To think 3-4 hours to yourself is actually quite a lot of time when you have preschool children?

Well on the positive side he isn’t at the pub. He is working on your house which is kind of a good thing. Could be worse.

BUT he is leaving the parenting all to you. which doesn’t seem to be working for you and isn’t fair.

Can you be super direct with him this evening and spell out what’s playing out- give him facts ie what has happened the last month and how it’s made you feel. Tell him how you want next weekend to go. Ie he take the kids out and you have some time to relax and potter about. See what he says…

It seems to be common for the men to do this amongst my friends. They seem to take for granted that they'll get child free time to do the things they need to do whereas he doesn't take DC out so I can do some cleaning or cooking. I do what I can!

This afternoon we've all been out together and while I got home and started making the DC some food and tidying up he came in the room and literally lay on the bed while I was making it. I told him to get up!

Sounds like he needs on of those tables that has 4 squares. 1 square has urgent and important written at the top. 1 square has urgent and not important. 1 square has important and not urgent. 1 square has not important and not urgent. He needs to start putting jobs he feels need doing into the table. The only jobs that he should even be contemplating doing at bedtime are in the ‘urgent and important’ square. Fixing the garage door sounds like neither of those things.

This.

Did he want children.

Why aren’t you going out and telling him that the children need him, and then leave for the entirety of bath and bedtime.

Could you just vanish tomorrow night as a starter?

What do you mean vanished?

Did these endless jobs exist before you had children?

As a keen gardener I might be a bit biased but I find this time of year is quite busy and if I don't get things done then I could miss the window for certain things to be planted for summer. If he's doing this from necessity because the garden needs the work done then I would still see this as work that needs done around the house but if he's just pottering and it's for his own enjoyment then I think he needs to cut it back and make sure you get equal down time to yourself AND time as a family.

Isn’t the bigger problem that he is trying to avoid his family?

I have the same age dc and I get about 12 hours child-free time during the week, as youngest is in nursery and the eldest is at school (I'm a sahm and am with the younger one the rest of the time). It's definitely something I feel I need after having dcs with me almost all the time before she started nursery.

At weekends DH and I work as a team, usually going out as a family, and one of has one child each, so we don't have child-free time. It does mean that house/DIY jobs get pushed back but spending time together while they're young is our priority for now.

My partner can be a bit like this, he’s very pro active and wants to be busy all the time however he takes our 21 month old into the garden with him to run about, has him sitting nearby with a screwdriver while he’s building furniture or when he’s on the laptop doing paperwork. No reason for the kids to need to be out the way while he’s “busy” so if he’s pushing you into taking them out then you need to chat about that I think

Can’t you all work together in the garden? If a project needs doing eg planting, digging etc go out there and all of you work as a team. I bet the kids would love it.

Do a role swap next weekend. You do the imaginery made up jobs in the garden and he entertains the kids for 5 hours.

Nope. Near identical age DC and I would not tolerate this at all. Weekends are for ensuring both DH and I spend time with each other and the DC, alongside both of us getting a bit of a rest. We chose to have a very low maintenance house and garden to facilitate this while the kids are little. All of that can happen in the future.

Me too.

I have the same age kids and my DH tries it on similarly as well,to do woodwork crafting in the garden though for hours on end 🤔 and then if we have made plans to go out, obviously when it's toilet time before getting shoes on, this is when he decides it is imperative to start a deep clean of his office/ the bathroom/ whatever inconvenience he can muster.

So I suck it up and then dump the kids back with him and run out the door, shouting byeeeee I'll be back in a bit they need tea/snack/lunch! I organise myself beforehand so I have my grab bag ready by the door - swim stuff, kindle and puzzle book, clothes shopping bag... whatever I fancy taking myself off to do for 3 hours or however long! And of course I don't tell him how long I'll be, either. It really pisses him off, funnily enough 😂

Massive piss take. Being on your own with a podcast etc to potter and do the garden is the equivalent of a city break when the it’s the weekend with small children. You either share this time between you or you can both do the farm trip and leave the jobs.

Do the jobs need doing or is he creating jobs? Why can't you stay home, you are out a lot with small children, that could be adding stress.

He is inventing jobs to do so he doesn’t have to spend time with his family

He’s creating the jobs because he wants to avoid the children. It’s very obvious I’m afraid and all too common.