday · 23/03/2025 20:15

Inviting guests and not feeding them is beyond odd in my book.

I agree. Feeding guests(Regardless of the time) is just a basic part of hosting imo. It’s not optional imo.

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 20:37

Bjorkdidit · 23/03/2025 20:34

Well they'd have lunch at lunchtime and then want dinner from around 6. Which makes the gathering seem a bit odd and pointless. Most people would expect it to start at 7 with the buffet, which would be in lieu of dinner. open from about 7.30/8.

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Yes it's very strange. No one is going to have lunch and then dinner before 4 pm. I don't think this has been thought out!!

Floatlikeafeather2 · 23/03/2025 20:36

I still don't understand the function room part. What are you hiring it for? What will people be doing for those 2 hours. Just sitting around in a hired hall for 2 hours would feel anything but festive if there wasn't even a drink or a few crisps to occupy yourself with.

arcticpandas · 23/03/2025 20:35

Atleast have some nibbles and drinks there... and a cake. If not..why bother? People will definitely expect it. Personally I would not eat anything btw 4-6 but I would be miffed not being offered something to drink.

Hayley1256 · 23/03/2025 20:35

People are going to be hungry! No ones going to have dinner before 4 and they probs last ate at lunch. Wouldn't you be better hiring the function room from 7pm? If a party starts at 4 you at least need to provide sandwiches etc

BleachedJumper · 23/03/2025 20:35

I think the night will naturally thin out quite quickly, so that part of the plan will work well.

What significant birthday is it? I could imagine a young behaving 30 year old maybe thinking it’s appropriate planning, but most adults I know have attended significant birthdays before and know how they operate.

Anonym00se · 23/03/2025 20:34

I’m sorry but I think that is cheeky fuckery. You’ll put up decorations on the pretence of it being a party, everyone will turn up with gifts having not eaten and then they’ll be told it’s not actually a party but just a pub crawl and if they want any dinner they’ll have to buy their own.

It’s like inviting everyone to your house for a party and when they turn up you tell them there isn’t a party, relieve them of their gift and shut the door in their face! It’s preposterous.

Bjorkdidit · 23/03/2025 20:34

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 20:29

Eat before 4pm??

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Well they'd have lunch at lunchtime and then want dinner from around 6. Which makes the gathering seem a bit odd and pointless. Most people would expect it to start at 7 with the buffet, which would be in lieu of dinner. open from about 7.30/8.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:33

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 20:29

Eat before 4pm??

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Yes. Well before, given 4 is the starting time.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 23/03/2025 20:32

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:29

I think it’s expected that some will only call into the function room part and numbers will continue to thin until it’s very late and there’s a hardcore group left. I think the idea after the function room is ‘the Cross next’ and that’ll be another couple of hours. But yes, eventually there is an inevitability that people will get split up.

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You can't just expect 40 folk to stroll up to a pub un announced particularly at a weekend

Can you not just book the function suite from 7pm and have a proper party

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:32

Darkclothes · 23/03/2025 20:26

What is the purpose of hiring the room at all? What exactly are you planning on doing in those 2hrs? Playing chess, twister, pass-the-parcel??? 😕

Make it VERY clear on the invites, that ALL food and drinks need to be purchased by the 'guests' and that NO gifts are expected.

IMO- If you can't afford the event, then cut numbers so you are at least providing a 1st round/cake/nibbles or something.

I would love it if it was twister or pass the parcel.

It has been made clear to bring no gifts and that there is no food.

OP posts:
Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 20:32

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:29

I think it’s expected that some will only call into the function room part and numbers will continue to thin until it’s very late and there’s a hardcore group left. I think the idea after the function room is ‘the Cross next’ and that’ll be another couple of hours. But yes, eventually there is an inevitability that people will get split up.

Show quote history

Who is organising this event? You don't sound too sure what is happening

NoSoupForU · 23/03/2025 20:31

Also. As a guest it sounds shit.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 23/03/2025 20:31

C'mon it's cheap af not to provide any food. Nibbles/buffet at least!

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 20:29

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:25

It’s expected that they’d eat before or order their own food from the bar.

Show quote history

Eat before 4pm??

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:29

Redglitter · 23/03/2025 20:24

If its in a function room, I'd expect to ge fed. If we were meeting in the bar as a starting point for a pub crawl then no i wouldn't.

As pp said why have a function room if its not a party. Most people going to a function room for a big birthday will expect to be there all evening

A pub crawl sounds shambolic for that many folk. 40 of you wanting into various pubs? Good luck with that. The bouncers will never let you past the door. You'll all end up getting split into small groups and the whole birthday element will disappear

Whoevers bright idea this is - ask them to rethink it

I think it’s expected that some will only call into the function room part and numbers will continue to thin until it’s very late and there’s a hardcore group left. I think the idea after the function room is ‘the Cross next’ and that’ll be another couple of hours. But yes, eventually there is an inevitability that people will get split up.

OP posts:
NoSoupForU · 23/03/2025 20:28

Yes it would be very cheap to gather people in a function room for a celebration and not feed them on the basis they should eat before they come. You're taking their time over what would be dinner time.

If you can't cater then ditch the function room and just have a pub crawl.

Darkclothes · 23/03/2025 20:26

What is the purpose of hiring the room at all? What exactly are you planning on doing in those 2hrs? Playing chess, twister, pass-the-parcel??? 😕

Make it VERY clear on the invites, that ALL food and drinks need to be purchased by the 'guests' and that NO gifts are expected.

IMO- If you can't afford the event, then cut numbers so you are at least providing a 1st round/cake/nibbles or something.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:25

Carseathelp · 23/03/2025 20:18

When are you expecting people to eat, if you’re not feeding them or making bookings for people they will have to go off and get food.

4 to 6 seem like an odd time for an adult party.

It’s expected that they’d eat before or order their own food from the bar.

OP posts:
Wonderberry · 23/03/2025 20:24

What will you be providing your guests? Nothing is rude.

At a minimum there should be drinks and nibbles.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:24

NicolaCasanova · 23/03/2025 20:17

4pm to 6pm I would just expect a couple of drinks and a (massive) piece of birthday cake.

What happens after 6pm? Does everyone ‘carry on’ to the pub? For how long, is it a night out?

Yes, a night out until whenever people drift off home. Late late, I should imagine.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 23/03/2025 20:24

If its in a function room, I'd expect to ge fed. If we were meeting in the bar as a starting point for a pub crawl then no i wouldn't.

As pp said why have a function room if its not a party. Most people going to a function room for a big birthday will expect to be there all evening

A pub crawl sounds shambolic for that many folk. 40 of you wanting into various pubs? Good luck with that. The bouncers will never let you past the door. You'll all end up getting split into small groups and the whole birthday element will disappear

Whoevers bright idea this is - ask them to rethink it

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