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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it cheap not to cater?

464 replies

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:12

it’s a significant birthday and a function room is being hired out 4-6pm for around 40 guests then afterwards carrying on in nearby (nice) pubs. The function room place serves food as do a few nearby pubs.

Does the event need catered (a buffet)?

Yes - YABU
No - YANBU

OP posts:
Writerbiter · 23/03/2025 20:52

I'd meet them at a pub at 7.30pm and go for dinner with DH first at 6pm.

TheMissingLinkHasBeenFound · 23/03/2025 20:51

varden · 23/03/2025 20:50

There will be food, but you have to order and pay for it yourself.

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Oh fuck offfff, surely nobody is that miserable?

Ditch the room hire, and say "were out for drinks/pub crawl, starting at 7"

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:51

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/03/2025 20:45

Is the host paying for the drinks?

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No. I do think that would be unreasonable to expect!

OP posts:
varden · 23/03/2025 20:50

TeaRoseTallulah · 23/03/2025 20:48

Omg no, 4 pm is too early to have eaten before. It's a party so there needs to be food.

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There will be food, but you have to order and pay for it yourself.

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/03/2025 20:50

A friend of mine (early 30s) has his birthday celebrations in a pub every year and reserves the upstairs room for a particular local pub game, which most people sign up to join in. He doesn't provide food or drink, but those who want order from the bar. It's always packed and great fun.

It would be a real pain in the arse moving pubs. Some people would still be waiting for their food to arrive, you wouldn't get seats together in the next pubs etc. It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

Teado · 23/03/2025 20:50

This might work for a young bunch who are all about the alcohol, but at 40 it’s a bit odd.

HenDoNot · 23/03/2025 20:49

Miaowzabella · 23/03/2025 20:42

This party will live on in legend as the worst birthday party ever. If anybody even turns up, that is.

Indeed.

I think most folk will get off at 6pm and go home or out for a meal (deliberately avoiding the ‘pub crawl’ list of venues), totally bemused at what a shit show it was.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 23/03/2025 20:49

Yes it needs to be catered.

TeaRoseTallulah · 23/03/2025 20:48

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:25

It’s expected that they’d eat before or order their own food from the bar.

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Omg no, 4 pm is too early to have eaten before. It's a party so there needs to be food.

varden · 23/03/2025 20:48

My take on it is this, if you are having a gathering there should be food. Not necessarily a four course buffet, but something FGS. People expect something to eat or nibble on, it's part of the gig and helps people mingle aswell. Also, it sounds awkward that people have to order and pay for their own food at the bar. By the time they get served the two hour window in the function room will not be enough time!

I'd have to bring a packed lunch in my bag or I'd be pissed as a fart with nothing inside me before oodles of drink. But if it was a close friend I'd just join them for drinks later having had something myself at home.

Either do it right, or don't do it at all I think.

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 20:47

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:39

A friend of mine. I do know what’s happening - she’s hired a function room between 4pm and 6pm and then afterwards we’re heading to another nearby bar and so on. There is no food but you can order at the bar.

She’s a friend of almost 35 years so I didn’t want to be too harsh in the OP and tried to be vague, but I can’t believe she’s not having any food. I live quite far away so checked what time the buffet would be out to work out whether to have a late lunch or whatever, and she said there is no food, but did, rightly, remind me it had said so on the invitation.

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Ah I see, that explains it. Well as it's not your party there's not much you can do if this is what your friend has arranged. Maybe try to persuade her that providing some nibbles and a cake at least would be good. Or offer to take some yourself or help her arrange it.

CarpetKnees · 23/03/2025 20:46

Redglitter · 23/03/2025 20:24

If its in a function room, I'd expect to ge fed. If we were meeting in the bar as a starting point for a pub crawl then no i wouldn't.

As pp said why have a function room if its not a party. Most people going to a function room for a big birthday will expect to be there all evening

A pub crawl sounds shambolic for that many folk. 40 of you wanting into various pubs? Good luck with that. The bouncers will never let you past the door. You'll all end up getting split into small groups and the whole birthday element will disappear

Whoevers bright idea this is - ask them to rethink it

All of this.

I don't think I'd travel, so sit in a room for a couple of hours between 4 and 6.

