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Original poster

To think SIL was totally out of order

109 replies

Candlecharge01 · 23/03/2025 15:26

DH side of the family had a get together yesterday. DH had a work commitment so I took DSD 9 and DD 2.

We arrived at 2pm had some lunch and all the e cousins played together. By 6pm it was getting a bit rowdy as some of the adults had been drinking all afternoon. I made my excuses to leave and told the kids to gather up all their things and start saying goodbyes.

SIL asks if DSD can stay over as she has a DD similar age and wanted them to keep playing together. I said ah not this time as we are going swimming early in the morning and will be too much hassle coming to pick her up first. This was true but also DSD looked really tired and it was turning into a more adult party really and I thought it best she just come home with me. Plus DH was due home about 7ish and of course wanted to see the kids.

SIL says well it's not really up to you, I'll ring my brother and ask him. I said she's in my care at the moment and it is up to me. She tried ringing DH but no answer.

She then said I'll ring her Mum and if she says it's ok then you can just leave her here with her family.

At this point I was fuming but didn't want a scene so just politely said well it's her weekend with us and we're off. I packed the kids in the car and left.

Later DSD mum rings confused about where DSD was as SIL had rang her and asked could DSD stay! Now DSD Mum apparently told her it was up to us as she isn't due back to her until Monday.

AIBU to say this is totally overstepping?!

OP posts:
Tortielady · 23/03/2025 18:17

glittereyelash · 23/03/2025 17:25

That is shocking behaviour trying to undermine your role as a stepmother! You handled it perfectly. I wouldn't want my child staying in a house where adults have been drinking all day.

It doesn't sound as if the little girl wanted more of their company anyway. I remember very well what family gatherings were like when I was that age and ours tended to feature caffeine rather than alcohol. Too many people and too much noise for a whole afternoon - I was ready for bed with a book!

diddl · 23/03/2025 18:12

Well thank goodness the mum is reasonable or who knows how it might have turned out!

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/03/2025 18:10

She was totally out of order, and to be honest if I was DSD's mum I would be very happpy that you didnt leave DSD in the "care" of a pissed up adult!

MumWifeOther · 23/03/2025 18:01

She sounds like a total bitch and I wokld be expecting an apology.

Hankunamatata · 23/03/2025 18:00

I'm guessing sil was well lubricated at this point and wanted someone to entertain her child?

diddl · 23/03/2025 18:00

SIL says well it's not really up to you,

That really is atrocious isn't it?

Well it shows what she thinks of you & how important she thinks what she wants is compared to you!

SwanOfThoseThings · 23/03/2025 18:00

Anewdawnanewname · 23/03/2025 17:52

I wonder how she worded it to Dsd’s mum “they’ve said no, so I’m asking you” seems a really bizarre thing to admit

It's what you'd expect a child to do, not a grown adult - asking mum because stepmum said no.

Heronwatcher · 23/03/2025 17:58

No YANBU. For me it would be a hard pass taking your DSD to his family alone after this, she put you in an incredibly difficult position. Either that or get your DH and her mum to sign a formal letter so that when you have her you have authority to make parental decisions. In very small words so even your drunk gobby SIL can understand it.

Anewdawnanewname · 23/03/2025 17:52

I wonder how she worded it to Dsd’s mum “they’ve said no, so I’m asking you” seems a really bizarre thing to admit

2chocolateoranges · 23/03/2025 17:48

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:30

She should've asked one of the child's parents in the first place to be honest.

Totally pointless her starting a row with you about it.

Not at all, it’s her weekend to spend with her dad and step mum, dad was busy and she was in step mums care so it was up to her to make a decision.

OP, your sil was out of order and so rude. I’m so glad dh didn’t answer the phone and also that dsd’s mum was on your side.

SepticCess · 23/03/2025 17:42

'Her family' The brass neck on her.

Treating you like a taxi service or the paid help.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 23/03/2025 17:41

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:30

She should've asked one of the child's parents in the first place to be honest.

Totally pointless her starting a row with you about it.

Rubbish. OP is DSD’s step mum and therefore in charge. She said no, therefore the answer was no.

If DH hadn’t trusted her to make decisions re DSD he wouldn’t have left her with her. The end.

Riaanna · 23/03/2025 17:39

Totally out of order.

Good on you. And the mother of SD.

Butchyrestingface · 23/03/2025 17:37

Later DSD mum rings confused about where DSD was as SIL had rang her and asked could DSD stay! Now DSD Mum apparently told her it was up to us as she isn't due back to her until Monday.

I wonder if she too experienced issues with her former SIL in her former life.

Starlight7080 · 23/03/2025 17:36

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 23/03/2025 15:42

Imo sil wanted dsd to amuse her dd so she could get pissed in peace..

This 100%

glittereyelash · 23/03/2025 17:25

That is shocking behaviour trying to undermine your role as a stepmother! You handled it perfectly. I wouldn't want my child staying in a house where adults have been drinking all day.

DaisyChain505 · 23/03/2025 17:25

Of course it was bloody rude of her and your DH needs to make this extremely clear to her and say very directly that she isn’t to over rule you again.

Happyspendingthedayinthegarden · 23/03/2025 17:21

SunshineAndFizz · 23/03/2025 15:44

So rude and disrespectful to you.

Was she drunk?

This. I'm uncomfortable with an event where adults are drinking & children around.

I used to be very involved in rugby clubs (DH played) we would arrange to remove the children before adults started to get pissed.

TwoRobins · 23/03/2025 17:19

AngelicKaty · 23/03/2025 16:18

@Candlecharge01 Wow, REALLY WELL DONE for holding it together OP, the SIL is one CF! How dare she challenge your authority when your DSD was in your care? Who the hell does she think she is?! 😡
As a matter of interest, was SIL close to your DSD's DM?

Hear! Hear!

Lemsipper · 23/03/2025 17:08

WOW this is insane behaviour from your SIL. Honestly, if your DH does anything less than give her an absolute bollocking id lose it. Youd see me on the 9 clock news!

Endofyear · 23/03/2025 16:54

I think you handled it really well, not losing your temper despite feeling very cross! And I'm glad DSDs mum backed you up. DH definitely needs to have words with his sister and put her straight. I'd avoid family gatherings without DH in future!

StartEngine · 23/03/2025 16:53

Tortielady · 23/03/2025 15:54

YNBU. You made a judgement call in favour of a tired 9 year old rather than a bunch of rowdy adults. Her DSD's parents seem happy with that and rightly so; their child is not an ancillary child entertainment unit for the convenience of grown-ups who've had a skinful. She's nine, she's all in, she's got swimming in the morning. If SiL cares about her niece, she wouldn't make belittling comments about you or try to undermine your efforts to look after her.

This!

pikkumyy77 · 23/03/2025 16:49

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:30

She should've asked one of the child's parents in the first place to be honest.

Totally pointless her starting a row with you about it.

It would have been massively rude to ask two absent parents when OP who was literally in loco parentis was present.

Daleksatemyshed · 23/03/2025 16:41

I'm glad your DH is going to speak to his Dsis, I hope he marks her cards for her because that remark about leaving your DSD "with her family" was bloody rude and uncalled for. Well done on just leaving Op, I'm sure her DM didn't want her child left with a bunch of drunks.

Dweetfidilove · 23/03/2025 16:41

What a disrespectful twat!

I'm happy your stepdaughter's mom put her straight. I hope when your husband speaks to her, he leaves her in no doubt that she's overstepped and she'll know her place next time.