To not have any memories

Going forward, keeping a diary can help you remember things better, because you almost experience things twice - once when they happen and a second time when you think about them and write about them in your diary before bed. You can also look back on your diaries in the future, which may help you recall things you'd otherwise forget about.

I am the same op. My memories between the ages of 10-15 are vague , which coincides with the worst years of having an alcoholic parent that was hospitalised due to their poor mental health often. I can remember music , some day trips and events , but can't order them properly. I find it upsetting to see photos of myself around this time too and don't always recognise myself.

I also can't remember most of my 20s clearly , I was in an abusive marriage. This is the worst as my first two kids were born then and their early years seem to have disappeared in my mind.

I think psychotherapy would be worth a try.

I have very few memories of when my children were babies, but I put this down to massive sleep deprivation, and in particular little deep sleep. I believe you need to sleep to "lay down" experiences into memories. But unless you were a particularly insomniac 10 year old that doesn't sound the whole story here.

When you remember things, is it more like something you "hear" or is it like reading print, or is it like a kind of mental film?

That's really false. It might have been true for you, it is not true for all.

OP, I think there is huge variety in how people form and retain long term memories, and all kinds of things can affect that.

A sizable minority of people have few or no real memories before adolescence.

Things like stress or lack of sleep or hormones can affect memory formation.

Also - like a pp mentioned, some people are visual, and they visualize memories or imaginative scenarios, or when they read. Some people don't however, their thinking is much more language based, and I believe that affects memory as well.

I had huge gaps in my memories of my childhood for many years. I now know that this was because I’d repressed memories of the CSA my DSis and I had suffered at the hands of my F and others. Our memories came back when we both had young DC. (I’d had images in my head of my abuse but I couldn’t understand them.)

I’ve since been diagnosed with CPTSD and have been through years of therapy to process the trauma that I went through.

Obviously, trauma isn’t the only explanation for memory loss.

I had a similar conversation with my dad tonight.

My only memories are of my dad and brothers. I asked him where the hell was my mum as I’d been wondering for a while.

I lived with them both my entire childhood but there’s nothing of her at all. She’s in my teen memories but only includes her shouting at me.

I have vanishingly few memories I can bring to mind at will, and even those are patchy. Some others will come when prompted but it’s not great. For me it’s a combination of ADHD (wasn’t really ‘there’/focused enough to form memories) and the decade in my teens/20s where I was misdiagnosed with bipolar, medicated to the hilt and in and out of psych wards. Trauma/meds in a growing brain/poor working memory disorder = bad combo for memories.

I also struggle with not remembering much about my kids as they grow. I try and be really in the moment with them as much as possible to at least enjoy it while I’m there, and also take videos of them doing just normal things and talking, not just ‘occasions’. I can’t change it so I try to manage it.

I am exactly the same as you OP I can barely remember anything of my children's childhoods (now early 20's) they were babies and toddlers just before really good camerasphones became the norm. I went through a very traumatic time when they were younger which lasted many years and to which I drowned my sorrows in too many wines. Sometimes I think it was the wine o'clock culture and merry go round which became my single parent lifestyle, that has numbed my memories, but I still can't remember much prior to that. I broadly put the memory thing down to excessive stress, but I'll never know, and I feel so sad about it.

My memory is pretty shocking for things like books and films, it’s like I just dismiss the information as unimportant as soon as it is not needed. A bit like cramming for an exam but not committing it to long term memory.

My memory of my second child’s first years isn’t great but I put that down to being severely sleep deprived at times.

This ^

Good psychotherapist helped me realise why

So helpful to hear about this thanks for sharing. I can totally relate to this!

Yes that’s the best way. I was always told it’s your brain protecting you from those memories. It’s definitely not always a bad thing to not remember certain things

This is a bit more about it: https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20181112-severely-deficient-autobiographical-memory-is-surprisi

Definitely relate - for example, if you were to ask me what I remembered about the week my parents announced they were separating, I'd say "Harold Bishop fell off the cliff in Neighbours", because that's my clearest memory of that week. But I've made my peace with that, because there was obviously a reason my mind chose to block that week out, and I don't really need to know, so I accept it.

It is not normal at all. It could be a sign of underlying trauma that is causing you to block all memories.
Make an appointment with a psychologist as soon as possible.

I have an awful memory. It really frustrates me. I had a happy childhood so it's not linked to that, for me. I take a lot of photos of my kids as photos really help me - I then kind of remember the photo, not the actual event as such, but it's something. I'm dyslexic and was tested as an adult, and the memory section bit was such an eye opener, as I couldn't remember a single thing. It's quite embarrassing forgetting info about friends etc and then just looking like you don't care. I do care.

The only bonus is I can read books lots of times and often forget major parts of the plot or often the ending. Same with films.

My DP has this and it’s nothing to do with trauma. He’s got aphantasia so doesn’t have pictures in his head/a mind’s eye at all, and that extends to not creating visual memories, so everything he ‘remembers’ is just things he’s been told happened, not memories he’s storied himself. I think it’s called Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory. He didn’t realise until a few years ago that everyone didn’t think that way too. It doesn’t bother him too much and the main benefit is he’s very focused on the next thing so gets a lot done because he’s not dwelling on the past. Apparently it can help with grief for the same reason. He does love me and is a great partner but when I’m gone he won’t be fixating on moments we had because they’re not in his head like for most of us.

That might be due to sleep deprivation

I don’t remember much about my kids being small in detail. My exh was a nightmare though and I spent more time trying to shield them from him than actually processing my own life and theirs. Even now I think I’m just too busy to be mindful and if I’m not focussed I don’t remember. If I’m able to concentrate however, I do

I discussed this with old schoolfriends recently. We were discussing the past and, while most of the group remembered loads of things in detail, a couple of us didn't. She and I agreed our memories are like a collection of snapshots, so we have vivid and detailed memories of some situations, with blanks between whereas the others have videos.
The two of us with this lack of memory had ordinary childhoods and normal adult lives, nothing traumatic or out of the ordinary between us!

I'm extremely over-cautious in my advice on this one but if you have any neurological symptoms alongside it, I would recommend the GP. I have a tumour affecting my temporal lobe and I've noticed that over the last few years my memory has become significantly bad.