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AIBU?

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Would it be unreasonable to tell my housemate I won't help her anymore if she has another child?

117 replies

AmyCakeMaker · 23/03/2025 08:56

I have been friends with Jodie for several years and we have lived together for a while now and 2 years ago, Jo had her daughter (Susie). We get along and don't have any problems.

I have helped Jo with Susie a lot in different ways (distracting, playing, supporting with appointments etc). Susie's dad is not around and Jodie's family only help out occasionally, but because they have their own children, jobs, health etc they are not around as much.

Jo struggles a lot with Susie and can't handle temper tantrums, so I didn't mind helping Jo. However, as time went on, it became more helping out.

I am currently 5 and a half months pregnant and yesterday Jo said to me that she wants another baby and plans on getting pregnant soon (she didn't go into specifics about how she plans on doing it) because Susie should have a sibling. The thing is Susie is a jealous child and already I can see some jealousy problems from when my child is born.

If she did have another child, I won't be helping out because I will be focusing on my own child first and I won't have the time, energy for my child, Susie, Jo and another baby.

Although she hasn't said anything, but I wonder if she's hoping because I will be going on maternity in a few weeks that I will be around more and can support her with Susie and her pregnancy.

Would it be unreasonable to tell her that I won't support her if she has another baby?

Unfortunately, in this area I would struggle to find a suitable house/flat and would not be in a good place financially if I moved out, so that's not an option. I also don't have any close family and other friends don't have the space.

OP posts:
Eldermilleniallyogii · 23/03/2025 09:59

I think it is sensible to tell her pr ask her how she plans to manage the two as you will be busy with your own child.

ShiiiiiiiiiitDinosaur · 23/03/2025 09:56

What does the Dad of your baby think of all this?

Smallmercies · 23/03/2025 09:55

Voting YABU for posting about this repeatedly instead of taking steps to find somewhere else to live.

zingally · 23/03/2025 09:54

Mostly, I'm just confused as to why two unrelated adult women are living together and having kids... Where are the fathers of these assorted toddlers/infants? Especially the dad of your upcoming infant?
It seems an incredibly strange set-up, and not one that either of you should be bringing children into.

Staceysmum2025 · 23/03/2025 09:53

Do you not want to move out and start making your own nest ready for this new baby to come along? I can’t even comprehend the idea of sharing with my newborn and somebody else’s child it will be horrific.

Stripeyanddotty · 23/03/2025 09:48

Poor kids.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 23/03/2025 09:46

It would be unreasonable to keep living with someone who doesn’t think you should prioritise getting your unborn child checked over their needs and to keep posting about them but not doing anything about it. You should move out, or at the very least set some boundaries.

sunights · 23/03/2025 09:37

Your friendship with Jodie/ Amber sounds very unequal. Will you be able to stand up for yourself while caring a newborn.
How expensive is housing in your area - I.e. is it possible to afford rent through housing benefit?
Do you have any family you could move near before you have the baby?

user5213768943 · 23/03/2025 09:35

Seems a less than ideal situation to be bringing a baby into. I’d look to get your own affairs in order and move on.

Soubriquet · 23/03/2025 09:34

Yeah I’ve also read something like this before on Reddit

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 23/03/2025 09:32

Obviously your current living situation isn't sustainable. Is your baby's father in the picture? Do you have plans to go back to work after your baby is born? Is there a reason why you are going on maternity leave such a long time before your baby is born rather than trying to make your pay last for as long as possible?

Really this isn't about Jodie/Jo/Amber, but about the fact that you need to have a solid plan for getting your finances under control so that you can move out and not live with a housemate and her child/children when you have a child of your own.

But no, you don't have to provide unpaid childcare for your housemate, regardless of whether you are on maternity leave or not. Her childcare issues are her problem.

PeriPeriMam · 23/03/2025 09:28

If it's her house, find a way to move out. You can't dictate what she does. If it's your house, it's on you to set some boundaries and maybe give her notice to quit. If it's a shared rental, I appreciate times are very tough but you can't put a price on sanity and you need a better option.

backoncrack · 23/03/2025 09:25

Tbh if you are all living together the children are going to impact. You would be better living separately if you don’t want to support her. Where’s your partner in this?

MinistryofThyme · 23/03/2025 09:25

So in two weeks she’s gone from breaking down and not being able to handle her child’s wild tantrums, to saying she’s going to have another child?

Bananalanacake · 23/03/2025 09:24

Why isn't the father of your child living with you.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 23/03/2025 09:23

You can't afford to live in the area and living with the woman isn't sustainable, you'll have to move to an affordable area. Can your child's father not provide housing?

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 23/03/2025 09:22

TheAmusedQuail · 23/03/2025 09:09

She is allowing you to live there for childcare. Once you can no longer provide that, your arrangement will no longer work.

Start looking for a way out.

Yeah, this. If you're in your house, you can't dictate what she does.

DeathNote11 · 23/03/2025 09:19

Children don't thrive in unstable, high conflict environments so you must sort this as soon as possible. Get the ground rules, expectations & boundaries in now, before social care do it for you.

Lindy2 · 23/03/2025 09:16

Where is the father of your baby?

It's a very strange set up 2 women living together having babies with seemingly no relationships with the baby's fathers.

I think you both need to go your separate ways and change your living arrangements. Blended living like this only works if everyone pulls their weight and is happy with the arrangement.

WonderingWanda · 23/03/2025 09:15

Surely if she has another baby and you have a baby there won't actually be enough bedrooms for you all? Is this not her way of hinting it might be time for you to leave? Is it a rental or does she own? Presumably, if it's a rental the landlord might have a problem with all these occupants?

Justcallmebebes · 23/03/2025 09:13

Are there any fathers of these babies? Why are they not helping out

FootTapping · 23/03/2025 09:12

Are you both teenagers?

TotallyForgettableForNow · 23/03/2025 09:11

Where are the fathers?
Why are you having a baby but still living with this woman?
Is anyone bringing a child up in a committed, healthy,stable relationship?
If this is real you both have bigger problems than how much help you can give each other.

Whitelight25 · 23/03/2025 09:11

I remember your previous post. Seems that for practical purposes you are a kind of couple in Jos eyes. A couple about to have 2 new babies, but with no DP around who is unscathed by giving birth. Very tricky. If living together seems like your best option you’ll need to draw up an agreement about who does what and adapt it as the babies grow. Don’t second guess each other.

Sportswatchernotplayer · 23/03/2025 09:10

Hopefully Jodie won't have another baby. Perhaps time to move out and concentrate on your baby.

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