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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think SIL was totally out of order

109 replies

Candlecharge01 · 23/03/2025 15:26

DH side of the family had a get together yesterday. DH had a work commitment so I took DSD 9 and DD 2.

We arrived at 2pm had some lunch and all the e cousins played together. By 6pm it was getting a bit rowdy as some of the adults had been drinking all afternoon. I made my excuses to leave and told the kids to gather up all their things and start saying goodbyes.

SIL asks if DSD can stay over as she has a DD similar age and wanted them to keep playing together. I said ah not this time as we are going swimming early in the morning and will be too much hassle coming to pick her up first. This was true but also DSD looked really tired and it was turning into a more adult party really and I thought it best she just come home with me. Plus DH was due home about 7ish and of course wanted to see the kids.

SIL says well it's not really up to you, I'll ring my brother and ask him. I said she's in my care at the moment and it is up to me. She tried ringing DH but no answer.

She then said I'll ring her Mum and if she says it's ok then you can just leave her here with her family.

At this point I was fuming but didn't want a scene so just politely said well it's her weekend with us and we're off. I packed the kids in the car and left.

Later DSD mum rings confused about where DSD was as SIL had rang her and asked could DSD stay! Now DSD Mum apparently told her it was up to us as she isn't due back to her until Monday.

AIBU to say this is totally overstepping?!

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 23/03/2025 20:23

Maray1967 · 23/03/2025 15:28

Yes, DH needs to have words with his sister.

I know the MN mantra is that the husband should sort out problems between his wife and his family but are women really so wet that they need him to be involved? Surely if there's a problem then the people involved should sort it out and not wait for the man on the white charger to rescue them!

ProfessionalPirate · 23/03/2025 20:12

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 19:49

Too much 🤣🤣🤣

I'm going to have to hide the thread or ask MNHQ to delete my first post.

Show quote history

Sorry for adding to the pile-on, but your first post was bizarrely worded if you weren’t trying to say that the SIL should have bypassed the OP and asked the parents straight off. And I obviously missed your amendment when I skimmed through the thread.

Waterweight · 23/03/2025 20:06

Yh it sounds like a shitty (drunken?) thing to do but ay, you stood your ground. Your husband didn't answer & the mums miffed but fine about the whole thing so really does it matter ?

I wouldn't burn bridges/involve other people/reignite the fued just to 1 up her

Move on

Calliopespa · 23/03/2025 20:06

thismummydrinksgin · 23/03/2025 20:04

Good on her Mom for relaying the same message as you!

Yes I’m impressed that you and the mum really seem to have this blended family thing sussed. So many blended family threads on here are whinging, bickering and depressing. It’s heartening to hear of the times when the adults actually cooperate for the benefit of the children.

thismummydrinksgin · 23/03/2025 20:04

Good on her Mom for relaying the same message as you!

WeeOrcadian · 23/03/2025 20:00

HRTFT

You were the adult in charge

Your decision

End of

Calliopespa · 23/03/2025 19:52

dontyousay · 23/03/2025 15:40

Why? Her step mum was there.
if the step mum is trusted to look after DSD on her own and take her places she can be trusted to make simple decisions during that time

Show quote history

Agree. Seems like the mum trusts OP so why doesn’t SIL? Really over-bearing, high-handed and actually quite condescending.

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 19:49

ProfessionalPirate · 23/03/2025 19:46

No. The girl’s father has left his wife - the girl’s stepmother - in sole charge. This means she is acting in loco parentis and was completely entitled to make a decision like this without reference to anyone else.

Show quote history

Too much 🤣🤣🤣

I'm going to have to hide the thread or ask MNHQ to delete my first post.

ProfessionalPirate · 23/03/2025 19:46

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:30

She should've asked one of the child's parents in the first place to be honest.

Totally pointless her starting a row with you about it.

No. The girl’s father has left his wife - the girl’s stepmother - in sole charge. This means she is acting in loco parentis and was completely entitled to make a decision like this without reference to anyone else.

Dery · 23/03/2025 19:32

This:

“Tortielady · Today 15:54

YNBU. You made a judgement call in favour of a tired 9 year old rather than a bunch of rowdy adults. Her DSD's parents seem happy with that and rightly so; their child is not an ancillary child entertainment unit for the convenience of grown-ups who've had a skinful. She's nine, she's all in, she's got swimming in the morning. If SiL cares about her niece, she wouldn't make belittling comments about you or try to undermine your efforts to look after her.”

And you sound like a terrific step-mum - caring and sensitive to your DSD’s needs and much more clued in than her aunt!

Livelaughlurgy · 23/03/2025 19:29

The cheek of her. I'd put it down to her being drunk and take it no further. But I'd remember and I'd be aware that that's how she sees you. Wagon.

Crazyworldmum · 23/03/2025 19:23

Your Sul needs a boundaries check big time ! What did your husband say about this ?

diddl · 23/03/2025 19:10

She then said I'll ring her Mum and if she says it's ok then you can just leave her here with her family.

I've just reread the OP & seen this.

Does she not think her father who she was being taken home to is family then I wonder?

She definitely seems to think that as Aunt she has more say/rights(?)!

SwanOfThoseThings · 23/03/2025 19:01

diddl · 23/03/2025 18:00

SIL says well it's not really up to you,

That really is atrocious isn't it?

Well it shows what she thinks of you & how important she thinks what she wants is compared to you!

Yes, and the possessive "I'm going to ring my brother." Trying to make the OP feel pushed out of the family.

Pickledpeanuts · 23/03/2025 18:58

YANBU. Is this unusual behaviour from your SIL?

Tortielady · 23/03/2025 18:57

diddl · 23/03/2025 18:25

It doesn't sound as if the little girl wanted more of their company anyway.

And even if she did Op had perfectly valid reasons for leaving.

Well of course she doesn't even need those!

Well no, of course she didn't. But you can imagine SiL suggesting that her DN was being deprived of something she wanted at the whim of a capricious SM. It's probably not the case; how many nine year olds want to spend an evening with Plastered Petunia and her ilk?

2025willbemytime · 23/03/2025 18:51

That's great that your SD mum backed you up.

WaterMonkey · 23/03/2025 18:44

YANBU. SIL obviously wanted your stepdaughter to play with her kid so she could get off her face, and you put a spanner in the works. Probably best to get your husband to deal with her, but must admit I would be tempted to tell the shit stirrer she needs to stay off the sauce when kids are around.

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 18:41

Jeez, cancel the check anyone? 🤣🤣

Or just read my second post.

SerafinasGoose · 23/03/2025 18:40

Hurrah for DSD's mum!

I'd buy her a bottle of fizz for this.

Bitofanchange · 23/03/2025 18:39

Candlecharge01 · 23/03/2025 16:17

Thanks all glad I'm not being unreasonable to be annoyed.

To answer some questions yes she was well on her way to being drunk, I suspect she just wanted to carry on enjoying herself and it would be easier if DSD was there to entertain her child.

DH working at the weekend was a very rare event just something that couldn't be avoided this time. We all went swimming today, he took DSD in big pool to practice swimming and I had DD in the little pool for a splash and then in the big pool for her to practice swimming.

All home for a family roast and movie day so definitely not like DH usually leaves all childcare to me.

DH is going to speak to SIL and tell her that she was out of order and to respect my decisions going forward

Perfect!

Bitofanchange · 23/03/2025 18:37

MyDeftDuck · 23/03/2025 18:30

SIL clearly wanted a distraction for her own child so she could join in with the adults 'piss-up'.
You did the right thing taking DSD home with you - she was in your care and your responsibility.

Yeah this is likely!

Bitofanchange · 23/03/2025 18:37

She’s so out of order it’s not true!!!

Shocking!!

MyDeftDuck · 23/03/2025 18:30

SIL clearly wanted a distraction for her own child so she could join in with the adults 'piss-up'.
You did the right thing taking DSD home with you - she was in your care and your responsibility.

diddl · 23/03/2025 18:25

It doesn't sound as if the little girl wanted more of their company anyway.

And even if she did Op had perfectly valid reasons for leaving.

Well of course she doesn't even need those!