To think this was just a bit shit

You are BU, he doesn't look at his phone all the time is rather a positive. Everyone is different as other posters have said actions mean more than words.

I don't see anything terminal here, OP, but it seems like the both of you are still dancing around your feelings and the future. And I don't know about him, but you're certainly not able to have the mature conversations with him. All of that can be normal, of course, for a relationship a year long – but this is not kids planning territory whatsoever. You need to be in a MUCH more secure and certain place where this dance is not happening anymore.

I think you’ll be fine, OP. He sounds lovely 😍

This does sound like a good update :)

@Cyrilblack my dh is exactly like your dp. We've been together 30 years and are very happy.

But we do have different love languages. When we were first together, he used a line from a film to declare his feelings, one that doesn't even say the actual 3 little words. And once during a discussion about our relationship he described it as 'having some practical benefits'. My face was a picture and we still laugh about all of it now. It's just that romantic words and thoughts don't come readily to him. Both those examples, however, have become part of our shared humour and life. One evening after a particularly lovely and close sunset walk, he said I still had some practical benefits

Like you, I sometimes need to hear words spoken that affirm his feelings towards me. He needs me to want to spend quality time with him (e.g. accompanying on a long drive to do his hobby, even if I just go for a walk and coffee on my own while he participates).
I show my love through thoughful gifts / events that he would enjoy. He shows his love through acts of service (I've not done any laundry for years!).

For us it's about working out how best to communicate between us so that we both know that we are loved. Sometimes I remind dh that he might need to speak some words (without making it into a joke), other times I need to remind myself that him doing the laundry (washing, drying, ironing, putting away) is part of his demonstration of commitment.

The important thing is not to sulk if his communication style doesn't match yours. And visa versa.

@Trivialfacets yes we do - that’s why I stay. If we split it would cause massive upheaval and hardship for them for multiple reasons. We actually get on and co-parent well but are basically like 2 platonic friends who live together, compounded by DH’s physical and mental health issues. It’d need a whole new thread to explain, but I hate to see anyone else potentially getting themselves into my situation of feeling like their partner doesn’t really care about them.

The way you express love sounds quite different OP and I think it’s a good idea to sit down and talk about how you’d like it to be expressed in future, maybe he will be able to work on it. I grew up in a household where love was shown but NEVER expressed in words. I always felt a bit lost because I like it both said and shown. I ended up marrying a man I adore who is good at saying the words but less good at showing it. Now I wish he was better at showing it - it is what it is.
I am happy with my husband, I’ve accepted he does what he feels comfortable with and we try to meet half way.

In regards to your lovely message, try not to take what happened to heart. It’s possible your boyfriend just felt a bit uncomfortable and didn’t know how to respond because he had no experience. Or you sent it at a time when he was busy. If my husband had a moment like that and I was at work he’d be lucky to get a response at all because I’d be too busy to see it. I would likely wait and have my feelings expressed when we were together in person.
People express things differently.

What, how would I feel if I were just going through the motions of settling down and ticking the boxes of marriage & children, without showing any emotion or love towards my partner? I might feel guilty, or I might not give a shit. Hard to know really, but either way, it’s not something I’d wish on anyone, having been on the receiving end myself.

After 1 year of being in a relationship you will only know the basics about somebody.

Or perhaps you're just quite basic?

Fertility testing should indeed be discussed! They are late 30's with a medical history which could impact it. A year together is plenty long enough for some couples.
Living together is cheaper than on your own so I don't understand why the financial impact is being discussed.

Nice dodge on not being rude.

I think i probably agree with this.

I think the fact that he looked 'astounded' when you asked if he was sure you were the one for him is really romantic, OP. Words are cheap.

Yes, exactly.

I've had so many people make promises they never keep, say words they clearly don't mean - actions are what matters to me, not all the other stuff.

My family aren't big on the "I love you" stuff either, but they're all there for me when it matters and have never once let me down. That's what's important.

Actions speak louder than words
if he’s kind, caring and thoughtful, that’s what matters to him.
Talk is cheap

Yep, I personally can't think of anything worse

But I also don't see what saying "I love you" to another person has to do with having children? Anyone can say that - it doesn't mean you actually do love them or that you're going to make a good parent or partner.