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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it cheap not to cater?

464 replies

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:12

it’s a significant birthday and a function room is being hired out 4-6pm for around 40 guests then afterwards carrying on in nearby (nice) pubs. The function room place serves food as do a few nearby pubs.

Does the event need catered (a buffet)?

Yes - YABU
No - YANBU

OP posts:
PrincessScarlett · 23/03/2025 21:58

I think the 4-6 function room needs ditching completely. What a shit idea. Why would you hire a room for 2 hours and not provide a welcome drink, buffet or entertainment?

Then everyone meets in the first pub at 7pm after having dinner at home.

I've done pub crawls in my hey days where at least 40 people attended and any reasonable sized chain pub will be able to accommodate an influx of 40 people.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:58

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/03/2025 21:56

Because you posed the question, everyone said yes, there should be food - and then you asked again!

Show quote history

I didn’t ask again. I responded to a specific poster. Read properly.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/03/2025 21:57

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:56

So you spent money on hiring a singer but didn’t put any food on for those who didn’t come back to yours?

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Has your friend paid for entertainment?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/03/2025 21:57

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:54

I honestly have no idea. Don’t know if it’s her responsibility or the bar will do it for her.

Show quote history

That one is easy. She’s not putting money behind the bar or buying food, the cheapskate needs to do it herself

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:56

TheBunnyLover · 23/03/2025 21:53

On my 40th I did a version of #4. My Mum put some £ behind the bar for friend's to have a couple of drinks each, some folk took the absolute p1ss I must admit....

No food other than a cake BUT;

-I estimated numbers and reserved seats in a pub.
-It started at 20:00 for most. It was clearly a pub/drinking only time.
-I paid a fair amount for a comedy act/singer that I knew would be to my friends taste.
-I told people they were welcome to stay over. I have a spare double room and a sofa bed first 'booked' first served, ended up with a couple in the spare room, one on a camper on floor of said room, one on sofa bed one on sofa! 🤣
-I made sure i had fizz, wine, beer and cider should anyone want to come back for a drink.
-I made a tonne of potato wedges/nice breads, salads and dips so that anyone coming back had something to nibble on at least, nothing fancy but nobody wants fancy after 5 pints (not amidst my friends anyway!) But something !

Function rooms need a function in them IMO? Surely spending a small amount on crisps, dips, sandwiches and salads is normal. Doesn't have to cost much- As other people have said, it gets people mingling, is an incentive, soaks up alcohol and is just part of the celebration.

Show quote history

So you spent money on hiring a singer but didn’t put any food on for those who didn’t come back to yours?

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 23/03/2025 21:56

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:51

Okay. I’m not arguing with you, so I’m not sure why you’re getting het up.

Show quote history

Because you posed the question, everyone said yes, there should be food - and then you asked again!

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:54

BoiledOrRoastPotatoes · 23/03/2025 21:53

If the function room is not available after 6 and your friend wants to decorate it, will she have to take down all the decorations by 6?

I honestly have no idea. Don’t know if it’s her responsibility or the bar will do it for her.

OP posts:
TheBunnyLover · 23/03/2025 21:54

Friends. Rouge apostrophe!

TheBunnyLover · 23/03/2025 21:53

downhere · 23/03/2025 21:32

Me and all my school/uni pals turned 40 last year and this is a very unusual set up both in timing, location & catering.

In my group...

#1 Some people hired a table or two in a pub and then people got their own food.

#2 Others had a meal with their besties (& then their partner / parents paid)

#3 Some hired a room from early evening and provided food (& some fizz)

#4 Some hired a room from later evening (8pm) and it was clear it was just for drinking.

I did #3.

On my 40th I did a version of #4. My Mum put some £ behind the bar for friend's to have a couple of drinks each, some folk took the absolute p1ss I must admit....

No food other than a cake BUT;

-I estimated numbers and reserved seats in a pub.
-It started at 20:00 for most. It was clearly a pub/drinking only time.
-I paid a fair amount for a comedy act/singer that I knew would be to my friends taste.
-I told people they were welcome to stay over. I have a spare double room and a sofa bed first 'booked' first served, ended up with a couple in the spare room, one on a camper on floor of said room, one on sofa bed one on sofa! 🤣
-I made sure i had fizz, wine, beer and cider should anyone want to come back for a drink.
-I made a tonne of potato wedges/nice breads, salads and dips so that anyone coming back had something to nibble on at least, nothing fancy but nobody wants fancy after 5 pints (not amidst my friends anyway!) But something !

Function rooms need a function in them IMO? Surely spending a small amount on crisps, dips, sandwiches and salads is normal. Doesn't have to cost much- As other people have said, it gets people mingling, is an incentive, soaks up alcohol and is just part of the celebration.

