Daughter super jealous of another girl in class

Out of interest, why do you think this is? Is it obsessive thinking a kind of hyper focus?

At the risk of hammering home what other people are saying, your perception that this girl is rubbing her talents in your daughter’s face is concerning, unless of course you have evidence that this is actually what’s happening? Don’t get me wrong, no one likes a boaster, but the world isn’t going to hide its light under a bushel to keep your daughter from feeling inadequate, either. Nor should it.

ADHD and feelings of jealousy often go hand in hand.
I know a few women with ADHD and they all struggle with jealousy.

She did a good job actually. I'm not a Tori Spelling fan but in this film, she portrayed a girl endowed with massive privilege and easy living - who had the ability to influence others' behaviour towards classmates.

... and I cringed for the character of Kellie Martin doing anything to ingratiate herself. I so wanted to tell her that none of this matters, not really.

As I said, not easy viewing but a cautionary tale.

Scarlett Jenkinson admitted she was obsessed with Brianna ghey, she was clearly troubled and didn’t get the support she needed. Op help your dd open up, she herself for what she really is and what she can achieve in life. She sounds autistic to be honest

How exactly is this other girl "rubbing her talents in your dd's face"?

I thought of this straight away. I actually typed out a post referencing Kirsten Costas in response to the OP saying her daughter being of concern to other people was 'silly' but deleted it (and instead said its been known to happen).

Since then, we've had OP talking about people rubbing their talents in her daughter's face! Sounds exactly like the kind of thing Bernadette Protti would have cited in her defence.

Just watched the trailer. I struggle to visualise Tori Spelling as the most popular girl in high school but interesting to see Kellie Martin play a different character to her usual Christie roles at that time.

Sorry but you have 'mum goggles' on. From what you first posted, your subsequent post has done a 180.

I would get help for your daughter, OP. She sounds angry/confused by her feelings to me and needs someone to talk to. Mums aren't always the best people for that; too close.

This thread scenario reminds me of that film, "Death of a Cheerleader". This is the synopsis of the real life event:

It's based on the 1984 Bernadette Protti murder case in Orinda, California. She stabbed to death a popular girl in her high school, Kirsten Costas, who refused to be friends with her and had made fun of her. Kellie Martin plays the murderer "Angela", and she alone makes the movie well worth watching.

It's a good film (called '"A Friend to Die For" now) - it's uncomfortable viewing though because you can quite see how things escalate.

the personality you describe sounds concerning and complicated. Can you ask for a psychiatric referral before her "danger to others" becomes more of a threat to this poor girl (and others)

Your daughter is obviously picking up on YOUR attitude towards her unfortunate victim. There’s no real incentive for her to address or modify her behaviour if her own mother fundamentally agrees with her.

You are minimizing your DD’s obsession.

I think you need to see a psychiatrist. Either way, this is more serious than your first post.

Your last update is also a little concerning (the other girl “rubbing her talents in your DD’s face). I hope you are not saying this in front of your DD.

Please seek more help for your DD.

How is this girl "rubbing her talents in her face" exactly?

Do you think there could be transference at play and your DD is actually kind of in love with this girl?

It does seem to be an odd mix of low esteem AND a superiority complex.
I reckon this is not uncommon in bright high /functioning people with asd.

Your dd's attitude is very worrying and I hope the girl she is fixated on is wise to your dd's ways. It's rather stalkerish.

This will need a lot of unpicking in the meantime I truly hope this other beautiful and talented girl will watch her back, your dd's attitude is scary.

Rubbing her face in it? Bloody hell OP. We can see where she gets her ideas from now. Do you think anyone who is good at something has to make sure no one knows. Your DD is the problem not this poor girl she's fixating on.

And now, whenever DD isn’t instantly good at something she gives up and it’s always somehow to do with the other girl for some reason.

Make sure you praise effort not outcomes - can you find example of people - in books/films/radio who aren't best initally but stay the course keep plugging away and find success or find ways to walk sideways to success.

14 - is she GCSE years - how many classes ie how much time is she spending with this girl. Could it be this girl is very competative with your DD and it's not being picked up perhaps socially more adept so it's less obvious- in which case your DD may need stategeries to deal with her - sometime my ND kids needed concrete examples of what to say to get people to back off.

Ultimately this girl doens't matter - the talent pool is wider than her current school and there are many paths to take in life - does she have a plan for after school - could you focus her on what she needs to get there?

Is it silly, though? Children have been known to hurt others because of their jealousy. Can she access counselling? I think these might be feelings that she needs help with.

How on earth is this girl "rubbing her talents in her face"? She's just a kid going about her business.

It sounds like both of you have issues and would benefit from therapy.

Your language here isn’t helping at all. Your posts seem to suggest you are aligned with your dd!

agree with a pp that you need to disengage. If she brings the girl up tell her you don’t want to discuss her and talk about something else more positive

“Rubbing their talents in her face “. Are you serious?

That isn’t how you described the girl in question.

I think we can see where DD gets her personality from. I’m out.

It's just not true though. The Chinese pianists (or whatever) who outperform the European ones are the ones who had natural talent as a child and who were hot-housed constantly - they're not just average school children who try their best and work hard.

Not everyone can be best at everything, even if it's a "bog standard school subject" - there's always going to be someone who is more talented, or who gets a higher grade, or who struggles less. That's just life, and the earlier children learn that, the better.

Constantly encouraging competition with this girl is only going to exacerbate the issues that are going on right now.

yes!