I mean, if she wants to do a pub crawl (bit weird for any over 30, but, each to their own) then she needs to ask a small group of people and make it clear what she's inviting them to.
If she wants 40 people to come and celebrate her birthday, then she needs to organise a party, at a normal party time, and put on some food.
Or, potentially a lunch if she really, really doesn't want an evening party. But you can't ask people to a room, over a meal time, and say there's nothing to eat, oh, and after a couple of hours we're going to wander off to some local pubs, that most of you won't be able to get in to Confused

If she's that good a friend, I'd share this with her. If more of an acquaintance, I'd probably just decline.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:45

Floatlikeafeather2 · 23/03/2025 20:36

I still don't understand the function room part. What are you hiring it for? What will people be doing for those 2 hours. Just sitting around in a hired hall for 2 hours would feel anything but festive if there wasn't even a drink or a few crisps to occupy yourself with.

Sorry, it’s not a hired hall. It’s a function room in a pub. I judged when she told me there was no buffet but I guess if she’d said she’d reserved a load of tables downstairs I wouldn’t have expected food catered by her, so maybe I’m wrong to judge.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/03/2025 20:45

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:43

There will be drinks and plenty of them - it’s a function room in a pub where people can order food.

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Is the host paying for the drinks?

TheMissingLinkHasBeenFound · 23/03/2025 20:45

So, the room is being hired for tables. What is the woman expecting them to do for 2 hours in this room? Sit and chat?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/03/2025 20:44

It’s not a great plan. And by the time everyone has arrived, said hello and mingled and had chance to consider food they’ll be rushing to order and eat before the function room slot ends. Then all the guests carrying on after will just be pissed sooner. Your friends plan is weird

MayaPinion · 23/03/2025 20:43

So it’s just the meeting point then? And then people go home/go on a pub crawl/go off to a restaurant/pop into a takeaway? It’s not a party and it doesn’t warrant an invite beyond a, ‘It’s my 25th. We’re meeting upstairs at the Fox and Hounds at 4pm for a few drinks before heading off to The Norks and Daffodil for a swift half, followed by shots at the Bishop Brennan. If you’re still standing it’s back to ours for pizza and absinthe’.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:43

arcticpandas · 23/03/2025 20:35

Atleast have some nibbles and drinks there... and a cake. If not..why bother? People will definitely expect it. Personally I would not eat anything btw 4-6 but I would be miffed not being offered something to drink.

There will be drinks and plenty of them - it’s a function room in a pub where people can order food.

OP posts:
minnienono · 23/03/2025 20:43

the fact that you are inviting them to a function room implies you will have food, seems odd otherwise. If you had elected just to meet at the first pub people wouldn’t expect it

Miaowzabella · 23/03/2025 20:42

This party will live on in legend as the worst birthday party ever. If anybody even turns up, that is.

Hankunamatata · 23/03/2025 20:42

Id tell people your not catering. You need bowls or crisps, pretzels on table and do big slices of cake.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:41

BleachedJumper · 23/03/2025 20:35

I think the night will naturally thin out quite quickly, so that part of the plan will work well.

What significant birthday is it? I could imagine a young behaving 30 year old maybe thinking it’s appropriate planning, but most adults I know have attended significant birthdays before and know how they operate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:41

Anonym00se · 23/03/2025 20:34

I’m sorry but I think that is cheeky fuckery. You’ll put up decorations on the pretence of it being a party, everyone will turn up with gifts having not eaten and then they’ll be told it’s not actually a party but just a pub crawl and if they want any dinner they’ll have to buy their own.

It’s like inviting everyone to your house for a party and when they turn up you tell them there isn’t a party, relieve them of their gift and shut the door in their face! It’s preposterous.

To be fair, guests have been told no food and not to bring gifts.

OP posts:
Chocolate85 · 23/03/2025 20:40

Is your plan that people join you in the function room so you can eat together before drinking? If that’s the case, then word it like that. I’d be fine with that as a guest.
But if you’re inviting people as “this is my party” then I’d get a load of starters/ nibble bits at the very least.

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/03/2025 20:39

I get the impression that the OP is one of the guests & is somewhat doubtful about the idea.

Edited because of cross-post - see the OP’s confirmed. I’d be wary of ordering food at one of the pubs in case I got left behind when everyone moved on.