How family-ish are you as a family?

You can create something wonderful with your DD even if your DH doesn’t help.
get her to help cook a meal or bake a cake

Yeah, I hear you, I had similar growing up and my sister has recreated it with her family, but it is what it is. I get 1:1 time with dc playing games like chess or dobble, we watch stuff together and we go to festivals and visit places together. if I had more dc I couldn’t afford to do those things and they are lovely quality time together.

Even if I were with her dad he would have no interest in doing those things. Her stepdad and GPs play from time to time though, and I just have to accept that she has a very different shaped family to the one I grew up in, so her experiences will be very different as well- but that doesn’t mean they’re not fun or valuable.

We have a nearly 15 month old. Family is really important to both of us. Dinner is eaten at the table together every evening, sometimes lunch and breakfast too as my husband works mostly from home. We do activities together every weekend like swimming, soft play, farm, just a walk to the park or beach etc

My husband never plays video games when our son is awake, that is saved for evenings when he’s asleep.

What would happen if you asked him to choose an activity for you all to do? You could all take it in turns picking something and everyone goes along with it as long as it’s not wildly unsuitable.

Does he have any hobbies DD could be involved with in some way? Like age appropriate games if he’s into gaming or something like that?

If he really won’t take part go ahead and do stuff with DD, she won’t know any different and still have happy memories.

FWIW my Dad never, ever did anything with us as children but I get on fine with him now I’m in my 40s and he’s in his 70s. We actually have lots in common but it took until I was well into my 30s to realise it, which I guess is a bit sad but better late than never! ExH is similar, I remember a trip to the zoo when he went back to the car halfway through.

We don’t watch tv together apart from films. Sometimes on a rainy day we do our own film club and all watch together with popcorn, sweets and a big blanket. We don’t play many games either as it’s not really our thing but we do have a lot of family time with days out. Every weekend we are mostly out for meals and days out Saturday and Sunday so that’s our family time. We did say recently now the kids are a little older we might start watching Ant and Decs Saturday night tv programme altogether as we think they’ll enjoy that

My dad was rarely around for these sorts of things. He’d be in the living room with us but only watching his programmes while we happened to be there. Otherwise it would just be Mum and me watching stuff we actually wanted to watch together, but never with Dad.

It’s not about BGT though is it? It’s that he won’t sit there for an hour to create this fun family activity for his DD.

I would be having serious words. Fair enough, BGT is shit so does he want to watch gladiators then weekly as a family? What games does he like? There are plenty for a family of three. Blokus is a good start.

Britain's got talent is rubbish, I can't blame him.
A film maybe.

Britain's got talent is rubbish, I can't blame him.
A film maybe.

What about other family?

we do a lot of family movie nights and games on the switch together, board games etc but it's just me and 2 kids (8 and 11)
when there dad lived here he never wanted to join in or spend time together and it bought a really negative energy to the household imo

We wouldn’t watch BGT alone, but have done with the kids. There is the odd great act on it to be fair.

If he’s not going to sit and watch something with you then he needs to be making time to do other things with you all. It’s not okay for him just to opt out completely.

We are quite family ish. There’s 4 of us - 2 dc now aged 13 and 22 so family time looks very different for us now with both dc preferring to chat online to their friends and eldest at university a lot of the time etc. But we still go out together, go to the cinema, out for lunch, go on walks. Ds (the 13 year old) comes and sits with us in the evening and chats, he comes out with us at the weekend.

We do quit a lot things together as a family.
Go for long walks
Days out
Meals out
Watch films
Go to the theatre

Some things Dh would struggle with, if it's a tv show he's not that into he will be on his phone. He's been away the last week, so ds (teenager) and I watched Adolescence together and had some great discussions about it. Dh would not have wanted to do that at all, totally not his scene.

Yes we do family things together
We play a fair number of games, eat together a lot.

How about starting small, family disco? Everyone gets x3 tunes on Spotify - would your H be interested in sharing some of what he thinks are great songs? Or family Mario cars knockout?

221B Baker Street, can be played as a team against the board. Or just the “would you rather” discussion cards.

The Week junior magazine (subscription gets posted) has a few pages of news all aimed at 7-13 year olds, ours are older teens now but have expressed they want to keep getting it, largely because of debate of the week page, which we all do then guess the “percentage” yes/no of the previous week.

So yes I guess we do a bit as a family but a lot is debate and discussion not board games, which lead to tangents in topics,

And I am shortly going to make them watch a film, which is better since they got older, although think it’s Sonic3 tonight!

Excruciating for me would be something genuinely painful. I consider myself to have the strength of character to tolerate a bit of crap tv!

Tell him that he needs to watch the show one evening per week.

No, you do that for something like a show or concert or match or competition they are in. Not week after week watching utter tripe that happens to be on the TV.

Yes, you make time to do things with them, but you have to find something that's not excruciating.

Even if you think sitting in the same room watching something on the TV is 'quality family time', then find something to watch that everyone thinks is okay, or take turns to watch something each of you choose.

I remember us sitting through all the Harry Potter films, which we found absolutely tortuous, and chatting about them afterwards!

If it’s something your kid is excited about (rubbish tv), you feign interest. You don’t enjoy the show but you enjoy their enjoyment of it and being together.
It you asked him to make an effort for your DD what would he say? He needs to be reminded it’s not for your benefit it’s for hers.

Hmm. I despise Saturday night tv such as BGT and you couldn’t pay me to watch it.

Would he be willing to sit and watch something mutually agreeable like a film or different show?

We don’t watch tv together. Or play games. But we do things as a family. Kids will have their own experiences growing up. None are right or wrong

While I don't think YABU in regards to playing games and such, I'd not want to watch BGT either.

Have you told him that DD would like to play games, as in all sit round a table with snacks/drinks and just be present in the here and now?

That's the thing, just spend time together, find things to talk about. You need the shared experiences.