BoiledOrRoastPotatoes · 23/03/2025 21:53

If the function room is not available after 6 and your friend wants to decorate it, will she have to take down all the decorations by 6?

HenDoNot · 23/03/2025 21:51

Yes there should be a buffet at the 4-6 function room part. And a glass of fizz for everyone.

Your “friend” should forget the decorating the function room and spend the money on food and drinks instead.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:51

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/03/2025 21:48

YES THERE SHOULD.

I think we've all made that clear.

Show quote history

Okay. I’m not arguing with you, so I’m not sure why you’re getting het up.

OP posts:
McSpoot · 23/03/2025 21:48

I'd think that, at a minimum, ordering a few platters of food for the table at the first pub.

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/03/2025 21:48

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:46

Just to reiterate, there is accessible pub grub all night, you just have to order and pay for it.

My AIBU is whether there should be a buffet at the 4-6pm function room part.

Show quote history

YES THERE SHOULD.

I think we've all made that clear.

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/03/2025 21:47

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:42

You can order curry at the event though. You just have to pay for it (or order at one of the subsequent pubs).

She’s not starving people wedding style where you’re trapped and reliant on being given food. There is plenty of opportunity for food. You just have to order and pay for it yourself.

Show quote history

Order food, along with 40 other people ordering food AND drinks (plus others elsewhere in the pub)? Nah, that's a recipe for not getting your tea, getting really annoyed - and a complete shambles.

Normallynumb · 23/03/2025 21:46

To me, anyone hosting means extending a welcome to guests which in my opinion means providing food, but I’ll offer anyone who comes in a drink and a biscuit before they sit down!

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:46

NewMoonred · 23/03/2025 21:44

Also isn’t 6pm slightly too early for a pub crawl. Isn’t 7 ish a better start time. Time to get a lining on your stomach for all the alcohol.
But if I went I wouldn’t buy her a drink, no gifts remember then go out for food at 6pm and maybe go home.
Unless she is really popular then I can’t see 40 people even turning up.

Just to reiterate, there is accessible pub grub all night, you just have to order and pay for it.

My AIBU is whether there should be a buffet at the 4-6pm function room part.

OP posts:
Overhaul54 · 23/03/2025 21:44

I sort of get it …like having reserved seating in the bar. Everyone gets their own food and drink but gets to sing happy birthday.
However I can’t see the pub crawl going well. As PP said the pub might not be able to deal with 40 orders of food at 5.30 which is when drinkers who haven’t eaten since lunchtime will get peckish. You’ll have people suggesting staying on, some asking to move pubs, some wanting restaurants, all sorts.

Dery · 23/03/2025 21:44

It sounds pretty crap and makes her look tight. If she’s not willing to offer food, she should start at 7 or 8 pm. As a PP said, it’s not a party. And do a large group of 40 year olds really want to be dragged from one pub to another? There won’t be proper time to eat and everyone will just be getting drunk and ravenous. How is that actually fun?

BoiledOrRoastPotatoes · 23/03/2025 21:44

Admittedly I don’t go to many parties, but this sounds like the strangest one ever.

Gundogday · 23/03/2025 21:44

I think it sounds a bit weird to have a function room and no food. It could be something as simple as sausage sandwiches for everyone.

NewMoonred · 23/03/2025 21:44

Also isn’t 6pm slightly too early for a pub crawl. Isn’t 7 ish a better start time. Time to get a lining on your stomach for all the alcohol.
But if I went I wouldn’t buy her a drink, no gifts remember then go out for food at 6pm and maybe go home.
Unless she is really popular then I can’t see 40 people even turning up.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:43

Darkclothes · 23/03/2025 21:41

OP- Admit it! This is YOUR birthday and you are sounding out your ridiculous plan and pretending its a 'friend'. Given some of your replies, I really think this is the case.🙄

You’ve rumbled me.

If it wasn’t for you pesky kids… 🙄

OP posts:
lily219 · 23/03/2025 21:43

'Significant birthday', 'function room' and '4-6pm' would lead to me expecting some sort of food - especially if you're going on to the pub afterwards. If there's no food, you might as well just go to the pub and start later so people have time to eat beforehand.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 21:42

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/03/2025 21:38

If I were invited and actually went, I'd bugger off after the function room and go for a curry or some such. Then probably bog off home.

Show quote history

You can order curry at the event though. You just have to pay for it (or order at one of the subsequent pubs).

She’s not starving people wedding style where you’re trapped and reliant on being given food. There is plenty of opportunity for food. You just have to order and pay for it yourself.

OP posts: