To think SIL was totally out of order

This is the sort of situation where something unfortunate could happen as there isn't adequate (sober) supervision. Comments above are quite right with regard to respecting that SM was in charge of the child, however I wouldn't consider leaving a child with adults who had been drinking a fair bit unless there was at least one sober adult who could be trusted to supervise.

Now the image of a drunk, off-balanced Peppa Pig is running through my head.

Thanks! 😆😲😉

I read it, and you made it much clearer and put it very well.

I also think SIL was itching for a confrontation, to show OP who SIL thinks the boss should be. She thought the OP would give in when she used the "it's not really up to you" phrase. Very happy that OP didn't fold.

Not at all. When the child is in the care of one step parent then they are the responsibility of that step parent. In loco parentis and all that.

While your DH is having a chat with his sis I think he should ask her to apologise to you. You need an assurance that she will never speak to you like that again. You can’t go to his family get togethers and be worried that she may talk to you in that manner again.

Family or not, that relationship would be over.

Thank you 😊

‘Plastered Petunia’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 brilliant!

Good thinking, excellent logic.

I understood in this case that OP did speak up - SIL ignored her. So now it needs to be DH who makes it clear that OP decides where DSD should be when he’s not there.

Funny how the SIL thought OP had the 'authority' to agree to the sleepover but not to say no to it. Like a child asking the other parent for something when the first one refuses.

I have since replied to your first post as well.

It is way too complicated to read the entire thread before responding to a post of someone other than the OP.. MN really needs to do something about that, but I'm not entirely sure what.

A lot of people won't clock usernames either so won't have noticed that you made further comment attempt to clear up any misunderstanding about your first comment

Why?

The OP is her brother's wife and the child is in her care, it's not like the OP is some flyby night girlfriend of the brother ( and to be honest evening she was the brother has left the child in the OP's care, it's not for anyone else to go around that)

The OP is as much 'family' to DSD as the dad sister, if not more.

The OP's DH need to put his sister clearly and firmly right!!

I suspect that DSD's mum has had her own runs in with the SIL, so knows exactly what she is like and thats why she backed up the OP!

Jokes aside , if my step sons are with me they are my responsibility, there is no questioning this , the same way I wouldn’t question my partner decision if my children are with him . Thankfully their mum has the same mindset just like your dsd’s mum .
I never been in this position but I would feel furious anyone on my hubbys family behaved that way .

Thinking about it, it’s particularly shitty that she still has your husband’s ex wife’s number on her phone and called her in front of you like that. Failed attempt at a power play.

She was being an absolute bitch. Is she usually like that when she doesn’t get what she wants?

She then said I'll ring her Mum and if she says it's ok then you can just leave her here with her family.

She sounds like a right bitch. She’s basically saying “you’re not part of our family”. Which is really nasty. As you became part of their family as soon as you got together with her brother.

I agree. If my sister pulled a stunt like this I would be having a word with her.

Your sil was disrespectful to you. It’s mind boggling that she did this in front of your dsd as it belittles your authority with her. Also she could have made things very difficult between your dh and his ex.

Id be avoiding any future meet ups without your dh until your dh has talked to her and she’s apologised.

OP, I am impressed you and your DH have a good enough relationship with his ex for her to support you. Good on you all.

what a bitch undermining you like that-is she like this all the time

It's not a man thing it's a 'whose family' thing.

The OP was not wet but if she stands up to this on her own and her DH does not back her up and be clear that a) his wife IS family and b) when he leaves his child with his wife his wife does make the decisions, then the family will close ranks, the OP will be seen as the baddie and 'not family'.

If the sexes were reversed and the OP was the step Dad I would be saying 'The DW needs to have a word with her sister!'.

And because this is a largely women's site, it's always the DH's family that needs dealing with.

Sounds like SIL was a bit pissed

Agree with other posters saying nothing to do with sil, but reading between the lines, it sounds like you and she probably have had other issues in the past and just don’t get on anyway. Maybe rather than have your dh get involved with giving her a talking to, you and your sil should try sort out your differences and get on for the sake of everyone.